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‘Bad Parents’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Schitt's Creek: Bad Parents

104. Bad Parents

Aired January 27, 2015

Johnny and Moira fear they no longer have a close connection with their kids. Meanwhile, Alexis starts her community service and uncovers Mutt's secret, and Stevie helps David to cull his wardrobe.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Okay, my turn, my turn, my turn. Um, okay. My eyes are brown, I am basically sample-sized, and one time I escaped from a Thai drug lord's car trunk by bribing him with sex.
Johnny: Right idea, honey, but you know what? It's gotta be more challenging for everybody-
Moira: Her eyes are aqua.
Johnny: You did what?
Alexis: I'm kidding! I clearly would never bribe anybody with sex.
Johnny: When were you in Thailand?!
Alexis: I told you that I was on spring break. Everyone can just calm down because Aroon was a lovely gentleman until he ran out of money.

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Quote from Twyla

Twyla: Hey. Have we decided?
Moira: Just coffee, please.
Johnny: Uh, Twyla, do you get along with your parents?
Twyla: I did. It's a little different now. My mom has this thing where half the time she thinks I'm her cousin Angela. And it's getting harder and harder to coordinate visitation times with my dad in prison.
Johnny: I'm sorry I asked.
Twyla: Oh, that's okay! I'll get you your coffees.

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: Here's your garbage stick. You use it to pick up garbage. And here-
Alexis: Oh no, I'm fine. Thank you, that's very sweet.
Ronnie: This isn't "Say Yes to the Dress", princess. Orange is the new orange.

Quote from David

David: Why don't I start? Um, I'm miserable, drunk, and hate this game. So here's a hint. Sadly, I'm not drunk.

Quote from David

Stevie: It's just your clothes, they're all kind of funky.
David: Funky?
Stevie: Yeah. Funky.
David: Yeah, no, no, no. I'm just trying to figure out- What about this- What about this is funky? I'm just having a hard time understanding.
Stevie: It's just, you know, like funky. Different.
David: Yeah, funky is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop, next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This- This is luxury.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: You know, I think the reason our kids are so casual with us is because they think of us as their friends.
Moira: Hmm, no.
Johnny: No, it's obvious. It's obvious, Moira, right? Because we're hip parents.
Moira: Oh, John.
Johnny: And that comes at a price.
Moira: John, we're not hip. I'm hipper than you, but in our children's eyes we are the polar antonym of hip.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Alexis, do as your mother says, please.
Alexis: Do you know my middle?
Johnny: If I said, "Anna"-
Alexis: I can't believe this.
Moira: Alexis something rose. We have so many disasters bombarding us right now, my dear, the middle name of an ungrateful child is hardly a priority.

Quote from Alexis

Ronnie: So what'd you do?
Alexis: Um, I drove into the Prada Store on Rodeo Drive. In fairness, it did look a lot like, um, the entrance to a parking garage.
Ronnie: Uh-huh.
Alexis: And I was high at the time.

Quote from Twyla

Johnny: You know, I remember when Alexis was just a chubby-faced little girl racing around the house in that banned babywalker, and now she's spending time in a drug lord's trunk?!
Twyla: Oh, that is my favourite Liam Neeson movie.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Yeah, he turned into a real nutbar. Doesn't drive in cars, he won't use anything plastic. Good luck with birth control, right?

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