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48Quotes from ‘Sunrise, Sunset’

Schitt's Creek: Sunrise, Sunset

610. Sunrise, Sunset

Aired March 10, 2020

Moira's former Sunrise Bay producer Tippy Bernstein (guest star Saul Rubinek) and co-star Clifton Sparks (guest star Victor Garber) visit Schitt's Creek with a proposal for her. Meanwhile, Alexis goes on a Sunrise Bay binge watch, and Johnny struggles to find the money to fix up the new motel and cater David's wedding.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Alexis! Do I have news...
Alexis: Okay, thank God you're here because I have so many questions. Like, why did they kill off your character after you had just given birth to your ninth child and escaped from the cave with the secret about your lover...
Moira: Who was a ghost, yes.
Alexis: And then they killed off in like the most humiliating way.
Moira: I'm not sure I call it humiliating.
Alexis: You vomited a demon into a toilet, and then fell in and drowned.
Moira: Well, the writers insisted it was symbolic.

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Quote from Moira

Clifton Sparks: Hey. Remember how you entered that time machine you discovered in the hospital's broom closet? Season Three? What if we bring you back that way?
Moira: [chuckles] It's not easy to disremember my final demise. It was even more vicious than Vivian's getting trampled while honeymooning in Pamplona.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, Alexis, has our quarantine been lifted?
Alexis: Yeah, I was scared I was gonna get bed sores, so I'm going for a run. Also, I needed to, like, cleanse my brain a bit. 'Cause eight hours of watching Sunrise Bay made me feel a little not-right in the head.
Moira: It had that effect. The New England Journal of Medicine did a fascinating study on it.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Look at you, John, doling out gift after gift this morning like the Turkish Saint Nikolaas. I'll just have the fruit cup to go, please. I must attend to some good news of my own.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: How are we gonna cover these costs?
Roland: Well, I gave one of my kidneys to my cousin Bruce. Uh, we can see how I run on an empty tank.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: I went to school with a guy who starts "accidental" fires. I mean, worse comes to worst, we could collect the insurance money.
Johnny: Okay. We're not burning anything down and we're not selling any organs.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: We're knee-deep in this now. We're just have to figure out where we're gonna find the money.
Roland: Okay. That's good, because Bruce told me my kidney was garbage.

Quote from Moira

[on an old Sunrise Bay:]
Clifton Sparks: Take the pills, Vivian.
Moira: A "please" might be nice!
Clifton Sparks: You really think you'd be head of surgery at Sunrise General if you weren't possessed by your father? Who also happened to be the former head of surgery at Sunrise General?
[real life:]
Moira: Oh, enjoying the box set, are we?
Alexis: This season is weird. You're great in it, but I forgot how bad Clifton Sparks was.
Moira: Oh, it's Uncle Sparky to you, Dear.
Alexis: Also, I'm so confused. Why is Vivian the only one who gets possessed when Trystan also played the Ouija game?
Moira: Oh, suddenly she's the director.

Quote from Moira

Tippy Bernstein: Listen, what do you say we all take a load off because this standing thing is not all it's cracked up to be.
Moira: Cliffy! Cliffy, I have not seen you since you starred in that electrifying courtroom drama about the potty-mouthed, feral child.
Clifton Sparks: Oh, that was an actual court case. My daughter wanted to emancipate and the press couldn't get enough.
Moira: Lucky you!

Quote from Moira

Moira: No, Alexis I came here to tell you something... I've been asked to resuscitate Vivian so that she may live again in a prime-time reboot.
Alexis: Is Clifton involved?
Moira: Alexis, he drove all this way just to personally beg me to acquiesce.
Alexis: Hm. Of course he did. You're the only person in the show making headlines right now.
Moira: That's not true. Adriana had that DUI last year. Popped a breast, poor dear.

Quote from Moira

Tippy Bernstein: Oh, would you look at this. I'm getting texts from Nicole's office. Serves me right for sharing EP credit. These people...
Moira: I'm guessing Clifton was also responsible for my name being repeatedly left off the Daytime Emmy ballot?
Tippy Bernstein: No, we submitted you every year. And-and that season that you played your own brother we submitted you for Best Actress and Actor.
Clifton Sparks: You did what?

