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44Quotes from ‘General Store’

Schitt's Creek: General Store

307. General Store

Aired February 21, 2017

When David has the idea of taking on the lease of the general store, Moira is undecided and could use her position on council to stymie his plans. Meanwhile, Alexis starts high school, and Johnny tries to improve the motel's offering with a continental breakfast.

Quote from David

Moira: David, there you are. I come bearing good news.
David: And what's that? Your friends at Christmas World are looking for a deeply embittered, mildly Hebraic-looking elf?!

Quote from Alexis

Jocelyn: So here's the thing about Marie Antoinette. Even though I love to eat cake, I think I'd be pretty annoyed with her myself. I do see your hand up Alexis, it's just that you probably haven't had a chance to catch up.
Alexis: Okay, it's just that she never actually said "Let them eat cake."
Jocelyn: Um well, that depends on who you ask.
Alexis: Hmm, well, I asked Kirsten Dunst, who played her in the movie. Um, that line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it. And um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs.
Jocelyn: Thank you for that contribution to the discussion, now-
Alexis: My friends used to call me Marie. And that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing. Um, but it's also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just, like, partying too hard.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, what a startling little tannenbaum. To whom do we owe our reciprocity for this yuletide gift?
Ronnie: It says Christmas World right on it.
Moira: Oh, I see! Sometimes the eyes won't allow the brain to see things at first. Like the cultural and economic benefits of a seasonally specific store.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: In here, Moira.
Moira: There are cinnamon buns in the lobby.
Johnny: Oh come on, Moira, Moira. These are for the continental breakfast we're offering at the motel.
Moira: Continental breakfast?
Johnny: They're for the guests.
Moira: How whimsical.

Quote from Stevie

David: I just find it extremely violating.
Stevie: Because your parents threw money at you?
David: Yes! They paid for everything, it's like a form of child abuse.
Stevie: Don't quote me on this, but it seems like their intentions were good. I mean, they didn't buy all the good reviews your galleries got.
David: Who's to say?!
Stevie: Yeah, I mean, they do give me a small weekly stipend for hanging out with you, so...

Quote from Alexis

Jocelyn: Good morning, class. I'm sure you have all noticed there's a new student in our midst. Let's give a warm welcome to Alexis Rose. She is here until the end of the semester to finish her diploma. [applause] Okay, so let's open our books.
Alexis: Oh, um, I'd just like to say a few words.
Jocelyn: Okay, we're actually just running a little bit behind.
Alexis: Hey. So as Jocelyn said, my name is Alexis, and yes, I did not finish high school. Um, it's this long, boring story involving a yacht, and a famous soccer player, and like a ton of mushrooms. Anyway, I think it would be so great if we could just go around the room, and everyone could tell me like, five things about yourself.
Jocelyn: Actually, we don't have time for that today. Maybe you could talk between classes, or after school, or on the weekends.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Wow, this could be very exciting. You know, a continental breakfast could add an extra star on our rating.
Twyla: Oh wow, so how many stars would that give you?
Johnny: One.

Quote from Moira

David: Anyway, just don't trust anyone that wants to be your friend on the first day, okay?
Moira: And you mustn't let anyone push you around, I will not relive that bullying nightmare.
Alexis: I wasn't bullied.
Johnny: She doesn't mean you, Alexis.
David: Uh, it wasn't that bad.
Moira: That's the heartbreaking part. He was so blissfully unaware.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay, I'm gonna go.
David: Okay, I think you're brave.
Johnny: Well, that's very nice of you to say, David.
Alexis: Okay, he's being sarcastic!
David: What?!
Johnny: Oh.
Moira: It's a defence mechanism. From all the bullying.
David: Oh, my God!

Quote from Stevie

David: I can't tell what's more tragic, the fact that the only store in town is closing, or that they've decided to display fungal cream beside the cereal boxes.
Stevie: That's actually really convenient, because I forgot to have breakfast, and I'm running low on fungal cream, so...
David: I don't wanna hear you say fungal again.
Stevie: Fungal?

