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‘Girls' Night’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: Girls' Night

404. Girls' Night

Aired January 30, 2018

Feeling down about Ted being in a relationship, Alexis invites Twyla to a girls' night out. Meanwhile, David tries to compromise when Patrick rearranges product in the store, and Roland starts spending more time at the motel.

Quote from David

David: I'm sorry that I just know what looks correct. And this situation is not correct! Toilet plungers on display at the front of a store, is incorrect! Breath mints where the lip balms should be. Not correct! Not correct. These mountaineering shoes that my boyfriend is wearing, looking like Oprah on a Thanksgiving Day hike, incorrect.
Patrick: I'm sorry, what did you just say?
David: I said the breath mints need to move.
Patrick: I think it was something about your boyfriend's shoes?
David: Um. I don't remember saying that.
Stevie: Yeah, no, that's what I heard.
Patrick: Well hey, my boyfriend doesn't like the shoes, I could, I could take the shoes off.
David: I mean, or not. I don't remember saying it. So, you can do whatever you'd like.

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Quote from David

Patrick: Makes me think that we should be taking more products from the back and actually putting them out there.
David: Mmm-hmm. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. No! No! Fine, I'm terrible at compromise! There, I said it. Like Beyonce, I excel as a solo artist, and I was also dressed by my mother well into my teens, okay?
Stevie: Let it out David, let it out.

Quote from Patrick

Patrick: You know, David, one of the fundamental pillars of any successful business person is their ability to compromise.
Stevie: Hm, I have to agree with Patrick on this one.
David: I don't think there's anything you have to do, and I compromise all the time. [Stevie and Patrick laugh] What?
Stevie: Nothing, I just um, just remembering all those times that you compromised.
Patrick: I was just thinking about the same thing, because there- There's so many to think through.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Though it's possible this outing might serve you both well. I'm sure you're not aware of this but, our Alexis is unfortunately suffering a bit of a dry spell. Exacerbated by this situation with the former lover, Ted, and his new girlfriend, Harriet?
Twyla: You mean Heather?
Moira: I believe it's Heather.
Twyla: Yeah, um, Ted and Heather have been together for, hm, a while now. They started dating when Alexis was still working at the vet's office. She says it doesn't bother her, but sometimes I wonder.
Moira: Always the closed book, our Alexis. Bless her soul.
Twyla: I've always found her to be pretty open about things.
Moira: A closed book that falls open the second you take it off the shelf. That's enough gossip for today, Twyla. No, I'm not comfortable discussing the intimate details of Alexis' private life, with her not present.
Twyla: Oh, I wasn't gossiping, it was just that you brought it up. So I just wanted to clarify that it was...
Moira: Gossip is the devil's telephone. Best to just hang up.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: What's going on?
Roland: [sighs] Well, Erin Brockovich has just started her job at the law firm, and she's not getting the respect she deserves, because of the way she dresses.
Johnny: Not the movie! This!
Roland: Oh, well I'm just showing a couple of our guests the set up. Turns out, Carmine, here, is a big Albert Finney fan.
Johnny: Roland, can I have a word?
Roland: Keep it on pause, boys.

Quote from David

Patrick: My boyfriend doesn't like the shoes, so I'm gonna take the shoes off.
David: Okay, before you do that, um, I just wanna let you know that sock feet in a public place is also incorrect.
Patrick: We do what we have to do.

Quote from Moira

Moira: David? My nails aren't dry yet. Alexis, I stumbled upon Ted in the cafe this morning, he sends his regards.
Alexis: That's nice. Um, what did he say?
Moira: Nothing, we merely exchanged familial smiles. He seemed quite taken with an older woman, so I thought best not to intrude.
Alexis: Love that for him.
David: I mean, that could've been anyone though, right, like a mother, or a close friend?
Moira: They were canoodling in the banquette for all to see, so I'd be rather concerned if that were his mother, David.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Um, did she have like a braid in her hair?
Moira: No, no braid. Uh, looked more like thick, healthy hair woven together loosely.
Alexis: I can't believe he's still dating Heather.
David: I know, it's crazy.
Moira: I believe that was her name, Heather.
David: Okay, don't we have somewhere to be?
Moira: Alexis, he doesn't still hold any interest for you? No, it's not as if you've been spending all your time holed up in your room, alone.
Alexis: Yeah, no, I'm just like taking time for me.
Moira: Good! That's the most important relationship of all. Don't you give another thought to Ted and his striking older lover.

Quote from Moira

David: Okay, I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row.
Moira: David! How was I to know that Ted would be such a trigger, all these years later?
David: A year later, and she is, like, right back in it. So you might wanna pay a little more attention to your daughter's life, if only to alleviate the weight of me having to deal with it, every day.
Moira: Oh. I did call that other woman charming, didn't I?
David: Striking, I believe was the word you used to describe Ted's new girlfriend, who isn't Alexis.
Moira: Well to my credit, she was.

Quote from Roland

Roland: You know, Johnny, I love all this water cooler talk, but let's get down to business. I was lookin' around this place, and boom, it hit me. There's a lotta wasted space in here. I mean this should be an area for guests to come and mix and mingle.
Johnny: Well, I don't think I like the thought of guests mingling in my office. That's what their rooms are for.
Roland: Ah, but, do the rooms have a... [grunts; grunting with effort; thud; pants] Beer fridge?
Johnny: Where did this come from?
Roland: I brought it over this morning. Joce wanted a little extra space for the new baby, and I thought why not help out a buddy in the process?
Johnny: And how's this helping me?
Roland: Well, you can sell beers to the guests, Johnny. Unless of course you're trying not to make money, which would explain a couple of things here.
Johnny: Well, of course I'm tryin' to make money.
Roland: Johnny, if it makes any difference to you, I've already sold 2 beers to a fellow staff member.
Johnny: Would that staff member be you?
Roland: Yes, it would. I'm gonna have 'em after lunch.

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