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‘Happy Ending’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Schitt's Creek: Happy Ending

614. Happy Ending

Aired April 7, 2020

David stresses out when bad weather upends his wedding plans, but the whole town pulls together to put the ceremony back on.

Quote from David

David: Patrick, I've never liked a smile as much as I like yours. I've never felt as safe as I do when I'm with you. [crying] I've never known love, like I have when we're together. It's not been an easy road for me. But... knowing that you will always be there for me at the end of it, makes everything okay. Patrick Brewer, you are my happy ending.
Patrick: [chuckles]

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Quote from Moira

Moira: [sniffles] Good... [voice breaks] Good evening, everyone, welcome to the marriage of Patrick Brewer and David... [voice breaks] David Rose. We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between two people, whose lives were ostensibly brought together by the fated flap of a butterfly wing. It is all but impossible to explain why things happen the way they do. Our lives are like little bébé crows, carried upon a curious wind. And all we can wish, for our families, for those we love, is that that wind will eventually places us on solid ground. And I believe it's done just that for my family here. In this little town. In the middle of nowhere.

Quote from Patrick

Patrick: David, I can't believe this is happening. I'm gonna keep this very short because I think you already know that I would climb a thousand mountains for you. So I'll just say this: you will always be a part of me. [singing] And I'm part of you indefinitely Boy don't you know you can't escape me 'Cause you know you'll always be my baby And we'll linger on Time can't erase a feeling this strong No way you're never gonna shake me Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

Quote from David

Moira: Patrick, do you take David to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Patrick: I do.
Moira: And David. [voice breaks, shouts] David, do you take Patrick to be your lawfully wedded husband?
David: I do.
Moira: I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss each other.

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: I know the florist. I can see if she can throw in some extra flowers.
Johnny: Ronnie, you don't seem to realize we don't have the time.
Ronnie: Johnny, when I say I know the florist, I mean, I know the florist.
Johnny: Oh.
Patrick: Yes! Ronnie! That's great! Thank you so much.
Ronnie: I'm doing this for David.
Patrick: Of course you are.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Ah, everybody, I'd like to thank you all for coming out today, and uh helping to save David and Patrick's big day. And on a personal note, I'd like to thank you all... for helping to save my family over these past few years. I don't think we could have gotten through without you all...

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Wait! Stop the car!
Moira: What is it?
Johnny: Just wanted one last look. Driver, we're ready.
[The camera pans around to reveal the "Welcome to Schitt's Creek sign" has been repainted with Moira and Johnny in place of the "brother and sister". David and Alexis have been added to the background.]

Quote from David

Alexis: This might be a stupid question because there is like literally nothing you can do about it, but why didn't you guys get a tent?
Johnny: Not helping, Alexis.
David: Because I wanted the wood-fired pizza oven and we couldn't afford both. Someone has to call the officiant. He's on his way from Elmdale. What happened to Fabian?!
Johnny: He cancelled because of the rain.
Moira: What kind of adult man rides a penny-farthing?
David: He's a haikuist!

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Like, soon I won't be able to just like come in here and say hey.
Moira: No, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll appreciate the luxury of privacy.
Alexis: I remember there was like a whole year that we just didn't even see each other.
Moira: That's not true. Unless it was the year I booked that international campaign for Looky-Loo Binoculars.
Alexis: I'm just saying... A part of me feels like... I'm almost glad that we lost the money.
Moira: [forced chuckle] Well, I'm happy you and your feeling are so well acquainted. But you wouldn't be the first hostage to fall in love with their captor.

Quote from David

David: I mean, listen, just because I didn't have the Town Hall... on my mood board doesn't mean we still can't have fun. And as long as my husband doesn't stand me up at the altar, I don't care where we get married.
Patrick: Wow. That massage really did a number, huh?
David: Uh, yeah. That was the first time I've ever received a happy ending.
Patrick: I'm sorry, what did you just say?
David: The happy ending that the masseur gave me. I've always heard of things like that, but I've never actually gotten one. Did you have to pay extra for that?
Stevie: [shocked gasp]
Patrick: I didn't pay for a happy ending! I paid for a massage! He gave you a happy ending?! On our wedding day?!
David: I thought you wanted that?!
Stevie: See, this is what Ray should be filming.

Quote from Patrick

Patrick: This is unbelievable. At no point was that ever discussed. All I did, was leave an envelope full of cash and a note that said to take very good care of you. And now that I've said those words out loud, I can see how a certain kind of person would interpret that the wrong way.
Stevie: Okay, but was it good at least?
Patrick: Do not answer that. Was it? Don't.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: [loud cough]
David: [wakes up, gasps] What happened? Who died?
Johnny: Who died?
David: Did Patrick die?
Alexis: No, Patrick didn't die, David.
David: Then why did you startle me awake like this? My mind went straight to some kind of unthinkable tragedy. Like something really, really bad happened.
Johnny: Oh. Imagine.
Moira: Well, the day did have a slight singultus.

Quote from David

David: What is she talking about?
Moira: A hiccup.
David: What hiccup? Who's hiccuping?
Alexis: Okay, David, shush for a minute. There was a big storm last night. And things got a bit wet.
David: How wet?
Johnny: We've been looking into changing venues.
David: Oh my God. To where? Bob's Garage?
Moira: No, his roof was no match for the cumulus clouds.
David: I've woken up in a Black Mirror episode.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Well, David... I-I-I could easily step in here. I have a lot to say about... [getting emotional] my son getting married...
David: Okay. You can barely get through this without crying, so that's a no.
Moira: A note, I did bring the house down at Pat Sajak's first wedding.
David: Oh my God.
Johnny: Oh, I remember that. "Can I buy a vow." [all laugh]
Moira: I had the studio audience wrapped around my finger.

Quote from David

David: Okay. We should've gotten a tent. I didn't need pizza that badly.
Patrick: Wow, let's not get crazy.
David: No, we should have gotten married indoors.
Patrick: You said indoor weddings are tacky.
David: No. I said most weddings are tacky. And they often take place indoors.

Quote from David

Patrick: David, we all know how much the success of this wedding means to you. So we are going to make the absolute best of today, okay? And regardless of how that happens or where that happens, at the end of the day, I am going to kiss that worried-looking face of yours and call you my husband. And that's the only thing that matters.
David: Okay, I just refuse to get married in Roland's living room. I have to draw the line somewhere.
Patrick: Okay. Okay.
David: Besides those carpets do not photograph well.

Quote from David

Patrick: All right, I am heading to the motel to sort all this out with your Dad. In the meantime, I have arranged for a massage to chill you out a little bit. So you can just lie down, relax and not talk until we have a plan, all right?
David: How did you book a massage so last-minute?
Patrick: Oh no, all this was planned weeks ago. Just had a hunch you wouldn't handle stress well today.
David: Okay, I've been handling the stress just fine.
Patrick: You had like three bagels in half an hour.
David: They were a mistake.

Quote from Moira

Moira: "Hello, you. Are-are we all ready to spin the wheel of life today?" Even Vanna White didn't laugh at that one.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Alexis, have I ever told you how bewitching you are. It's a compliment.
Alexis: No. I know. I'm sorry. I'm just feeling like, a little emotional today.
Moira: Is it David? Did he say something to upset you? He can be very cruel, but it's all fear-based, Dear. So please don't take it personally.

Quote from Ray

Johnny: Ray, you don't need to be documenting this.
Ray: I was told to capture the day.
Patrick: Ray, I don't think this is a part of the day that anybody is gonna wanna remember.
Ray: Can you say that again for the camera?

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