Quote from David

David: I mean, this store in the right hands could be very lucrative.
Stevie: Uh huh, and by the right hands, you mean your hands?
David: Well, I mean someone with faultless taste who understands what people want and need, and if those happen to be my hands, then...
Stevie: So why don't you do something about it?
David: I'm pretty sure telling them that they've driven their store into the ground might be rubbing salt in the wound.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: No, I'm saying ever since you walked in here you've been talking about how you would've done things differently, so now's your chance.
David: Okay, your eyebrows never move, so I can't tell whether you're being serious or not.
Stevie: I think you should put what little money you have where your mouth is.
David: I do have a very good idea.
Stevie: What you lack in most things, you make up for in unsubstantiated confidence.
David: Okay, are we good to go?!

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: Well, I'm not voting for it.
Moira: I'm inclined to side with Veronica on this.

Quote from Roland

Roland: All right. Look guys, this is a big decision. Let's take a little time to think about it. It's-it's Christmas World! We don't wanna get on their naughty list. [laughs]

Quote from Johnny

Ivan: Oh. This is where I bake. I have three ovens. Is tradition in my family. We make vatritza, burek, gibantsa and now I making uh, Danish, eclair, American-style toaster popping tart.
Johnny: Wow, that sounds great, Ivan, but I was thinking cinnamon buns. You know, the smell of cinnamon in the motel lobby, mmm!
Ivan: Mr. Rose, for you, I can make anything.
Johnny: Great.
Ivan: Blueberry bun, butter tart, blueberry butter tart with raisin, blueberry butter tart with chips of chocolate...
Johnny: Well, let's just stick with cinnamon buns for now, and if this works, we'll take it from there.

Quote from Moira

Moira: And just what is this exciting new venture?
David: I plan to submit a lease application for the general store.
Moira: Ha! Oh! Can you imagine..? Not seizing on this opportunity.
David: Well, I'll be investing some of the money I got from the Blouse Barn.
Moira: Mmm-hmm, a bold decision. Especially since the previous business has since gone under. Dare I say, the space might be cursed?

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: Who wants a silver tree? The only people who buy silver trees are serial killers, and single men over 40, and my cousin, who is a single man over 40.

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: Okay, what did they send you?
Moira: Nothing, I assure you. But when one considers the alternatives...
Ronnie: Moira, are you caving on this?
Moira: I'm just thinking out loud. What if a young, independent business person were to step in? I worry... One worries... You worry, are they too naive, or overly coddled, or emotionally precious to handle the rigour of establishing a business?

Quote from Bob

Bob: Look, I, uh... I don't wanna pressure anyone, but, uh, Gwen did tell me if I, uh, I don't get Christmas World passed, I shouldn't come home.

Quote from Moira

Moira: David, sit, please. I know you think what I did was cruel, but I was just protecting you. And I'd say you'll understand one day, but you don't enjoy children, so perhaps you won't.
David: Okay, protect me from what?
Moira: From yourself. Your father and I have not prepared you for an undertaking of this scope.
David: Okay, what about all the galleries? Those were all me. I've run businesses before.
Moira: Never on your own, and never without a safety net.
David: I don't know how many times I have to thank you for the start-up money. But I opened those galleries myself.
Moira: And who do you think bought all that art, and sold out all your shows?
David: Uh, my patrons.
Moira: And who do you think bought all your patrons?
David: [gasps] So you're telling me that my entire professional career was a sham?!
Moira: We helped you because we could. And now I realize that might not have been the best thing for you or your autonomy, but...
David: Okay, well, now I guess I'll never find out if I could've succeeded on my own.
Moira: David!
[David slams the door, opens it and looks at Moira, and slams it again.]

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: It's a start, it's a start, it's a big step.
David: What exactly goes into a "continental breakfast?"
Johnny: It's a breakfast, David, it's a light breakfast with pastries and coffee.
Alexis: What's continental about that?
Johnny: It's for business travellers, travelling the continent, eating breakfast, and continental travelling.
Moira: That doesn't sound even remotely correct.
Johnny: Well, it's European, Moira, so...

