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52Quotes from ‘Our Cup Runneth Over’

Schitt's Creek: Our Cup Runneth Over

101. Our Cup Runneth Over

Aired January 13, 2015

After the tax authorities raid their mansion, the Rose family are forced to move to their one remaining asset, the small town of Schitt's Creek, and take shelter in the local motel.

Quote from Twyla

Twyla: Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. Anyway, I read about you guys, and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy.
Johnny: Super crappy?
Twyla: I had a second cousin in Elmdale who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. It turns out his entire business was illegal, and he lost everything.
Johnny: Hm. Not quite the same.
Twyla: Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... But he is learning Spanish, "No mas, le duele!" I think it means, "Stop, it hurts."
Moira: Oh, wonderful anecdote. Could you give us a moment please?

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Quote from Johnny

Lawyer: You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son.
David: Wait, you actually purchased that town?
Johnny: Yes, I purchased the town. How else could I get the deed?
Alexis: You could've photo shopped the deed.
David: And saved the money.
Johnny: Why would I Photoshop a deed? The joke was owning the town.
David: Okay, stop.
Johnny: That was the joke!

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Can I help you?
David: I'm looking for an extra towel. And this might be a stupid question, considering the state of the rugs in our room, but do you have a business center here?
Stevie: Yes, we do have a business center. You can find it right outside the doors to your left, right beside the Hammam spa. Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it?
David: Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks.
Stevie: I'll get those right out.

Quote from Stevie

David: Okay, can I ask you a question?
Stevie: Shoot.
David: I think you're kind of rude!
Stevie: Is that a question?
David: I have asked you thrice now for a towel, so that I may wash this town off my body. Do you think I wanna be here?
Stevie: Do you think I wanna be here?!
David: I don't know what you want, you've given me one word answers since I got here!
Stevie: So if I get you a towel you'll stop following me to my car?
David: Yes! Yes!
Stevie: Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.

Quote from Moira

Moira: [screams] I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life!

Quote from Moira

Moira: My very soul has been kidnapped, there's no ransom, no one's coming to save me!

Quote from Moira

Lawyer: There is a very small amount set aside for you, and one asset the government has allowed you to retain.
Moira: The kids.
Lawyer: The children are dependents, Moira.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently in hell, there's no bellman!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: David, could you help me with the doors?!
David: It's air drying!
Moira: Pick up a hammer, and nail this coffin shut!

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Hold on, hold on! Those bags are not for you, my boyfriend bought those for me, so, theoretically, they are his!

Quote from David

Agent: Please sir, can you step aside?
David: No, you step aside! You step aside! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what kind of a sick person wants to get paid to destroy another person's life! Destroy another person's life! Where are you taking that?!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: We've got 15 minutes to collect our personals, can we pick up the pace?!
Moira: No, no! Did you put Kristen with Robin? They don't like each other! Nooooo! Nooooo!

Quote from Moira

Lawyer: To Johnny's credit, this town just might be your saving grace, at least for a while.
Moira: What do you mean?
Lawyer: You can live there for next to nothing, until you get back on your feet.
Moira: I'm sure there's a penthouse we can move into, please, there are other options.
Lawyer: Well, homelessness is still on the table.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Johnny Rose! Roland Schitt.
Johnny: Oh, you're the mayor we're supposed to meet.
Roland: That's right, I'm the mayor, so if you're looking for an ass to kiss, it's mine! [chuckles]

Quote from Stevie

Johnny: What about suites? Do you have a couple of suites?
Roland: This guy!
Stevie: Um... No, this is a motel, so we cater more to off road truckers and drunk teenagers.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Please, someone just give me a key, to a door, to a room any room! I just want a bathtub, and a long extension cord, please.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Oh, my God, this takes me back to high school. You know, I did the deed in just about every room in this place. Yep, if a forensic team came in here with one of those blue lights, this place would just light up!

Quote from David

David: I need that bed.
Alexis: Why?
David: Because I need it.
Alexis: Why?
David: Because if someone were to break in here in the middle of the night wanting to murder us, they would attack this bed first, so I need this bed.
Alexis: So you're saying that you want me to get murdered first?! In front of you? And then what would you do? Would you just run away and leave me to bleed out on the floor?!
David: Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah.

Quote from Moira


Moira: The town is disgusting. It is gruesome.
Alexis: It is charming, it is quaint, it's like out of a storybook.
Johnny: Alexis, what the hell is the matter with you?!
Alexis: Okay Stavros is flying in to get me, and I am going to go live with him for a little bit.
Moira: Well, that is not happening. And I am appalled that my baby girl has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore! [to Twyla] Oh, hello!

Quote from Alexis

David: I think it's unforgivable!
Alexis: I think that you're just super jealous, 'cause I'm getting out of here! Also, you have a big thing of dandruff on your eyebrow.
David: Don't do that!

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Yeah, you're gonna have to talk to Roland about that. He lives just down the street, you make a left out of the motel and then another left. It's a house with a truck in the driveway. There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: That's the least of my concerns right now!
Roland: Oh really? Well, why don't we address your concerns?!
Johnny: The doors! I want my doors back!
Roland: Oh!
Johnny: Before it gets dark! My son is afraid of moths.

Quote from David

David: What just happened?!
Moira: David, I politely asked that concierge girl if she had stolen my earrings, and she turned ice cold, and now she's on her way to a pawn shop!
David: What?! I need a towel!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Kids, we just came in to say good night, and to remind you that we will get through this-
David: Okay, good night!
Johnny: As a family-
David: Warmest regards to you both.
Johnny: And that will end up on our feet in no time!
Moira: Of course, by then our feet will be shoeless, and filthy and mangled, from walking on cigarette butts and broken beer bottles.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Good night, children.
Johnny: Good night!
David: Good night.
Alexis: Good night.
Moira: Let's all pray we don't wake up.


Episode 102 
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