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‘The Affair’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: The Affair

309. The Affair

Aired March 7, 2017

Moira spends a boozy evening with Roland at a municipal conference. Meanwhile, Alexis wonders whether Patrick has his eye on David as they set up the general store.

Quote from Moira

David: Okay, Alexis and I need the car, we're running some errands for the store today.
Alexis: Um, since when?
David: Uh, since I need help for a pick-up. And mom clearly already has a lift, and I'm pretty sure parents are supposed to put their children before themselves.
Moira: Oh, really? No. If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her own mask on first.

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Quote from Moira

Roland: Well, I'm gonna need you in there, by my side when we make this budget pitch.
Moira: You don't have to worry about me, Roland. If there is anyone at this fabulous little confab who know how to work a room of fragile egos, it's me. I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People Choice Awards.

Quote from Roland

Moira: Roland! What are you doing in my room?
Roland: What are you talking about? This is my room.
Moira: Well, what the fuck are you doing in your room?
Roland: Well, I was trying to sleep. Until you started pounding on the door, telling me to whip up a salmon plate. I finally let you in, you flaked out on the bed.
Moira: Oh, my God. Are you naked under there?
Roland: Honey, what I do in the privacy of my sheets is my own business.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Jocelyn and I spoke, and she told me you're still pretty upset, huh?
Johnny: Look, if anyone was upset it was Jocelyn. I was just upset because Jocelyn was upset.
Roland: All right, pal. Well, I'm here to put your mind at ease, okay? I am 99.999% sure that nothing happened between me and your wife.
Johnny: I'm 100% sure and I wasn't even there!
Roland: Well, I sure was. [laughing] All of me. You know, I spent 35 minutes this morning inspecting every inch of my body for bite marks, back scratches, lipstick prints. And I couldn't find anything. Well, there was this one thing on the bottom of my foot, but I think that may have been there before. I really don't know.

Quote from David

David: So what was going on there?
Alexis: Oh, nothing. He hasn't even asked for my phone number, which in my experience, means he's either newly married or he's gay. Okay, so, like if you're sensing a vibe or something, maybe that means that his eye's on somebody else.
David: He's a business major who wears straight-legged, mid-range denim. He's not into me.
Alexis: Okay, well it's either that or he's really into your store, which no offence seems a lot less likely to me.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Obviously. I didn't tell you anything because I was embarrassed. I was riding high, John, apparently really high, after winning what some people called a landmark victory for this and many other towns. Then I woke up in the last place I'd ever wanted to be.
Johnny: Well, can't say I'm not glad to hear you say that.
Moira: Oh John, I owe an apology to you. And to sober people everywhere.
Johnny: Well, I knew it was nothing happened, Moira, it's just I was getting a feeling you weren't taking this very seriously.
Moira: If I weren't, John, would I be pouring this out.
Johnny: Moira, that's my beer! You don't even drink beer!
Moira: It's symbolic, John.

Quote from Moira

Moira: David, I need the car keys, your father is driving me to Thornbridge.
Johnny: I'm driving you to Thornbridge?
Moira: To that municipalities conference. Yes.
Johnny: I thought Roland offered to drive you.
Moira: Oh, he did. But no thanks. I can't take four hours in the truck with Roland and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: You people are abusing the system. It's not a difficult system. Moira, look at this. Under purpose of trip he writes "driving."

Quote from Moira

Roland: Whoa, hold it right there. I want to see the look on your face when you walk into your first Regional Association of Municipalities Conference. And there it is. Ah, name tags. Let's get suited up.
Moira: Thank you but no, Roland. I won't wear anything with an adhesive backing.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Moira please, this is RAMC. These are the people with their fingers on the button of everything from road salting to quarry inspection to water tower repair. I mean, it's really kinda scary that we're all in here under one roof.
Moira: Oh, it's frightening. Yes.

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