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44Quotes from ‘General Store’

Schitt's Creek: General Store

307. General Store

Aired February 21, 2017

When David has the idea of taking on the lease of the general store, Moira is undecided and could use her position on council to stymie his plans. Meanwhile, Alexis starts high school, and Johnny tries to improve the motel's offering with a continental breakfast.

Quote from David

Moira: David, there you are. I come bearing good news.
David: And what's that? Your friends at Christmas World are looking for a deeply embittered, mildly Hebraic-looking elf?!

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Quote from Alexis

Jocelyn: So here's the thing about Marie Antoinette. Even though I love to eat cake, I think I'd be pretty annoyed with her myself. I do see your hand up Alexis, it's just that you probably haven't had a chance to catch up.
Alexis: Okay, it's just that she never actually said "Let them eat cake."
Jocelyn: Um well, that depends on who you ask.
Alexis: Hmm, well, I asked Kirsten Dunst, who played her in the movie. Um, that line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it. And um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs.
Jocelyn: Thank you for that contribution to the discussion, now-
Alexis: My friends used to call me Marie. And that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing. Um, but it's also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just, like, partying too hard.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, what a startling little tannenbaum. To whom do we owe our reciprocity for this yuletide gift?
Ronnie: It says Christmas World right on it.
Moira: Oh, I see! Sometimes the eyes won't allow the brain to see things at first. Like the cultural and economic benefits of a seasonally specific store.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: In here, Moira.
Moira: There are cinnamon buns in the lobby.
Johnny: Oh come on, Moira, Moira. These are for the continental breakfast we're offering at the motel.
Moira: Continental breakfast?
Johnny: They're for the guests.
Moira: How whimsical.

Quote from Stevie

David: I just find it extremely violating.
Stevie: Because your parents threw money at you?
David: Yes! They paid for everything, it's like a form of child abuse.
Stevie: Don't quote me on this, but it seems like their intentions were good. I mean, they didn't buy all the good reviews your galleries got.
David: Who's to say?!
Stevie: Yeah, I mean, they do give me a small weekly stipend for hanging out with you, so...

Quote from Alexis

Jocelyn: Good morning, class. I'm sure you have all noticed there's a new student in our midst. Let's give a warm welcome to Alexis Rose. She is here until the end of the semester to finish her diploma. [applause] Okay, so let's open our books.
Alexis: Oh, um, I'd just like to say a few words.
Jocelyn: Okay, we're actually just running a little bit behind.
Alexis: Hey. So as Jocelyn said, my name is Alexis, and yes, I did not finish high school. Um, it's this long, boring story involving a yacht, and a famous soccer player, and like a ton of mushrooms. Anyway, I think it would be so great if we could just go around the room, and everyone could tell me like, five things about yourself.
Jocelyn: Actually, we don't have time for that today. Maybe you could talk between classes, or after school, or on the weekends.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Wow, this could be very exciting. You know, a continental breakfast could add an extra star on our rating.
Twyla: Oh wow, so how many stars would that give you?
Johnny: One.

Quote from Moira

David: Anyway, just don't trust anyone that wants to be your friend on the first day, okay?
Moira: And you mustn't let anyone push you around, I will not relive that bullying nightmare.
Alexis: I wasn't bullied.
Johnny: She doesn't mean you, Alexis.
David: Uh, it wasn't that bad.
Moira: That's the heartbreaking part. He was so blissfully unaware.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay, I'm gonna go.
David: Okay, I think you're brave.
Johnny: Well, that's very nice of you to say, David.
Alexis: Okay, he's being sarcastic!
David: What?!
Johnny: Oh.
Moira: It's a defence mechanism. From all the bullying.
David: Oh, my God!

Quote from Stevie

David: I can't tell what's more tragic, the fact that the only store in town is closing, or that they've decided to display fungal cream beside the cereal boxes.
Stevie: That's actually really convenient, because I forgot to have breakfast, and I'm running low on fungal cream, so...
David: I don't wanna hear you say fungal again.
Stevie: Fungal?