Quote from Roland

Roland: And I know that a wise man once wrote: "Thank you to my wife, Moira."
Johnny: That's just the dedication, Roland.
Roland: That's as far as I got, Johnny. I'm sorry, I'm partial to historical fiction.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: So you still said yes?
Moira: I did. But on the condition that Clifton be written off the show death of my choosing. And I asked for more money.
Alexis: Okay. Yass, Mom.
Moira: And a diamond tennis bracelet.
Alexis: Okay. Well, that seems like a bit much. But it still sounds like you got what you're worth?
Moira: Oh, God no. I made them an offer they had to refuse.
Alexis: So, you're not doing it then?
Moira: No. Thank you, Alexis. Thank you for removing my rosy lunettes, so that I might see Clifton for who he really is. If you did all that without getting out of bed, imagine what you're capable of doing.

Quote from Moira

David: Okay, how is it that your daughter is also trapped in the cave but has never looked up once. You've been hanging over her for three straight episodes.
Moira: Oh, you know, children, this is where the season picks up. When the cave starts talking back to me. Voiced by the wonderful Peter Falk.
Alexis: I was gonna go for a run.
Moira: Shh. She's about to look up.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Looks very impressive, son. Expensive but impressive! Oh, I like this, little side salad.
David: Poor thing. That's the garnish for the lobster roll.
Johnny: Lobster! Ah. Are we inviting The Vanderbilts?

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Just the "little farmer's breakfast" for me, Twyla. I've got the tasting for the wedding this afternoon. Don't wanna spoil my appetite.
Twyla: Oh! You're not using the café for catering?
Moira: Yes, John. Why wouldn't you have Twyla cater David's big day?
Twyla: Well, the food for the wedding is my gift to David, so it's really his decision.
David: [chuckles] It's just the more you keep mentioning that it's a gift, the less and less it feels like a gift.
Johnny: You know, I-I was just thinking that, you know, how can Twyla enjoy herself at the wedding if she's-if she's working?
Twyla: I'm invited to the wedding?
David: Sure looks like it. [both laugh]

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Well, thanks for turning up so early, everyone. And welcome. My name is Johnny...
Roland: Johnny Rose. It's printed right here on the cover of the book that he's handing out to all of you.
Roland: And my name is Roland Schitt... And I'm the boss you're gonna come to when you don't understand why this guy is making you read about VHS tapes.
Johnny: Not exactly the united front we had discussed, Roland.
Roland: Well, Johnny, somebody has to inspire these people.

Quote from Moira

Moira: And where do we think we're going?
Alexis: Well, I feel like your publicist should be there if you're meeting with Tickle Bernstein.
Moira: [chuckles] Tippy. It's Tippy, and no, not necessary, dear. Not in your condition. Thank you.
Alexis: No, it's fine. I'll just throw on some clothes.
Moira: No! I insist. Mummy can handle this one all by herself. All right? What's important is that you stay here where no one can see you and focus on your critical self-care.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, I wanna see this.
[on an old Sunrise Bay:]
Clifton Sparks: You can and you know it!
Moira: How dare you make me kill my father twice! [repeated slaps] You'll pay for this one day.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Mr. Rose, this looks pretty fancy. You sure you're okay to pay for it? I know you have the motel to worry about.
Johnny: Well, I can't back out now, Stevie.
Stevie: David would understand. I mean, not at first, but deep down he's not a total monster.

Quote from David

David: So we're two minutes late and if this were the actual wedding, the doors would be closed and you would be locked out. Okay? Um, this is Penelope, she's our caterer. Penelope, this is my Dad, who's footing the bill for the food. Stevie is my Maid of Honor, she's just here to eat.

Quote from Moira

Tippy Bernstein: Moira fucking Rose. Wow. I mean, I figured time stood still in this town, but look at you! You are just as... gorgeous as the day I discovered you.
Moira: Oh Tippy. You're as alive as ever! No, don't get up!
Tippy Bernstein: No, no. Don't worry about it. Cured that vertigo years ago. I hired a hypnotherapist. Then I married her. And then I divorced her. [in a hypnotized voice] You-are-getting-very... broke.
Moira: Ha! [laughs] Tippy, I have missed that vaudevillian charm.

