Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

Johnny: It's been three days without any contact.
Roland: Johnny, you wouldn't know this, but statistics tell us you have a 48 hour window before you can assume somebody is dead.
Johnny: Yeah, I just said it's been three days.
Roland: Then do we call off the search?
Johnny: Oh, my God!

Johnny: Do you know how many times I've had to apologize to Roland? You can't just leave with other people's trucks, David! What were you thinking?
Moira: What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic. But it was also wrong.

Jocelyn: I'm sure David is with the truck, right, Roland?
Roland: Well, I think they would've told me if there's a dead body with the truck, honey.

David: Okay, nobody freaked out when Alexis went missing.
Alexis: I didn't go missing, David. The FBI knew where I was the entire time.

Johnny: Okay, can we all focus here? For a moment?! David has spent the last three days on a farm. With the Amish!

Moira: I was worried sick, dear! "Where's David, or his bags?"

Alexis: You told me that Diane Sawyer gave you that bag, and that it was fake.
Moira: I didn't want you taking it.
Alexis: Okay, because I have told a lot of people that Diane Sawyer sells fake bags on the down-low.

Roland: [answering phone] Roland Schitt. Yes. [signals positively to Johnny & Moira] Yes! Yes! Oh-oh. Okay. Uh-huh, yeah. I'm good, how about you? Terrific. Great, where? Uh-huh. Uhhhh-huh! I got it, great, we'll see you there this afternoon. Bye. [hangs up] Well, good news, folks! They found the truck.
Moira: And David?
Roland: Well, that didn't come up.
Johnny: Well, didn't you ask?
Roland: Johnny, they were all excited about telling me they found the truck, so...

Roland: Well, this will only take a second. David, I'm so glad to see you back home, all safe and sound.
David: Thanks.
Roland: Hmm. And I don't want you to worry, I'm not gonna press charges, okay? Next time, someone will think twice before they steal my truck, yes?
Alexis: Ooh, burn, David!
David: Shhh!
Johnny: David, don't you, um, have anything you wanna say to Roland?
David: Uh, I'm sorry for taking your truck without permission. [resumes eating] Um, it was a bad mistake, and it won't happen again. [resumes eating] Oh, my God. Um, and I feel really bad about it.
Alexis: But do you, David?
Roland: All right, all right, all right, I accept your apology.
David: Thank you.
Roland: Okay, now let's talk about gas. I'm thinking thirty cents on the mile.