David: Are you hearing anything I'm saying?
Alexis: Yes. Stay off your phone. Wait for the delivery man to drop off whatever. You can trust me.
David: Okay, can I? Because the last time I left you in charge of something...
Alexis: Ugh! This is about those stupid Tamagotchi?
David: Actually it is.
Stevie: Okay guys.
Alexis: You left me with six of them, David. Taking care of that many is like a full-time job!
David: I left you with six adult Tamagotchis in perfect health! And by the time I came home, they were all dead. You have to like actively murder them in order for that to happen!

David: Look at you, just drowning in other people's phone numbers.
Alexis: Who was that hunk with the teeny-weeny little polo?
Patrick: His name is Ken.
David: Ken! Just when I thought it was impossible to find a thirty-something named Ken!

David: The gallery worked with Janet Kempfluugen.
Johnny: Kempfluugen?
David: She's a Brooklyn based performance artist. She's a big deal. Anyway, um, she would walk into the space wearing a clay mask of a fawn, remove her clothing and breastfeed members of the audience. It was a commentary on income inequality.

Stevie: So, just to be clear, um, I'm a red wine drinker.
David: That's fine.
Stevie: Okay, cool. But, uh, I only drink red wine.
David: Okay.
Stevie: And up until last night I was under the impression that you too only drank red wine. But I guess I was wrong?
David: I see where you're going with this. Um, I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine.
Stevie: Oh.
David: And I've been known to sample the occasional rosé. And a couple summers back I tried a merlot, that used to be a chardonnay.
Stevie: Uh, okay.
David: Which got a bit complicated.
Stevie: Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines.
David: I like the wine, and not the label. Does that make sense?

Moira: David, there you are. I come bearing good news.
David: And what's that? Your friends at Christmas World are looking for a deeply embittered, mildly Hebraic-looking elf?!

Patrick: I have to say, David, I'm a little shocked that you agreed to do this. I know how fearful you are of heights.
David: Hmm. Well, "fearful" makes me sound like some Dickensian orphan with a chronic illness. It's more an aversion.

David: Nothing's coming up.
Moira: What search words did you use?
David: Uh, your name and "nude." Three words I thought I'd only have to type if I was held at gunpoint.

David: You know, being approachable isn't that important anyway. The Queen hasn't smiled since the 70's, and her birthdays are still very well attended.
Moira: Exactly! Wait. What are you saying?

David: I was thinking what if we did like a soft launch. Um, and you know, just test the store out on a small group of people. Did like an exclusive VIP guest list, and offered, you know, a friends and family discount as incentive.
Patrick: Huh, now it's sounding like you don't think people will show.
David: No, I do. I do think, um, that people will come. It's just, you know, I look to like Gwyneth who soft-launched the goop newsletter and now it's a thriving lifestyle publication slash empire, and...
Patrick: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it's up to you.

David: Patrick, I've never liked a smile as much as I like yours. I've never felt as safe as I do when I'm with you. [crying] I've never known love, like I have when we're together. It's not been an easy road for me. But... knowing that you will always be there for me at the end of it, makes everything okay. Patrick Brewer, you are my happy ending.
Patrick: [chuckles]