Quote from Moira

Tippy Bernstein: So, I'm sure you're dying to know what this is all about, and since this isn't sweeps weeks, I won't keep you hanging.
Moira: My imagination has become rather unbridled since you called. Let me guess. A reunion?
Tippy Bernstein: No, it's much, much, much, much better.
Moira: Some sort of televised event? It's a panel? Late night?
Tippy Bernstein: They wanna reboot "Sunrise Bay!"
Moira: What? Who...
Tippy Bernstein: No, no. It's a big, big co-production. All the good people want in. Moira, it's gonna be raw, it's gonna be edgy, and prime-time! A sexy new cast, but they have asked for prominent characters from the original to ground the whole thing. So I called Clifton...
Moira: Alphabetical.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Have you forgotten that Vivian was killed off?
Clifton Sparks: When has that ever stop us?
Moira: But that last time I was shredded.
Clifton Sparks: That's why we have writers. Let them do their magic.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: And then they shredded you.
Moira: Yes. Yes. I should have seen that coming after the contract demands but...
Alexis: Okay yes. Re: that drama. I just fell down a dark Sunrise fan-hole and found this message board about conspiracy theories.
Moira: Oh, Alexis.
Alexis: There are a lot of fans who think Clifton Sparks had you written off the show because he was jealous.
Moira: Don't be a dotty, poor Alexis. No I, unwittingly negotiated myself off the show. End of story.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay. You watch this video and tell me who you think he's referring to then. Come.
[old red carpet video:]
Reporter: There has been some serious Sunrise intrigue around the sudden departure of Vivian Blake. Can you tell us what happened?
Clifton Sparks: [slurring] She had a good run. But let's just say "someone" reminded the producers that there's only room for one head of surgery at Sunrise General. And I think all you housewives at home know who that should be.
[reality:]
Alexis: See, he's basically admitting to having you written off the show.
Moira: He's drunk there.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: They need you. And all I'm saying is, as your publicist and your daughter, and now the moderator of the Sunrise Bay fan forum, there's more to this story. And if you wanna go through with this after watching that video? Just remember that there is nothing wrong with asking for what you deserve.
Moira: Perhaps a little more housework and little less mouse work might do you some good, Alexis. But thank you for your pair of pennies.

Quote from Johnny

David: Hi. Oh, still eating the tenderloin?
Johnny: Well, they were just gonna throw it out, David.
David: Oh. Um, I noticed that there was some awkwardness earlier at the tasting, and I just got the sense that you were uncomfortable about something.
Johnny: Oh? I don't know why you would think that.
David: Penelope asked if you wanted to crack the top of the creme brulée and you asked, "If we break it, do we buy it?"
Johnny: Well, I think that was a perfectly legitimate question considering I wasn't even hungry after the beef.

Quote from Johnny

Stevie: Mr. Rose, It's not gonna always be like this.
Johnny: You know, we had a sizable nest egg set aside for David's wedding. He was talking about Bali for a while. We were gonna charter some jets. Fly everybody. I'm gonna get some air, Stevie.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Room for one more?
Clifton Sparks: Muffy, grab a chair. I hope you don't mind, we decided to get a head start on the celebration.
Tippy Bernstein: Extra dry? Extra olive?
Moira: Oh, thank you, Mr. Bernstein!
Clifton Sparks: Hey, tell that cute bartender I'd love a sex on the beach. And if she has time, I need another scotch.
Tippy Bernstein: Ha! You better hurry if you want to catch up.
Moira: Oh no, this doctor would rather nurse her potable, if you don't mind. Best to stay lucid for our congress.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, Tippy, I did not negotiate myself out of the job, did I?
Tippy Bernstein: You deserved every penny. Please, Moira, I want you to consider this offer as my amends. If you sign on them, we all get back to doing what we love.
Moira: There is something I love that I haven't been able to do for quite some time. [repeatedly slaps Clifton] Now, Mr. Bernstein, I have a few demands.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Hm. Hm. Mmm. I don't know, Johnny, I have been racking my brain to come up with the cash. I mean at this point, I'm willing to sell my baseball signed by Geena Davis.
Johnny: Might take more than that, Roland.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: What if we bought 30 more motels? Right now.
Johnny: What am I looking at?
Stevie: These are all the roadside motels currently for sale. Now, bottom line, we're not gonna make money off of two or three locations. We're only gonna start seeing the real money at 20 or 30 locations.
Roland: Yeah, I'm with Stevie, it's a lost cause.
Johnny: Now this would be a bigger undertaking. And if we franchised on a larger scale, yeah, the dividends would be greater. Stevie, where did you come up with this?
Stevie: Oh, it was in a book I was given. I don't know, maybe you read it. You did this before, Mr. Rose. I think you can do it again.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Well, we would need a proper investor to pull this off. You know, for the first time, I think I can actually call in some favours with this idea. I mean, we'd need a really strong pitch. And boy, I-I don't even know if anyone from the old life would even take a meeting but...
Stevie: A wise man once wrote: "You miss 100% of the tapes you don't play".
Johnny: I did write that.


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