Ted: [on Skype] Hey, babe!
Alexis: Hey, babe!
Ted: Oh my God! Where are you? Is that the ocean? I wish. It's a poster of the ocean. 'Cause I'm actually in Stewart's dorm room right now because mine got evacuated last night - small fire ants issue.
Alexis: Yikes! Hope everything's okay.
Ted: It was a real "Fyre Fest." [chuckles]

Barb: We are so very lucky to be joined this morning by Moira Rose. Well, ach!
Lizzie: Ach!
Barb: What a ride this has been!
Lizzie: Yes.
Moira: What a ride indeed, Barb! Oh, let me first assure your viewers that not a single crow was harmed, and as for the humans, oh, nothing but a little wounded pride... and one severed earlobe.

Alexis: Um... what's all this?
Moira: They just keep coming.
Alexis: Well, congratulations. That must mean everyone's happy.
Moira: Oh, very happy, yes. Thanks to your little attack of the corvidae, we are Interflix's number one stream of the day. Tied only with the fourth season of Caroline in the City.
Alexis: From Interflix. "To Alexis, congratulations and thank you. The competition is eating crow." [chuckles] "Love, your new best friends at Interflix."
Moira: They're all for you. Well, not those, those are from Joyce DeWitt.

Johnny: You know, Roland, I do not miss being single.
Roland: Whoa, here's to that. [bottles clink] Cheers, my friend.
Johnny: Not that I didn't have fun in my day. They actually used to call me "the closer."
Roland: Yeah. [chuckles] Well, that was probably because women used to close out their tabs and go home when you came into the bar.
Johnny: All right, speaking of closing out tabs, I think we should get out of here.
Roland: Which is what the women used to say to each other when they saw you walking through the door.
Johnny: I'm not setting you up anymore, Roland.
Roland: Which is that what your matchmaker said! [laughing]
Johnny: Oh, boy.

Johnny: Okay, all right, are you in or not?
Ronnie: Ooh, I'm in. 'Cause I don't wanna miss a chance to see how this plays out.
Johnny: Bob?
Bob: Well, it... it would be so nice to not be completely alone for a night. Uh, lucky Gwen, she has another one of her male cousins visiting. [chuckles then sobs]

Roland: Move over. I... [clears throat] will be the woman.
Johnny: Okay. So we're in a bar and, uh, you see this very intriguing looking gentleman.
Roland: Okay. [clears throat] [high voice] Hello, I'm... I'm Gwen.
Bob: Oh...
Ronnie: You had to pick Gwen?
Roland: I'm sorry, I saw Bob standing there and that was the first name I thought of. They're always together.

Johnny: I don't know if I can speak on behalf of women here...
Ronnie: You can't.
Johnny: Moira used to say, when she was single, she would always be attracted to men who could make her laugh.
Ronnie: How'd she end up with you?

Moira: Yes, everything you saw was part of a carefully orchestrated, entirely deliberate stunt.
Barb: Oh, well, it seems to have worked, Moira. With over more than 2 million views in less than 24 hours, this video has created an incredible buzz for the movie, which, as of right now, is officially trending on Interflix.
Moira: It is?! [laughs excitedly] Well, if you're saying it's a smash hit, then I'm just going to have to take your word for it. As well as the word of millions of streamers across the internet, I suppose. You know, the brilliant thing about being on streaming is that one can start the movie at any point, any time they like.

Lizzie: You know, Moira, I think it's safe to say you are officially back in the game!
Barb: Yes!
Moira: Well, you heard it here first! Do not adjust your sets! Excuse me, but I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge my daughter, Alexis Rose. This whole PR coup d'état never would've happened without her.
Alexis: [muted] Honestly, we just had fun with it.
Moira: Can't hear you. [chuckles] Poor dear's not mic'd.
Lizzie: Well, looks like there's no stopping you two now! Congratulations!
Both: Thank you!

Johnny: Or, what if... we take Bob out for the evening and kind of act as his wing-men.
Roland: Johnny, you know, the whole dating scene has kind of changed a little since you were single. [clears throat] First off, we now have electricity. [laughs]