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Okay, come on, seriously! There's only one left?!
Moira: I know, Stevie was eating the other one.
David: Here, why don't you have this, and I'll take the big one.
Johnny: [slaps David's hand] It's all right, I'll take care of it. Well, I guess it would be wrong to serve the guests day-olds. You know this bun added a star to our rating?
Alexis: How many did we have before?
Johnny: Not the point.

Quote from David

Alexis: Okay well, you could've dropped me off back there.
Johnny: Oh, don't be silly honey. We're happy to drive you right to the front door.
David: Yeah, this is an iconic moment in all of our lives, and I think we should experience it to the fullest.

Quote from Alexis

Johnny: Is that appropriate attire for high school, do you think?
Alexis: Yeah well, what's wrong with it?!
Johnny: Well...
Alexis: Well, now you're making me nervous!

Quote from David

David: Yeah, it's like they knew what the consumer wanted, and then ran in the opposite direction.
Store Owner: Finding everything okay?
David: Yes. Yeah. It's sad about the store.
Store Owner: Thank you, it's been very hard.
Stevie: [whispers] Yeah, I can imagine.
David: Yeah, they just missed the mark, you know?

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Oh, I see you have a new enterprise.
Ivan: Yeah, it was always my dream to bake muffins.
Johnny: Well, funny you should mention it, because I'm thinking of doing a continental breakfast at the motel, and this could be, uh, very helpful.
Ivan: Yeah. I not make breakfast.
Johnny: No, no, no, a continental breakfast, just pastries and coffee.
Ivan: No coffee.
Johnny: Oh, I wouldn't expect you to make the coffee.
Ivan: No, I make coffee, but only for myself.
Johnny: Yeah, no, no, it's just your muffins that I'm interested in.

Quote from Bob

Roland: So, there are carols playing, and it snows inside all day long.
Bob: Gwen's gonna lose her mind.

Quote from Bob

Ronnie: What now?!
Moira: No need to terminate your chitter-chatter on our accounts.
Bob: You gonna tell them, or should I?
Roland: Ladies, um we have some good news-
Bob: Christmas world moving into town!
Roland: Bob, okay, there's a way to do these things, and I'm the one who's supposed to lead these meetings, - all right?
Bob: They wanna take over the general store.
Roland: Bob!
Bob: I'm sorry! It's just, you know, it's big news.

Quote from Ronnie

Moira: And what on earth is a Christmas World?
Roland: They sell Christmas stuff all year round.
Moira: But is this really the kind of business we want in this town?
Ronnie: You know, I have yet to find an ornament in there that I'd put on my tree. And I heard those little elves they have running around, they're actually underage kids.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Ladies, if we don't approve this, then Christmas World will take its fake snow, and its all-you-can-drink nog fountain to Elmdale!
Moira: Well, that makes our decision easy.
Roland: Oh, Moira! Moira, Moira, Moira. A word to the wise, okay? You don't vote against Christmas. It's huge business. Tourist dollars!

Quote from Johnny

Ivan: And I'm giving you special price.
Johnny: Thank you.
Ivan: Because you know Twyla.
Johnny: Yes, I do.
Ivan: I watch you make her laugh.
Johnny: You watch me make her laugh? Oh, so you you like Twyla? Oh, well, you should, uh, talk to her, I guess.
Ivan: No, no, I can't. I try, but when I speak, is like many, many muffin in my mouth. You talk for me?
Johnny: Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't be too comfortable doing that, no.
Ivan: You just say nice thing. I'll give you cinnamon bun for free. You say, he's a good man, hard worker, never hurt no one.
Johnny: Well, I wouldn't lead with that but, uh... No, no, I think this is better coming from you.

Quote from Moira

David: So, I have some news.
Moira: Oh, David, I'm not sure I'm in the mood to hear about another sexual exploit. I'm sorry, who is it this time?

