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‘Honeymoon’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Schitt's Creek: Honeymoon

110. Honeymoon

Aired March 10, 2015

David and Stevie try to work out where they stand after they spent the night together. Meanwhile, Johnny and Moira try to socialize by attending Roland and Jocelyn's "Hawaiian night", and Ted hosts a dinner party for Alexis's friends.

Quote from Roland

Roland: My son lives in a barn in the woods, by choice. He could be the next mayor of this town if he wanted it.
Johnny: My son is pansexual.
Roland: Mm-hmm, I've heard of that. I know what that is. That's, uh, that cookware fetish.
Johnny: No.
Roland: Mm-hmm!
Johnny: No, no.
Roland: No, I read about that.
Johnny: No. He loves everyone. Men, women, women who become men, men who become women. I'm his father, and I always wanted his life to be easy. But, you know, just pick one gender, and maybe, maybe everything would've been less confusing.
Roland: Well, you know, Johnny, when it comes to matters of the heart, we can't tell our kids who to love. Who said that?
Johnny: You did.

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Quote from David

Stevie: So, just to be clear, um, I'm a red wine drinker.
David: That's fine.
Stevie: Okay, cool. But, uh, I only drink red wine.
David: Okay.
Stevie: And up until last night I was under the impression that you too only drank red wine. But I guess I was wrong?
David: I see where you're going with this. Um, I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine.
Stevie: Oh.
David: And I've been known to sample the occasional rosé. And a couple summers back I tried a merlot, that used to be a chardonnay.
Stevie: Uh, okay.
David: Which got a bit complicated.
Stevie: Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines.
David: I like the wine, and not the label. Does that make sense?

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Moira, I have to ask you, are those wigs real hair? I just wanna reach out and just touch them-
Moira: Oh, please don't. No, Maureen does not like to be manhandled!

Quote from Moira

Moira: We understand you have found some local friends with whom to spend "time" with.
David: Oh, my God!
Alexis: Okay, I can't deal with this right now-
Moira: And that's fine.
Johnny: But we do have to be careful with our hearts and our parts.
Moira: Because a podunk baby out of wedlock is not something your father and I can afford to negotiate at this moment.
David: Well, that's crazy, because all I want to negotiate right now is some podunk baby out of wedlock!

Quote from Moira

David: Are you drunk?
Moira: Grass, too much grass.
Johnny: A little bit, but.
Moira: [to Stevie] Hey, track that cycle, missy!

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: You have what ifs, like, what if I had enlisted in the military? What if Roland hadn't been such a smooth talker? What-
Moira: Oh man, what if? What if I had not been crowned "Miss Snow Cone" at 16, and moved to the city with my driving instructor?
Jocelyn: Awesome.
Moira: And what if I had not hand modelled at that microwave trade show?
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Moira: What if I didn't ask, who's the eyebrows buying everyone's drinks?
Jocelyn: Wow, now you know.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: You're quiet today.
Mutt: Am I?
Alexis: It's just that you're not talking, and it's annoying, because I'm bored.
Mutt: Can't we just think and work, or do we always have to talk?
Alexis: Okay, you're being super sketchy and emo right now, what is going on?
Mutt: Have you ever been in a relationship where you find yourself cheating-
Alexis: Yes!
Mutt: With someone in your dreams?
Alexis: Oh, what? Oh. Um, you know that if it's in your dreams, or over the clothes, it's not cheating, right?

Quote from David

Johnny: Is everything okay?
Stevie: Yes, I'm just a little tied up right now.
Johnny: [whispering] Is anyone in there?
Stevie: What? No!
Johnny: [whispering] Are you in danger? Blink if you're in danger.
David: [whispering] Stevie!
Stevie: That's really not necessary.
Johnny: [loudly] Okay well, I'm going back to my room now. [whispering] And I'm gonna call the police!
Stevie: No, Mr. Rose, please don't call the police!
David: Dad, please just take the towels, and go!
Johnny: Oh. Well, I, uh- I've got everything I need. Good seeing you both.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Um, okay, so I have to tell you this, um, Ted wants to meet my friends, so I think it's getting kinda serious.
David: It's been two weeks.
Alexis: I know. What's your point, David?! Ugh!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: You know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether David's whole "sexually adventurous" thing was just a phase.
Moira: It's not a phase.
Johnny: Well, you know, he was very influenced in college, all those haircuts.
Moira: It's not a phase, John. The kids are right, we've been talking about them far more than I care to do.

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