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‘The Olive Branch’ Quotes

Schitt's Creek: The Olive Branch

409. The Olive Branch

Aired March 20, 2018

David tries to patch things up with Patrick. Meanwhile, Alexis starts a communications company and hopes to pitch the town on the idea of a singles' night, and Johnny gives Stevie a gift for being Employee of the Month.

Quote from Moira

Moira: After a glut of unasinous ideas put forth today, the room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation. Can we feel that? It's almost as though we're building towards some sort of inevitable climax.

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Quote from Moira

Moira: We landed on a one-of-a-kind event to celebrate and congregate those who happen to be unattached, uh, in the hopes of facilitating interpersonal connections.
Alexis: Sorry, so like a singles event, then?
Moira: That word is now considered derogatory. I believe they prefer to be called independents.
Alexis: So you stole my idea, took it to Council, and claimed it as your own?
Moira: Alexis, now is not the time for pettifogging!

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: I think we need to be more realistic about what we can pull off.
Moira: And who's to say what we can pull off? I recently heard of a small town in Scotland, no bigger than a thimble, that is making millions from a week-long singles fest. Now, if an idea as simple as that can work for a people as infamously disorganized as the Scotch, surely we can aspire to something of equal scale.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Here's the thing you should know about my Dad. Sweetest little guy, gives the worst gifts.
Stevie: Okay, well that makes me feel a little better.
Alexis: Like he built David a basketball court for his Bar Mitzvah.
Stevie: Oh, boy, okay.
Alexis: Mm hmm. And unfortunately, the only way to like, train it out of him, is to show him just how wrong the gift is. Like, David forced us to watch him shoot at a basket for 10 minutes, until the ball hit the rim, and then bounced back in his face. But it actually worked out perfectly, because all David really wanted for his Bar Mitzvah, was a nose job. They took the court down the next day.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Excuse me, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm single. The singles market is very lucrative. Did you know, that there's a small town in Ireland that hosts a singles week every year, and it's become so popular, that they're able to subsidize their entirely yearly budget, just on profits?
Moira: It's a valiant first effort, Alexis, it is. But darling, do keep those wheels turning! As the Irish like to say, [Irish accent] it's a cinch to mash the Murphy where there's love.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay, um, it's a singles night at the cafe. And the goal is, um, to get people from nearby communities together, for like romance and nibblies. And hire some staff, and dating experts, and make a whole night of it.
Moira: Darling, I realize the pickings are slim in this rural spanandry, but you can't ask Council to misuse public funds just so that you can find yourself a new boy toy.

Quote from Moira

Roland: All right, well, we have one here called Untitled Moira Rose Project.
Moira: I'd like us all to close our eyes, and picture 3 to 5 hundred acres of carefully-manicured lawn. Accessorized with sculptures from some of the world's most-significant cultural contributors. On your left, a whimsical gestalt by David Von Schlegell. On your right, a playful abstract by Isamu Noguchi. Dead ahead, your senses have just been affronted by a Magdalena Abakanowicz. Now, imagine an even more splendacious art park, in your very own backyard! Council, I humbly present Rosewood.
Roland: Er, yeah, I gotta say, you're not gonna find a bigger Noguchi-head than me, but I think I speak for everyone here when I say, good luck on getting your mitts on a Von Schlegell! [laughs, coughs] Am I right, guys?

Quote from Alexis

Stevie: By all means, feel free to use the printer whenever you like.
Alexis: Thank you. Just, um, receipt for business cards that I ordered. Hmm. And a few pages of temporary letterhead. And, um, a list of Buzzfeed's most motivational quotes for girl bosses under 30.

Quote from David

Patrick: Okay, David, well I'm gonna go to dinner, and if you wanted to join me, and pay for it, that could be a start.
David: Yeah, maybe I could do that. Uh, I just think I have something to do first, so...
Patrick: What is this?
David: Consider this my olive branch. [David dances and lip syncs as Tina Turner's "The Best" plays]

Quote from Alexis

Johnny: And, there she is! Hot off the presses!
Alexis: Alexis Rose.
David: Why is there a line through it?
Johnny: Oh, toner must be low.
Moira: This certificate reminds me of the one you were awarded for getting your braces off. Now that was a grand day.
David: Yes, except my orthodontist had a slightly better printer.
Alexis: I'm sorry, did David spend four months earning a degree?
Moira: Alexis, we're equally proud of you, dear.

Quote from David

Johnny: Let's see what this says, Alexis? Elmdale College, Alexis Rose, majoring in Marketing and... [David gasps] Looks like a bit of a typo.
David: Pubic relations.
Alexis: What? Oh my god, give me that!
Johnny: No, honey, obviously it's a bit a of a misprint.
David: Is it though, do you think? [Alexis grunts]

Quote from David

Stevie: That's a nice bracelet. Did you get that from Patrick?
David: I might have.
Stevie: So you waiting a full week to forgive him has nothing to do with the fact that he showered you with gifts and attention every day.
David: That is purely coincidental! I was just working up the strength, to be able to put our differences aside, for the future of our relationship.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Well, I know I lot of people who are gonna be very excited that you guys have worked things out.
David: Well, that is very touching. I'm glad that we have everyone's support.
Stevie: Yeah, I think it's that, uh, and I think it's the fact that you've been a smidge needy this past week?
David: Hmm.
Stevie: Maybe needy's the wrong word.
David: Hmm.
Stevie: Clingy?