Quote from David

David: I mean, this store in the right hands could be very lucrative.
Stevie: Uh huh, and by the right hands, you mean your hands?
David: Well, I mean someone with faultless taste who understands what people want and need, and if those happen to be my hands, then...
Stevie: So why don't you do something about it?
David: I'm pretty sure telling them that they've driven their store into the ground might be rubbing salt in the wound.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: No, I'm saying ever since you walked in here you've been talking about how you would've done things differently, so now's your chance.
David: Okay, your eyebrows never move, so I can't tell whether you're being serious or not.
Stevie: I think you should put what little money you have where your mouth is.
David: I do have a very good idea.
Stevie: What you lack in most things, you make up for in unsubstantiated confidence.
David: Okay, are we good to go?!

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: Well, I'm not voting for it.
Moira: I'm inclined to side with Veronica on this.

Quote from Roland

Roland: All right. Look guys, this is a big decision. Let's take a little time to think about it. It's-it's Christmas World! We don't wanna get on their naughty list. [laughs]

Quote from Johnny

Ivan: Oh. This is where I bake. I have three ovens. Is tradition in my family. We make vatritza, burek, gibantsa and now I making uh, Danish, eclair, American-style toaster popping tart.
Johnny: Wow, that sounds great, Ivan, but I was thinking cinnamon buns. You know, the smell of cinnamon in the motel lobby, mmm!
Ivan: Mr. Rose, for you, I can make anything.
Johnny: Great.
Ivan: Blueberry bun, butter tart, blueberry butter tart with raisin, blueberry butter tart with chips of chocolate...
Johnny: Well, let's just stick with cinnamon buns for now, and if this works, we'll take it from there.

Quote from Moira

Moira: And just what is this exciting new venture?
David: I plan to submit a lease application for the general store.
Moira: Ha! Oh! Can you imagine..? Not seizing on this opportunity.
David: Well, I'll be investing some of the money I got from the Blouse Barn.
Moira: Mmm-hmm, a bold decision. Especially since the previous business has since gone under. Dare I say, the space might be cursed?

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: Who wants a silver tree? The only people who buy silver trees are serial killers, and single men over 40, and my cousin, who is a single man over 40.

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: Okay, what did they send you?
Moira: Nothing, I assure you. But when one considers the alternatives...
Ronnie: Moira, are you caving on this?
Moira: I'm just thinking out loud. What if a young, independent business person were to step in? I worry... One worries... You worry, are they too naive, or overly coddled, or emotionally precious to handle the rigour of establishing a business?

Quote from Bob

Bob: Look, I, uh... I don't wanna pressure anyone, but, uh, Gwen did tell me if I, uh, I don't get Christmas World passed, I shouldn't come home.

Quote from Moira

Moira: David, sit, please. I know you think what I did was cruel, but I was just protecting you. And I'd say you'll understand one day, but you don't enjoy children, so perhaps you won't.
David: Okay, protect me from what?
Moira: From yourself. Your father and I have not prepared you for an undertaking of this scope.
David: Okay, what about all the galleries? Those were all me. I've run businesses before.
Moira: Never on your own, and never without a safety net.
David: I don't know how many times I have to thank you for the start-up money. But I opened those galleries myself.
Moira: And who do you think bought all that art, and sold out all your shows?
David: Uh, my patrons.
Moira: And who do you think bought all your patrons?
David: [gasps] So you're telling me that my entire professional career was a sham?!
Moira: We helped you because we could. And now I realize that might not have been the best thing for you or your autonomy, but...
David: Okay, well, now I guess I'll never find out if I could've succeeded on my own.
Moira: David!
[David slams the door, opens it and looks at Moira, and slams it again.]

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: It's a start, it's a start, it's a big step.
David: What exactly goes into a "continental breakfast?"
Johnny: It's a breakfast, David, it's a light breakfast with pastries and coffee.
Alexis: What's continental about that?
Johnny: It's for business travellers, travelling the continent, eating breakfast, and continental travelling.
Moira: That doesn't sound even remotely correct.
Johnny: Well, it's European, Moira, so...

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Okay, come on, seriously! There's only one left?!
Moira: I know, Stevie was eating the other one.
David: Here, why don't you have this, and I'll take the big one.
Johnny: [slaps David's hand] It's all right, I'll take care of it. Well, I guess it would be wrong to serve the guests day-olds. You know this bun added a star to our rating?
Alexis: How many did we have before?
Johnny: Not the point.


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