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‘The Plant’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: The Plant

503. The Plant

Aired January 22, 2019

Stevie poses as a guest to talk up the motel to a travel blogger. Meanwhile, Patrick asks David to look at apartments with him, and Jocelyn wishes her friends were more supportive now she's looking after a baby.

Quote from Ray

Patrick: I've actually seen a few photos of this place, it looks pretty good.
David: Yeah, the facade would indicate otherwise, but I trust you on this.
Patrick: Oh. You know, when I moved here and got a room with Ray, I didn't know how long I was gonna be staying.
David: Mmm-hmm.
Patrick: And now here we are.
Ray: For me this is bittersweet because on the one hand, I could lose you as a roommate, Patrick, but on the other, I would gain the commission.

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Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: I'm here! I got a sitter!
Moira: Oh, Jocelyn, I'm afraid that dirigible has ascended.
Jocelyn: But I'm here on time.
Moira: Yes, you are, but we started an hour early. Ronnie has a massage.
Jocelyn: You moved the rehearsal for Ronnie's massage?
Moira: Well, it was also conducive to Twyla's schedule. It's hard for her to juggle, what with the cafe.
Jocelyn: Oh, is it hard for her? To juggle? And none of you here thought to tell me about this little time change?
Moira: You said you couldn't make it because of the bébé.

Quote from Ray

Patrick: Fireplace?
David: Yeah, which I'm sure would heat the room quite quickly, considering it's just one big open space.
Patrick: I like the exposed brick. It's actually a pretty decent size.
David: Yeah. Speaking of size, Ray, I've yet to see a closet. Is there a is there a walk-in that I'm missing?
Ray: Oh, the closet is right over here. This is what small-space realtors refer to as, a "step-in" closet.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Oh, David. We have a V-VIP staying with us at the moment. So do you mind staying at Patrick's tonight? Your vibe can be a bit intense.
David: Um, excuse me? If anything, I'm a selling point. And Patrick's is a no-go. If fact, he just texted me the address of a new apartment that we might be going to see together later, so...
Alexis: Um, did I leave a Q-tip in, or did you just tell me that you guys are getting an apartment together?
David: Hey, we're just going to look.
Alexis: Yeah, and Adam Levine and I just went for bubble tea.

Quote from Roland

Alexis: Look who's back in da house!
Johnny: Safe and sound, Ms. Felmington. Feeling okay about everything?
Stevie: That's a weird thing to say, but yes, I am.
Roland: I turned down your bed for you, but I didn't have any chocolates, so I left a doggie bag of pot roast on your pillow.

Quote from Roland

Alexis: Anyway, Emir Kaplan is a very influential travel blogger, so it is of the utmost importance that we all make him feel at home.
Roland: Hmm. Well, if he's looking for that homey feeling, I should just invite him over for dinner. Joce is making pot roast. All he'd have to bring is a couple of sides, a bottle of wine, and something nice for the house. Nothing cheap.

Quote from Alexis

Johnny: Well, I don't want to second guess your publicity skills here, Alexis, but I don't think it would hurt to tilt the scales in our favour. When we wanted to impress people at Rose Video...
Roland: [groans] Okay. Coffee break.
Johnny: We'd sometimes hire actors who would come in as plants, pretending to be...
Alexis: Customers! Yes! Walk around, talk up whatever they're paid to talk up. I know, I was once paid to talk up Heartblaster Energy Drink at a Third Eye Blind concert.

Quote from Alexis

Stevie: I'm pretty sure we don't have the budget for actors.
Roland: I mean, if you're looking to pay some guy to lie about how great this motel is, I'm happy to step in.
Johnny: Do we need Roland?
Alexis: Stevie! You can be the plant. You look like someone who just wandered in off the road.
Stevie: Thanks.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: And Johnny can be our Manager.
Johnny: Okay, first of all, you've gotta stop with the Johnny business, okay? And secondly, I am the Manager.
Alexis: Okay, well, you should probably start getting into character, then. Okay, thanks.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Knock, knock, everybody decent?
David: Oh, my God!
Patrick: Once again, Ray, saying "knock knock" is not the same thing as actually knocking.

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