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33Quotes from ‘Baby Sprinkle’

Schitt's Creek: Baby Sprinkle

410. Baby Sprinkle

Aired March 27, 2018

Jocelyn asks David to throw her a baby shower. Meanwhile, Alexis runs into an old friend, and Johnny and Moira attend a singles' event.

Quote from Moira

Ricki: Often times in these situations, I ask a participant to go within, and to reflect why she might be having trouble connecting.
Moira: Connecting is my livelihood. No, it's these discount locks. I've tried every other one. [The single man from earlier waves to Moira] Ooh! You know what, John? You're right, we should go. Jocelyn has that bébé thing. Rene, pleasure as always.

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Quote from David

David: Okay, now this game is called sleepy mommy. Jocelyn's sitting on the couch, she's our sleepy mommy. Now mommy's had a very hard day with baby, and needs a bit of a break. And that's where we come in. We're each gonna take turns popping pills into mommy's mouth. Now unfortunately, these are breath mints, we couldn't afford actual benzo's, but the person that does get the most tranqs into mommy's mouth, will walk away with whatever's left of the soft cheese station.

Quote from David

Patrick: What's goin' on?
David: Well, um, Jocelyn came in here this morning looking like Adam Sandler on a red carpet. Poor thing is planning her own baby shower, so I volunteered to help.

Quote from Patrick

David: She basically forced me into it! This isn't even her first baby!
Patrick: Oh, so it's more of a sprinkle, then.
David: What the hell is a sprinkle?
Patrick: No, it's like a shower, but for your second kid. It's not a full shower, it's like a sprinkle.
David: That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard.

Quote from David

Patrick: Uh, also booze and fish, not ideal for a pregnant woman.
David: Yeah, well, she's one person, and everyone knows you don't plan a whole party around one person.
Patrick: Maybe you do, if the party is for her.
David: Says who? Fine! Worst case scenario, she grazes at the soft cheese station.
Patrick: Are you sure that she can eat that?
David: This is why I hate babies!

Quote from Moira

Moira: David, why does this game feel vaguely familiar?
David: You invented it. We played it a lot growing up.
Moira: I can't remember playing.
David: That's because we got very good at it. I remember Alexis got on in from across the room once.

Quote from David

David: Hi, Jocelyn. Is everything okay?
Jocelyn: Yeah. Why?
David: Um, I love your pajama set.
Jocelyn: Thank you. It's been a hectic morning, David, I'm not gonna lie.
David: Well, I lit a patchouli candle, so hopefully it'll calm your chi.

Quote from Jocelyn

Jocelyn: It's times like this I wish I had your eye for decorating and party planning. Roland's been trying to help me, offered off his movie posters, you know, but I just don't think that "The Pelican Brief" is festive enough for a baby shower.
David: Well, I'd have to agree.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Okay, so I was thinking as incentive for our singles, we could do like, a lonely heart's special. So 50% discount for those singles dining alone.
Twyla: Okay, um, but wouldn't it make more sense to offer a discount for people not dining alone?
Alexis: But it's Singles Week though, is the thing.
Twyla: Right. Um, but if the point of Singles Week is to get matched up, then why not offer a discount for singles who eat together?
Alexis: Okay, I have a better idea. A 2-for-1 discount for 2 singles eating together.
Twyla: That's it, that's the winner.

Quote from Patrick

David: Yeah, I thought it could be a good opportunity to promote the store. So, Heather's supplying some of her cheeses, not at cost, but she's giving us a deal, and I thought we could bring some wine from the store, and Colleen's express-shipping a branzino, so.
Patrick: Sounding a bit expensive, David.
David: Well, we haven't talked budget yet, but I'm assuming that Jocelyn's wanting to spend some money on her baby shower.
Patrick: I'm assuming that Jocelyn's planning on spending no money on her baby shower.
David: What do you mean?
Patrick: Well, typically the person who throws the shower pays for the shower.

Quote from Moira

Single #1: It's funny, because before my dear Gloria passed, she told me her dying wish was for me to move on.
Moira: Ah, did she?
Single #1: I know you're gonna find this hard to believe, but she predicted that I would meet a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair, and red lipstick.
Moira: Telepathic, was she? And tremendously specific! If I may leave you with a bit of advice, I would wait until much later in the relationship before mentioning any of the things you just mentioned to me.
Single #1: Okay? Uh, wait, you haven't even tried your key.
Moira: Uh, it won't fit.

Quote from David

Jocelyn: Welcome, boys! I can't thank you enough for jumping in like this!
Patrick: Oh, it's our pleasure.
David: Okay, um, so what's going on here?
Jocelyn: I thought I would what I could to get a jumpstart on the decorations.
David: Here's the thing, Jocelyn, when you asked me to throw this event, you were essentially handing over creative control. Considering our name is gonna be all over this, I think it's important to streamline the aesthetic direction we're taking for tonight.
Jocelyn: Okay, well I guess I could move some of the balloons?
David: That could be good. Yeah, we could move those. Maybe to the garbage? We're also gonna need to drop-cloth the interiors.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Okay, guys! Where do you want me to hang the pinata?
Patrick: I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a baby?
Roland: Yeah, it's pretty realistic, isn't it? I got it at the dollar store in Elmdale. I didn't even have to pay for it, honey. They just gave it to me.
David: Yeah, don't think we can smash a baby with a stick tonight, but-
Roland: It's not a real baby, Dave.
David: The fact that you got it from the dollar store does make me wary of what's gonna fall out of it, though?

Quote from Roland

Jocelyn: Don't worry, Rolly, we're still gonna play the diaper game.
Roland: Ah, good!
David: Hi! What's the diaper game?
Jocelyn: Oh my gosh, it is so fun! We played it at Mutt's baby shower!
Roland: Basically, you melt different chocolate bars into different diapers, and then people take turns guessing...
David: Gonna stop you right there. I will literally do anything for us to not play that game.

Quote from Roland

Jocelyn: Well, I'm getting nervous, because we're gonna need some sort of entertainment, David.
David: Well then, I will come up with some games that don't involve sniffing a diaper.
Roland: You don't just sniff it.
Jocelyn: No. You don't.
David: Oh my god.

Quote from Roland

David: Okay, is this vase movable?
Roland: Uh, no, that there is grandpa's ashes, and no, you cannot move it, it's bolted down. There's been a lot of urn thefts lately. I'll tell ya what, I will get my ratchet, and see what I can do for ya, okay?

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Boy, these have a bit more weight to them than the usual pills.
Roland: Well, you know, Johnny, that weight might actually work in your favour if you take into consideration the humidity in here.
Johnny: Wow, well, thank you, Roland.


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