Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.
Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.
Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a cute, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.
Moira: I never meant for you to think that I didn't wanna spend any time with you. Well I hope it's not too late to make up for lost time.
Alexis: Okay. What is your favourite season?
Moira: [inhales sharply] Awards.
Ronnie: Roland, the rules say that we can't play if we don't have nine players! And I can't stomach the thought of Patrick's team winning by default. The man looks like a thumb!
Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!
Moira: In the lee of a picturesque ridge lies a small, unpretentious winery, one that pampers its fruit like its own babies. Hi! I'm Moira Rose, and if you love fruit wine as much as I do, then you'll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner who brings the musk melon goodness to his oak Chardonnay, and the dazzling peach cral-bapple to his Riesling Rioja. Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine. You'll remember the experience and you'll remember the name. Herb Erfling ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herb-blinger. Bing Livehaanger. Liveling. Burt Herkurn. Ban- Bingo Ling-fucker!
Moira: We landed on a one-of-a-kind event to celebrate and congregate those who happen to be unattached, uh, in the hopes of facilitating interpersonal connections.
Alexis: Sorry, so like a singles event, then?
Moira: That word is now considered derogatory. I believe they prefer to be called independents.
Alexis: So you stole my idea, took it to Council, and claimed it as your own?
Moira: Alexis, now is not the time for pettifogging!
Moira: All right, I'll agree, this motel could use some improvements. But your review will scare off the guests we need to afford those improvements.
Motel Guest: I was just being honest.
Moira: I see. Then I suppose I should be honest. My daughter married a man who turned out to be her uncle.
Motel Guest: I'm sorry?
Moira: The lowlife uncle she believed to have been executed years before by the Indian cartel. This is all on my ex-husband's side. I'm good people, and so's my daughter. She had nothing to do with Raven's accident. When the Bangalores finally found Dagger, and gave him what he deserved, they threatened to burn down the motel, and leave my pregnant baby penniless.
Motel Guest: This motel?
Moira: She begged them to let her keep this place, and she promised them a cut of the profits in return. They laughed, and left, but not without first shaving all her beautiful hair! When people ask me, why do you work here for nothing? I tell them, this is my flesh and blood! I do this for her! Nothing! She is my everything!
Motel Guest: Okay, wow, I had no idea. I can take down that review.
Moira: [in a Cockney accent] The truth is that, um, we've- We've struggled with penury for quite some time now. Well, just two years ago, we were practically 'omeless.
Car Salesman: Where are you two from?
Johnny: You know, I've been wondering that myself.
Moira: I'm from London. I was one of two identical twins. Tragically, I was snatched from my crib at birth by Russian mobsters. Mmm-hmm. They looked at my fair skin, and my dazzling eyes, and they said, "We'll make a pretty penny on that one, on the 'uman black market, we will."
Car Salesman: And what about the twin?
Moira: What's that, love?
Car Salesman: Well, if you're identical, I thought you'd both be valuable.
Johnny: Yes, wouldn't you?
Moira: She wasn't born yet. Yep, she wasn't born 'til three minutes later. And the Bratva work very quickly.