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‘Open Mic’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: Open Mic

406. Open Mic

Aired February 27, 2018

To drum up business at Rose Apothecary, Patrick suggests hosting an open mic night. Meanwhile, Moira bears burden to Jocelyn and Roland's secret, and Alexis helps Johnny and Stevie with a marketing plan for the motel.

Quote from Patrick

Patrick: So I'm sensing some apprehension.
David: No, I think it's, you know, it's- It's not scary or embarrassing for the person you're dating to sing at you with an acoustic guitar in front of people. I think that's cool.
Patrick: David, you're gonna be fine. It's just a way to get some people in the store, okay?
David: Yeah. Yes, for sure. I mean, if you are, confident, to put yourself and our relationship at risk like that, then I am 87% behind you.
Patrick: Good to know. So now the only question is, do I wear my fringed vest?
David: Okay.
Patrick: Or more importantly, do I wear anything under it?

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Quote from Patrick

Patrick: All right, um, I would like to dedicate this song to a very special someone in my life. David Rose.
David: Okay.
Patrick: There he is, right there. That's him. Can't miss him.
Moira: You'll let me know if I should pull the fire alarm?
David: Yes.
Patrick: [playing guitar and singing "The Best" by Tina Turner]

Quote from Moira

Roland: Don't say a word.
Moira: That's not fair! Roland, why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo? Oh, Ronnie, Ronnie, might you and I confabulate for a moment in the back room?
Ronnie: No, Moira, I'm not falling for that one.
Moira: No, I assure you. I assure you it's a salacious bit of Council-related news.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Who put a picture of a ghost on my desk?
Roland: [gasps] I can't believe you opened that!
Moira: It was on my desk.
Roland: That's the sonogram of our baby!

Quote from Stevie

Alexis: Um, but some of them are from people who are trying to point out things like, you don't even have a website.
Stevie: We have a website.
Alexis: No. I looked it up, and it's just like a cartoon of a construction worker holding a sign that says "We'll be right back".
Stevie: So. It's under construction. And the phone booking system works just fine.
Alexis: Um, actually the phone booking system is confusing, and the woman's voice was aggressive and off-putting.
Stevie: I had strep at the time.

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: Roland, why do you need the safe?
Roland: I've just been to the baby doctor, and I have some top secret information about whether it's a boy or a girl. Joce and I wanna keep it a surprise.
Ronnie: Your wife's pregnant in her 40's. How many surprises do you need?

Quote from David

Patrick: Okay, I'm gonna say it, we've been open for 3 hours now, and not a single customer's walked through that door.
David: Well, I mean, I heard that there was a storm warning for today, so.
Patrick: Oh. How do you explain yesterday?
David: Maybe the storm warning was for yesterday.
Patrick: So then how do you explain today?
David: Okay, you know what, I don't have all the answers. Um, have we checked to see if the door is unlocked?

Quote from Johnny

Alexis: Um, the comment cards, for example, It's become very clear to me that you don't read them.
Stevie: They're just a placebo effect for people who feel the need to complain.
Johnny: Uh, you have to take those with a grain of salt, honey. Those cards are written by embittered people with way too much time on their hands.
Alexis: A lot of these are from Mom.

Quote from Alexis

Stevie: That sounds intense. Um, maybe we should take a minute and think about this.
Johnny: Well, I don't think there's any harm in exploring Step 1 of the plan.
Alexis: That's great, because Step 1 of the plan was this presentation, and we nailed it. So, as your new VP of Marketing and Communications, I'd say we're off to a great start.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Don't worry, Moira, I'm not gonna ask you whether I'm having a boy or a girl.
Moira: Wonderful.
Jocelyn: Roland told me what happened today, I just feel terrible that you are in this sticky situation.
Moira: Don't worry, I've propelled it to the back of my brain.

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