Quote from David

Stevie: Good luck.
David: [sighs] Thank you. And I have missed him a lot. And I am very excited to not, not be with him anymore.
Stevie: I know. You sure you don't wanna wait another day, though? I mean you never know what could show up on your doorstep.
David: I don't like what you're insinuating. That said, if a package does arrive, please keep it safe.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?
Moira: Oh, always. Just not now. Council is about to decide which bid will be awarded the first-ever district-wide Arts and Culture Grant.
Alexis: I know. Which is why I wanted to give you this.
Moira: And what, pray tell, might this collection of words be?

Quote from Moira

Alexis: As of today, feel free to refer to me as Alexis Rose, Founder and CEO of Alexis Rose Communications.
Moira: Alexis, that's wonderful!
Alexis: This is my first business proposal. I'm throwing my hat in the ring for the Arts and Culture Grant.
Moira: Wow! Now, don't get me wrong, there is no High-Street beret that I would rather have thrown in my ring, but, I have a funny feeling Council already has its favourite.
Alexis: Okay, well I wish I knew it was rigged before I worked so hard on it.
Moira: Oh, very well, Alexis, let's hear your elevator pitch. But bear in mind, I have to get off on the next floor.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Uh oh, looks like something showed up for you this morning.
Stevie: O-Kay? Who's it from?
Johnny: Well, there might be a hint in the card.
Stevie: "Congratulations, Employee of the Month"? Since when has this been a thing?
Johnny: Well, this is the second month. I won it last month, took myself out for lunch. I'm kidding.

Quote from Roland

Roland: I like this singles idea.
Moira: No.
Roland: Single people is what this town needs! Loose wallets, loose inhibitions, everything's just really loose.

Quote from Alexis

Stevie: I'm gonna do something uncharacteristic, and ask your advice. Is there something off about the way that I look?
Alexis: Did someone mention the posture thing?
Stevie: What?
Alexis: Is it the utility shirts?
Stevie: No.
Alexis: No, okay, um, well you should probably just go ahead and tell me what you meant then.

Quote from David

David: I was ready to get back together days ago!
Patrick: What?
David: Yes.
Patrick: Then why didn't we?
David: I've never been in this situation before. Where someone's been so nice to me. And generous.
Patrick: I'm sorry, were you holding back on talking to me because you were getting gifts?
David: I was very upset, and confused. So upset, that I barely finished the chocolates.
Patrick: David, this wasn't meant to be some Advent calendar of apologies, it was like an olive branch to get you to talk to me.
David: I just, I guess, didn't know, how many olive branches you were planning on extending.
Patrick: Ideally, one!

Quote from David

Patrick: And now I know, that while I was torturing myself, you were sitting at home, just opening gifts. I see you like the bracelet.
Patrick: Love the bracelet, thank you.
David: Um, does this mean that we are back..?
Patrick: You know what, I feel like now maybe I deserve an olive branch, or two?
David: Okay, I understand that. What if I gave you back some of the olive branches that you gave to me? I was lying about the chocolates, I ate them all. But I'm sure there are some flowers that are still alive.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: So, I'm happy to man the desk for you this afternoon, if you've got stuff to do.
Johnny: Oh, no, no, I- I can keep working here.
Stevie: No, Mr. Rose, I insist. I feel like I'm long overdue for some quality, like, face time with the guests.
Johnny: Oh, okay, well if that's what you feel.
Stevie: You know what the great thing about this is? Right after work, I can do go a quick shift over at Bazonga's Gentleman's Lounge.
Johnny: All right, I'm getting the hint.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Look, Stevie, I'm not necessarily known for my gift-giving skills, but Arlene down at the store said this is what all the young locals are buying, and I...
Stevie: No, I really appreciate the gift, but let's just agree that going forward, we don't need gifts to express our mutual appreciation.
Johnny: Understood. Well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna step outside. I'm getting flashbacks of David attempting a 3-pointer.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Alexis? Oh, there you are! What a delightful little home office you've created for yourself.
Alexis: Thank you.
Moira: Succulents, and all!

Quote from Moira

Moira: Singles Week just happened to be the idea that received a lot of traction.
Alexis: Singles Week? I was pitching a Singles Night.
Moira: No. No, no, no, you specifically referenced a small shire in Scotland-
Alexis: Ireland!
Moira: That had a very lucrative week-long singles event.
Alexis: No, that is where I got the idea for singles night. I was proposing like, a matchmaking event at the cafe.
Moira: Well then, I took your little germ of an idea, and I fertilized it to fruition.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay, okay, I literally started my company today. Do you know how much work this is gonna be? Okay, we will be Co-Chairs, and I will be charging Council my full fee.
Moira: Starting to get keyed up about this prospect of a mother-daughter power team. Modern day Judy and Lorna.
Alexis: I don't know who that is.
Moira: Oh, my God.


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