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‘The M.V.P.’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Schitt's Creek: The M.V.P.

509. The M.V.P.

Aired March 5, 2019

Patrick asks a reluctant David to fill in on his baseball team for their annual game against Ronnie's team. Meanwhile, Stevie feels the pressure as Cabaret rehearsals begin.

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: Roland, the rules say that we can't play if we don't have nine players! And I can't stomach the thought of Patrick's team winning by default. The man looks like a thumb!

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Quote from Stevie

Moira: But this is actually a good distraction for you. Because when you're on stage, you're going to have to drown it all out. Okay, so let's now focus on the image you were about to conjure for me.
Stevie: Okay, I'm in the Town Hall. I'm wearing my maroon plaid hoodie. And I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
Moira: Hmm, vivid. Visceral. Excellent, Stevie. Although the exercise does ask us to recall a traumatic event in our life. This sounds almost as if you're describing what's happening right now.
Stevie: Well, I am.
Moira: Oop, there's that razor sharp wit that landed you the role.

Quote from Alexis

Stevie: I didn't audition. I don't like attention. I can't think of anything worse than standing on a stage in front of a room full of people.
Alexis: Okay, Stevie, I think you just need to chill. If this is anything like my first day with the Pussycat Dolls, it'll be a couple of hours of Kegels, and then an afternoon of cheeky Bellinis.
Stevie: It's just a lot of pressure.
Alexis: Don't even worry about it. I got your back today, girl. Just like Nicole Scherzinger did for me.

Quote from Alexis

Twyla: This is so exciting! I've never been in a musical before. Although I did have a cousin who was in Riverdance until she got trampled.
Alexis: Yeah, um, I was one of the original Pussycat Dolls, but I only lasted like, two weeks. Because apparently, I'm "too pretty".

Quote from Bob

Moira: Might I share with you an anecdote about my director...?
Stevie: A man with amnesia!
Moira: Yes! Well, he may have a story or two about that from his later years.
Stevie: No, sorry, I mean, the game. It- He's a man with amnesia!
Bob: Yes! Oh, I'm so glad somebody figured it out! Oh, I actually forgot what I was supposed to do up here!

Quote from Moira

Moira: First, everyone, please, direct your gaze to the beating heart of our show, our Sally Bowles, Miss Stevie-
Jocelyn: Budd.
Moira: Budd! You're wondering, are we really going to lay this colossal enterprise upon her tiny shoulders? Yes! I'm a 100% confident that you will all soon see what I hope I believe I may be seeing in you, Stevie.
Stevie: Thank you.

Quote from Moira

Moira: First word is a gimme. So you may say "once."
Stevie: Once
Moira: Upon
Stevie: A
Moira: Nightmare
Stevie: My
Moira: Captor
Stevie: Was
Moira: Dismembering
Stevie: Okay, does it always get so dark?
Moira: Oh, I'm, I'm just flowing with your energy, Stevie. Which is good, but you may require a little scordatura.

Quote from David

Patrick: Hey, you know what, David, since you were already planning on being there, maybe... Maybe you...
David: Absolutely not!
Patrick: Just two hours of your life.
David: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Patrick: We just need a body!
David: Then go to the morgue.
Patrick: I will cover you if any flies come your way.
David: I have a spray for that. And you know my stance on team sports.
Patrick: I do. Given today's political climate, we don't need to divide ourselves any more than we already have.
David: Correct.

Quote from David

Patrick: Have I mentioned to you that there will be a barbecue after?
David: I have a couple questions.
Patrick: How many of the questions are about the barbecue?
David: Most of them. Like, how soon after the game is the barbecue, and will the players get to eat first, and if so, who's enforcing that rule?
Patrick: I love you, David.
David: Okay. You say that now, but... [Patrick kisses David] I don't do well with running.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Um, excuse me? I used to play a little ball in my day. I was the star left fielder from my school team.
Ronnie: You played college ball?
Johnny: No, Hebrew school. There were seven of us, surprisingly, not a big turn-out, but uh, the Flying Latkes ended up in fourth place.

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