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35Quotes from ‘Ronnie's Party’

Schitt's Creek: Ronnie's Party

210. Ronnie's Party

Aired March 8, 2016

Moira and Johnny attend a campaign event at Ronnie's house in the hopes of winning over a key demographic. Meanwhile, Ted isn't sure Alexis is up for the job, and David is asked to babysit his boss's step-daughter.

Quote from Alexis

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

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Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Okay, so if there's one thing I learned, is that when it comes to love you cannot let little things get in your way. Like I once dated this sultan's nephew who was forbidden to talk to me or even to look at me and we made it work for, like, half a regime change, so...

Quote from Moira

Moira: Equality. Freedom. Marriage. These are the rights of every community, and even more specifically, the business community. No faction of society deserves to be discriminated against, especially women who are in business faction. One of my top priorities will be to... To change people's misguided and ignorant perceptions of women like you. You did not choose this life! No, each one of you was born to be an entrepreneur.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Why don't I open up the floor to some of your concerns?
Karen: I want to elect someone who understands the pressures of working and raising a family.
Moira: Very nice, yes. I love that. Working and..?
Karen: Raising a family.
Moira: And raising a family. Well, John, my husband will back me up on this, I had a six-and-a-half season career as an actress in television, which I put on hold to devote all my time and energy to raise two million dollars for charity.
Johnny: And two children.
Moira: Oh, yes, and two children. Hmm? And on top of that, I managed a staff of twelve.
Audrey: You ran your own business?
Moira: Household staff, yes.

Quote from Moira

Karen: Ronnie says you've only lived here a year?
Moira: That's true, Ronnie, thank you, but I am a quick study. Karen, I learned tonight that you run a gravel business, yes, and you, Audrey, you manage a team of accountants, and you, Tara, you're very concerned about your inverted nipples. Which I assumed was public domain. There were a lot of you around when she told me.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Oh, just continue on inside.
Roland: Well, I hope we didn't catch the two of you with your pants down.
Jocelyn: Oh.
Roland: I'm just joking, I can see they're on. No, we actually listened outside to make sure.

Quote from Johnny

Moira: Those two are not as simple minded as we thought.
Johnny: He is.

Quote from Ted

Ted: You know, I have to say that I'm impressed. It's not everyone who can tell an old woman that her cat is dead, and set up a love connection, and sell our most expensive marble urn in the same three-minute conversation.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Hey! Sorry I'm a bit late. Um, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was for this kind of thing, so I walked around the block a little bit.
Ted: Oh, you can show up early, or on time. Early is probably even better.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: We just brought some leftovers by. We had a little thing at the house last night and we didn't want all the food to go to waste, so...
Roland: Yeah, and you know what? We would have invited the two of you but it was kind of a political schmooze-fest. A lot of pressing of the flesh, and greasing palms, that kind of thing, you know.
Jocelyn: It wasn't as much fun as it sounds.
Moira: Oh well, who wants an invitation to big soiree when you can be met the very next morning with some table scraps.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: David, Ted said that I had to wear scrubs, but what does that mean really?
David: Um, I think it means you have to wear scrubs.
Alexis: Ugh. I know but look at me.
David: You look amazing.
Alexis: Who designs these things?! Whatever happened to empowering women's sexuality?
David: I don't think sex appeal is the guiding principle behind nursing uniforms.
Alexis: Obviously you've never been out for Halloween, David.

Quote from Alexis

Ted: Alexis, you wanted to be treated professionally, so I have to ask, where are the rest of your scrubs?
Alexis: Oh. I thought this was kind of an either/or thing.
Ted: No, they come as a set. That's why I gave you both. Those bare legs are dangerous.
Alexis: Ted!
Ted: No, I'm serious. The animals carry bugs or ticks that can burrow into your bare skin.
Alexis: Ew!

Quote from Moira

Moira: I'm going to presume you were at Jocelyn's thing last night. How was that?
Ronnie: Good. Lots of dairy.
Moira: Oh, yes. If anyone knows how to put a lactose intolerant in the hospital, it's our Jocelyn.

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: Moira, is there something I can do for you?
Moira: Yes, thank you. Ronnie, I was wondering whether or not you have decided on a candidate to endorse?
Ronnie: Not yet.
Moira: Oh, good.
Ronnie: Why is that good?
Moira: I'm hoping I might persuade you to put your weight behind me. Political weight. I now realize 'clout' was the word I was looking for.

Quote from Stevie

David: Um, I am babysitting tonight, so...
Stevie: You're joking.
David: Mm-mm. I wish I was joking.
Stevie: But you hate kids.
David: Mmm-hmm. That's correct.
Stevie: Oh, my God. Can I watch?
David: No.
Stevie: Or video tape?
David: No, you- No.
Stevie: Can I bring friends?

Quote from Alexis

Doris: [sobbing] Oh, what do I do now? Do I put him in a box? Bury him?
Alexis: Ew! No, we don't have to talk about that right now, okay? I know this is hard. But, um, the upside, um... The upside... Oh! Is that Albert from the down the hall can now come over for dinner without worrying about his allergies threatening his life. Hey, I think it's time that we find you a new love of your life.

Quote from Moira

Moira: John, wait. I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want you to back out on me, but you're going to be the only man here this evening.
Johnny: Well, I think I can handle that.
Moira: Ronnie told me that her friends represent a key demographic and I don't believe it's women with husbands.
Johnny: Oh.
Moira: Mm-hmm. I feel really good about this, and I think you just approach these women like you did Paula, our landscaper. Very strong, very forceful.

Quote from Ted

Alexis: No, I think it was about, um, vacation days.
Ted: Ah.
Alexis: Yeah, you had mentioned two weeks. So I guess I was just wondering, um, how many two-week vacations are available per year?
Ted: Well, tell you what, why don't we start with one and then we'll just go from there.

Quote from David

David: Honestly? Nothing is more natural... Um, aside from maybe the thread count in these sheets, but that's okay! 'Cause you're a woman now! Um, and nothing about that is embarrassing.
Mandy: [o.s.] I'm not embarrassed, I'm scared! I mean, you were talking so much about your high thread count linens.
David: Yeah. Well, I think it's gonna come out.
Mandy: And how they were made by Egyptians or something?
David: No, I'm well aware of that.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Well, she pulled it off, didn't she? Considering she came in- well, we both did - thinking everyone was...
Ronnie: Black?
Johnny: No. I mean that everyone was leaning...
Ronnie: Younger?
Moira: John, we should go.
Johnny: No, what I mean is that, uh, that I am very comfortable seeing women with other women.
Ronnie: Uh-huh.
Johnny: Yeah, that didn't come out right.
Johnny: I M- Moira and I have been very, very supportive of the LGBTQ community.
Moira: Oh, John. John.
Johnny: Did I leave out a letter?

Quote from Johnny

Moira: Thank you so much, Ronnie. I love your friends and I really loved that dip.
Johnny: Oh, the dip was incredible, really. For men and women.


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