Quote from David

David: I have actually been thinking about going back to work.
Moira: That's wonderful! You've received an offer?
David: Um, it's more of a plan for an idea of a-a thing that I will be working at.
Moira: Well, that sounds less concrete, but full of promise, I'm sure. I know you've been moping about the motel for some time now.
David: Mm, decompressing. Um, and from that decompression came the idea to start my own business.

Quote from Moira

David: Okay, the general store was a disaster.
Moira: And your plan is to raise it from the ashes? Well, that's a risky move on the part of your investors.
David: I don't have any investors. It's just me.
Moira: Just you?
David: I am doing this all on my own.
Moira: All on your own?
David: Yeah, I've actually given it a lot of thought.
Moira: You have?
David: You're the that's been telling me to get back to work!
Moira: I did?
David: Oh, my God!
Moira: What, I'm simply asking questions!
David: No, you're not, you're just repeating random things that I've been saying!
Moira: Oh, far be it from me to stand in your way while you roll the dice with your hard-earned savings.
David: Thank you! That's all you had to say.

Quote from Bob

Bob: [answering phone] It's Gwen. The woman has a sixth sense. Hi, honey, are you sitting down?
Moira: [to Ronnie] Trust me, it's for the best.
Bob: It's happening! [laughs] It's really happening!

Quote from Jocelyn

Jocelyn: Girls? What did I say about passing notes in class? I'll see you both after school. You know who else passed notes? This lady passed a lot of secret notes, and eventually was killed.

Quote from David

David: How am I?! Terrific! Aside from the fact that I caught wind that Christmas World was moving into the general store. Just when I thought that the taste levels in this town were already scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Moira: Oh! Tell me about it.
David: Hmm. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that the deciding factor in all of this was my own mother! It seems extremely off brand to support a disgusting big box store like that.

Quote from Johnny

Ivan: Mr. Rose, I blow it.
Johnny: Oh, well, there's always tomorrow, Ivan. No, no, don't- All right, have a seat.
Ivan: I always watch romantic movies. "Got Mail," "When Harry Met Sally," "Smell of Woman."
Johnny: Yeah, Ivan, you don't want to be over-preparing.

Quote from Johnny

Ivan: What does dog say before the breakfast? Bun appetite. Bun appetite. Bun...
Johnny: Bone appetit, I think it's a dog bone joke.
Ivan: Bun appetite.

Quote from Alexis

Jocelyn: Girls, passing notes in class is not only disruptive to the whole student body-
Alexis: I started it. I passed the note to Steph M. And Becky.
Jocelyn: Alexis, if you're gonna be in this class, you are gonna have to learn to be less disruptive. Now let's see what was so important.
Becky: That really isn't necessary, Mrs. Schitt.
Jocelyn: "Alexis is too pretty, and everyone's talking about the dress. So gorge." [to Alexis] Okay, I love that you're so confident.
Alexis: Mmm-hmm.
Jocelyn: It's just that we're going to have to focus a little less on ourselves, and a little more on the material.
Alexis: Totally.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: I stole this dress from Ashlee Simpson. Or like, she stole it from me, and then I stole it back.
Becky: Do you wanna have lunch tomorrow?
Alexis: Sure.

Quote from Moira

Moira: I thought you might like to know that council has agreed to accept your application.
David: What about Christmas World?
Moira: I had a very effective strategy to change everyone's minds, that I ultimately didn't get to use, because Christmas World pulled out.

Quote from Moira

Stevie: This is good news.
David: I mean, yeah, if someone hadn't snuffed out the last remaining embers of my self-confidence.
Moira: Why don't you channel some of that charming self-pity into a business plan, okay? Because the lease is yours, David, if you still want it.
Stevie: Which he does.
Moira: If there's anyone in this town who might have the eye to create something truly beautiful, it's you, David. And me, but in this case, you.
David: Okay. I will submit my application.

Quote from Johnny

David: There's cinnamon buns in the lobby. These are good.
Alexis: I know, where are these from?
Johnny: Yeah, I got those for the motel. They're supposed to be for the guests.
Alexis: Okay, well, they were just sitting there.
Johnny: Oh, they weren't just sitting there, Alexis, they're the product of a lot of hard work.


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