Twyla: Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. Anyway, I read about you guys, and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy.
Johnny: Super crappy?
Twyla: I had a second cousin in Elmdale who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. It turns out his entire business was illegal, and he lost everything.
Johnny: Hm. Not quite the same.
Twyla: Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... But he is learning Spanish, "No mas, le duele!" I think it means, "Stop, it hurts."
Moira: Oh, wonderful anecdote. Could you give us a moment please?

Lawyer: You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son.
David: Wait, you actually purchased that town?
Johnny: Yes, I purchased the town. How else could I get the deed?
Alexis: You could've photoshopped the deed.
David: And saved the money.
Johnny: Why would I Photoshop a deed? The joke was owning the town.
David: Okay, stop.
Johnny: That was the joke!

Stevie: Can I help you?
David: I'm looking for an extra towel. And this might be a stupid question, considering the state of the rugs in our room, but do you have a business center here?
Stevie: Yes, we do have a business center. You can find it right outside the doors to your left, right beside the Hammam spa. Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it?
David: Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks.
Stevie: I'll get those right out.

David: Okay, can I ask you a question?
Stevie: Shoot.
David: I think you're kind of rude!
Stevie: Is that a question?
David: I have asked you thrice now for a towel, so that I may wash this town off my body. Do you think I wanna be here?
Stevie: Do you think I wanna be here?!
David: I don't know what you want, you've given me one word answers since I got here!
Stevie: So if I get you a towel you'll stop following me to my car?
David: Yes! Yes!
Stevie: Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.

Moira: [screams] I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life!

Moira: Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently in hell, there's no bellman!

Moira: My very soul has been kidnapped, there's no ransom, no one's coming to save me!

Johnny: David, could you help me with the doors?!
David: It's air drying!
Moira: Pick up a hammer, and nail this coffin shut!

Lawyer: There is a very small amount set aside for you, and one asset the government has allowed you to retain.
Moira: The kids.
Lawyer: The children are dependents, Moira.

Moira: Good night, children.
Johnny: Good night!
David: Good night.
Alexis: Good night.
Moira: Let's all pray we don't wake up.