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‘Family Dinner’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: Family Dinner

202. Family Dinner

Aired January 12, 2016

Moira and David attempt to cook dinner for the family. Meanwhile, Johnny looks for a place to work, and Alexis tries to clear things up with Ted.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Someone keeps eating my yoghurt. Urgh!
David: What kind of yoghurt?
Alexis: I was saving that for after my run, David!
David: Oh, my God, I guess I was saving it for during your run, then.
Alexis: Argh, you're like a big, dirty raccoon, David!


Quote from Bob

Bob: I got a great spot for a chair right there. Uh, you just have to move these tires. Um, filing those papers'll give you some extra space.
Johnny: Yeah, Bob, I'm not working for you, I'm not filing papers.
Bob: No, I'm just saying, if you need to get a chair in here, you know, you might have to move some things. Maybe, you know, sell some old car parts.
Johnny: Yeah, I didn't come here looking for a job. Okay? I wanted a space to work, and frankly I don't think this is it.
Bob: Okay, well uh, I'm not saying you have to make a decision right now. Just maybe clean it up, and give it a think.
Johnny: How about I give it a think without cleaning it up!
Bob: Suit yourself. As long as it gets cleaned up at some point.

Quote from Bob

Bob: All right, Johnny, uh, I guess just let me know when you've finished cleaning up, and, uh, I'll find something else for you to do.
Johnny: Bob, I don't work for you, I'm just setting up an office.
Bob: No, I know, it's your space. And, uh, just so you know, garage opens at eight, but if you're here a few minutes before that, even better.

Quote from Moira

Moira: You know, when I was a young girl, my sister and I baked bread from scratch, in a kitchen half this size.
David: Do I wanna hear this story?
Moira: I could make a bed, I could fix a wobbly table, or start a car without a key. Then I met your father, and suddenly I had people to do everything for me. And I assumed that I would maintain my proficiencies, should I ever, God forbid, need them. But no, I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless, like you, and your sister.
David: I don't know if I'd call us "helpless."
Moira: No need to make me feel better.

Quote from Ted

Alexis: Um, I was hoping we could talk again.
Ted: Oh, well, I was about to give Hazel a blood test.
Alexis: Well, I think it's probably better if you put Hazel down.
Ted: What?! No, she'll be fine! It's just her blood sugar!
Alexis: No, no, no, no, no! I just mean while we talk, I think it would be... Um, easier.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, Alexis, you're almost forty. If you want some food, prepare yourself some food.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Next step is to fold in the cheese.
David: What does that mean? What does "fold in the cheese" mean?
Moira: You fold it in.
David: I understand that, but how? How do you fold it? Do you fold it in half, like a piece of paper, and drop it in the pot, or, what do you do?
Moira: David, I cannot show you everything.
David: Okay, well, can you show me one thing?!
Moira: You just... Here's what you do: You just fold it in.
David: Okay, I don't know how to fold broken cheese like that!
Moira: Then I don't know how to be any clearer! You take that thing that's in your hand, and you-
David: If you say "fold in" one more time-
Moira: It says, fold it in!

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Hi, Bob, what's, uh, going on?
Bob: Johnny, what are you doing here?
Johnny: Well, I just came by to talk to you about the office space.
Bob: It's funny to hear that, because before you were saying this isn't office space. And, uh, well, I got to thinking, well, if it's not office space, then, what the heck is it?! And then I remembered Gwen's nephew, Eric, here, was looking for studio space. Uh, he draws Chinese cartoons.
Eric: They're Japanese graphic novels. It's called Manga.
Johnny: Oh, well, that sounds like a lucrative career choice.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: So anyway, Bob, I've decided to take this space for my office, so.
Bob: Ooh, now this is a bit awkward, because you gave me the distinct impression that you didn't want it. And now we, uh, have Eric here.
Johnny: Yeah, well, Eric can find a you know, a back room, or a dark basement to doodle in.
Eric: Well, that's okay, Uncle Bob. I don't have any money.
Bob: Neither does Johnny, and he's not even related to me.
Johnny: No, but you said Eric was Gwen's nephew, so technically he's not related to you, either. So no offence, Eric.
Eric: No, that's fair.

Quote from Moira

David: I found something.
Moira: David, that's your cell phone.
David: Um, you might wanna press play on my cell phone. Just press.
Cooking Host: [on video] "Folding" is one of the easiest techniques in the book. It's just a very gentle way of combining two ingredients. See what I'm doing?
Moira: Well, that's simple enough, any fool could do that.
David: Did you do that?
Moira: No.

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