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‘The Crowening’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Schitt's Creek: The Crowening

501. The Crowening

Aired January 8, 2019

Johnny doesn't know what to do with himself while Moira is filming in Bosnia. Meanwhile, Alexis causes David to worry about the vibrancy of his relationship with Patrick.

Quote from David

Patrick: I have to say, David, I'm a little shocked that you agreed to do this. I know how fearful you are of heights.
David: Hmm. Well, "fearful" makes me sound like some Dickensian orphan with a chronic illness. It's more an aversion.

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Quote from Moira

Moira: Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster.
Blair: I would hardly call this an opportunity!
Moira: I-I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.
Blair: Okay, what's your point?
Moira: We were number one. Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit.
Blair: Yeah, I really wouldn't know where to start with this one.
Moira: Hmm. Well, here are my revisions. If you care to discuss them, I'll be running lines in the nest.

Quote from Twyla

Twyla: Just so you're aware, Mr. Rose, the special is cream of mushroom soup. We don't actually have to-go containers for that, so I've just double-bagged it. Would you like a spoon or a straw?

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: David, you look so cute under there! Like a tiny toadstool man, or a little acorn person, or something.

Quote from Ted

Patrick: You can do this, David! Just one step at a time!
Ted: You're looking pretty shaky there, David. I really hope we didn't "rope" you into something here.

Quote from Moira

Blair: There's a problem with the script?
Moira: Well, just a few character adjustments.
Blair: [laughs] I'm kidding. The script's a total dumpster fire, of course.
Moira: Hah! If the script were garbage, I don't believe we'd have signed on.
Blair: It's an apocalyptic fantasy about mutant crows. I think we all know what we're making here.
Moira: A timely allegory about prejudice.

Quote from Moira

Blair: My last picture was a $50 million dollar studio project. I think it's safe to say that this is not that.
Moira: And what exactly is this to you, then?
Blair: A trip to Bora Bora.
Moira: I see. Bora Bora. Caroline Kennedy once called it the Atlantic City of French Polynesia.

Quote from Moira

Blair: Okay, I told the producers I would approve background on set.
Moira: Oh! And I shall tell them the same. You must be Blair. No last name. Doctor Clara Beatrice Mandrake at your service. Middle name wasn't scripted, but I've done my homework.
Blair: Okay. So, you're Rose, then?
Moira: Moira Rose. And I see what's happening here. Break me down just to build me up again! Like Stan Kubrick did to Shelley.

Quote from Moira

Moira: [on the phone] Oh, John, I'm afraid I've made a grave error in judgment.
Johnny: Oh, sweetheart, I told you not to drink the tap water.
Moira: If only! At this moment an intestinal bacteria would wreak less havoc on my career!
Johnny: Well, I don't understand.
Moira: Everything was fine two hours ago. John, you know me, I'm never one to complain. I didn't bat an eye when I found out my accommodation here was in actuality a small "Bed or Breakfast." They feed me at work, I'll take the bed.
Johnny: [on the phone] So then what's the problem?
Moira: Our director appears to be on a kamikaze mission to sink this ship, and I refuse to be the goddess on its prow!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: [on the phone] Well, if you're not enjoying yourself anymore sweetheart, then coming home is always an option. I mean, you must be missing your family.
Moira: Oh, thank you, John, but that's not it. This was supposed to be my comeback vehicle, and opportunities like this come along ever so infrequently.
Johnny: Well, Moira, I feel the answer is right in front of you. This isn't some rinky-dink made-for-TV movie, or a voice gig for an X-rated Japanese video game.
Moira: That- That was rated "M" for "Mature," John.
Johnny: All I'm saying is you have an opportunity here. And if you want it bad enough, you've gotta fight for it.
Moira: You're right. You're right! If Sandy Bullock hadn't fought to keep the Speed Franchise alive, we never would've had "Cruise Control". John, thank you. I would be lost without you. [kiss sound, call beeps off]
Johnny: Me too.

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