Mutt Schitt Quotes Page 1 of 2

Quote from The Rollout

Alexis: And, are you serious about having a venue for me? Because that would be amazing.
Mutt: Happy to loan out the barn, if it can be cleaned up in time.
Alexis: What happened?
Mutt: Oh, I asked a friend of mine to keep an eye on it while I was away, and musta slipped her mind.
Alexis: It didn't slip my mind, I just like, didn't go. Is it bad?
Mutt: Yeah, a nice little home for a family of raccoons. I had to evict them, though, and they didn't go quietly.

Quote from Jazzagals

Mutt: Uh, hey, I just came by for Alexis, she wanted me to grab some uh-
David: Cute looks for the barn?
Mutt: Cute looks for- Yeah.

Quote from The Rollout

Mutt: We called it off the day we arrived. She's married to Moonshine now, the owner of the cone form.
Alexis: I'm sorry to hear that.
Mutt: That trip was a disaster. The compass broke halfway there, we ended up following a star for 2 days. Anyway, by the time we got there, we sat down and, uh, spoke our truths. Pretty freeing. That day I picked 700 cones.
Alexis: Hmm, is that like a lot of cones?
Mutt: Well, Moonshine and his daughter, Petal, said it was the biggest one-day haul they'd ever seen. They gave me the Cone of Achievement, which allowed me to take 2 showers that week.

Quote from Jazzagals

David: This is really nice of you. Thank you very much.
Mutt: Yeah, well, I can't not jump in and help when I see someone doin' something wrong.
David: Was it wrong, or was it just unconventional?
Mutt: No, it was wrong.
David: Okay, well, I'm not gonna argue with you, 'cause I need you to keep working, we're in too deep.

Quote from Estate Sale

Alexis: You're judging me!
Mutt: I'm not! It's just riding a bike is a pretty basic skill.
Alexis: Mm, is it though?
Mutt: I think that most kids learn how to ride a bike!
Alexis: Yeah well, most kids also get head lice. I'm sorry if the opportunity never presented itself.
Mutt: Oh. What, there was no gap year in Belgium? No Tour de France boyfriend?

Quote from Surprise Party

Alexis: Hey, um, you look really amazing.
Mutt: Well, I didn't wanna be the only one not wearing a suit.
Alexis: Um, did you have to kill a man to get it, or..?
Mutt: I did. It took me a couple to find one in my size.

Quote from Wine and Roses

Mutt: Don't worry, they're fresh. They're clean.
Alexis: Hmm. Ooh! Smell that rock-beaten freshness. What?
Mutt: It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.
Alexis: You're a freak.

Quote from Town for Sale

Mutt: So you're leaving. What'd Ted say about that?
Alexis: Uh... He proposed.
Mutt: Really? So what'd you tell him?
Alexis: I told him I was leaving.
Mutt: But if you weren't, you would?
Alexis: 'kay, is this a Barbara Walter special or something? I'm leaving. That's it. You don't seem to be crying about it.
Mutt: I think it's nice you're going back to your natural habitat.
Alexis: I'm not a dolphin, Mutt.

Quote from Allez-Vous

Mutt: He always has been. I feel bad thinking about all those times I pinned him against a locker.
Alexis: You pinned somebody against a locker?!
Mutt: Well, I was a different person then, a lot changed since after high school.
Alexis: So what did he do to make you such a teenage cliche?
Mutt: He always said hi when he passed me in the halls, and for some reason, it bugged me.
Alexis: Yeah, I can see that.

Quote from Allez-Vous

Mutt: So he's bugging you.
Alexis: What? No! Oh, my God, no!
Mutt: Oh yes.
Alexis: No, I'm just saying, generally speaking, when you order breakfast and they give you the wrong order, send it back and get the right order.
Mutt: I never return food, I think that's so rude.

Quote from RIP Moira Roise

Alexis: According to this, you're alive again.
Johnny: Well, looks like we're back, sweetheart!
Moira: Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Johnny: I guess we should think about returning some of these gifts?
Moira: John, they're perishable. And excuse me, but this is the first time we've heard from most of these people.
These gifts are long overdue.

Quote from Bad Parents

Alexis: So why are you sneaking around with your mom anyway? What's the big secret?
Mutt: It's my dad. We don't really get along. He really takes the whole mayor tradition in the family thing seriously and I'm just not that down into labels, you know?
Alexis: "Labels?"
Mutt: Yeah.
Alexis: And you wonder why I make fun of you.

Quote from The Cabin

David: Okay, so let's start. Let's start by putting down 10 famous names onto the pieces of paper in front of you.
Mutt: I don't think I can fit ten names on this piece of paper.
David: That's funny. That's funny. No. One per piece of paper. Ten pieces of paper, ten names.

Quote from Moira vs. Town Council

Alexis: I love how we can just be silent with each other.
Mutt: Yeah.
Alexis: I mean, I definitely feel like we used to talk more at the beginning, but, um, it's good that we don't have to do that anymore. Because now we can just express how we feel through silence. [Mutt laughs] What?
Mutt: Nothing.
Alexis: What?
Mutt: It's just, you're talking about how nice it is not to talk, but you're still, talking about it.
Alexis: I mean, yeah, I'm not a mute!
Mutt: Well, that is an understatement.

Quote from The Cabin

Twyla: Princess Diana.
David: No! She's- The lepers in Calcutta, she helps them.
Stevie: Lepers! Lepers!
David: There's all these lepers.
Alexis: Stop yelling at her though!
David: It's the point of the game is the yell!
Mutt: She's a mother and has your cousin's name.
Twyla: Teresa? Mother Teresa!
Alexis: Yes!
David: You can't say mother! You can't say mother!
Mutt: She wasn't getting it.