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The Hospies

‘The Hospies’

Season 5, Episode 8 -  Aired February 26, 2019

Johnny and Stevie attend a regional hospitality awards show. Meanwhile, Moira and Jocelyn search for their Cabaret leading actress, and Patrick tries to push Ronnie along with the renovation of the store's bathroom.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a cute, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Alexis: La-la-la.
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.


Quote from Moira

Moira: Well, hello, you!
Stevie: Mrs. Rose, what are you doing here?
Moira: I thought you and I might celebrate your big award!
Stevie: Come in. Oh, thank you.
Moira: And I was made aware there was a loss, as well.
Stevie: Yeah. Turns out, someone who's been working the front desk of a motel her whole life isn't exactly a turn-on.
Moira: I was speaking of his loss. Stevie, underneath the brambly tartan blousant is a chrysalis, just bursting with potential.

Quote from Alexis

Jocelyn: Well, I'm sure that Alexis has a song that she could sing for the audition.
Alexis: Audition? Okay, do I have to remind you about the album that I released?
Jocelyn: Moira, what's the worst that can happen?
Moira: Besides the inevitable accusations of nepotism!
Johnny: Well, for what it's worth, Alexis, I always thought "Hampton's Hoes" was quite catchy.
Alexis: Boop!

Quote from Moira

Moira: So what do we think?
Jocelyn: Well, there is a place for her somewhere.
Moira: On stage?!
Jocelyn: No! Moira, I saw your talent, and I thought, well, the apple can't fall far from the tree.
Moira: Different orchard, Jocelyn. Though I do admire the confidence.
Jocelyn: What are we gonna do now?
Moira: "We?" We are at the precise intersection of which I tried to steer us clear. No, Babs Streisand's vocal coach quit the business after just two lessons with our sweet Alexis. He now lives in a monastery.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: I'll step in as the star of your musical.
Moira: No! No, with your responsibilities as our in-house publicist, I couldn't ask you to do that now.
Alexis: Okay, well, you seem pretty desperate, so I'm happy to help.
Johnny: Well, Moira, I'd consider it. I mean, we did spend all that money flying in Barbra Streisand's vocal coach that summer Alexis wanted to be the next Jessica Simpson.
Moira: Alexis, a brief stint on a reality show, that's one thing, but acting? That's..?
Alexis: Um, the producers of "A Little Bit Alexis" insisted that I take acting classes after we started shooting, so...

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Okay, you're actively trying to prevent Alexis from auditioning here, and I don't want to get in the middle of some mother daughter competition thing...
Moira: Competition! Nothing of the sort. No, Alexis just doesn't have the life experience.
Jocelyn: Really? Because according to her stories...
Moira: Well, she's had her fair share of adventures, yes. But the role of Sally Bowles requires an actress who can mine a deeper, darker cave. A woman encumbered with secrets she will take with her to the tomb. Hence the high praise Gina Gershon and I received for the role.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Hi, my name is Alexis Rose, represented by Alexis Rose Talent.
Jocelyn: Okay, what are you gonna be singing for us today, Alexis?
Alexis: I have chosen to perform the title track off of my critically reviewed, limited reality series, "A Little Bit Alexis."
Jocelyn: Ooh!
Alexis: Feel free to sing along if you know the words.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Hello, guys, uh whoa! Look at us! Who are we? Brad Pitt and his handsome brother? And Johnny?
Johnny: Why the jacket, Roland? You know you're not going to the awards.
Roland: Johnny, you asked me to manage the motel while you were away. I'm not gonna show up just dressed like some schlub off the street!
Stevie: Like you do every day?
Roland: Wow, okay. This one puts on a dress and suddenly she's Rita Rudner. Guys, I am really gonna miss this workplace banter.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Oh, Stevie. You look very nice.
Stevie: No, I don't.
Johnny: Uh, yes, you do! Very spiffy! That's a lovely dress.
Stevie: I literally pulled it out of the laundry, Mr. Rose. I've had it forever.
Johnny: You know it's not a bad thing to admit you really care about these awards, Stevie. You're bringing a bag? You know, I almost brought a change of clothes myself. Moira told me to pack a second suit for the after-party, but uh, who am I, George Clooney?

Quote from Jocelyn

Jocelyn: Hey. You're home. I was just gonna leave you that little note and a box of chocolates.
Alexis: I got the part, didn't I? Come in, come in! Ohhh Yay! Nom nom!
Jocelyn: I now see that there are different ways to interpret chocolates. Alexis, I just wanted to say...
Moira: Am I hearing Jocelyn?
Alexis: Yeah, she's come to tell me the good news!
Moira: Oh, did she? Chocolates? Are we celebrating, Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: The chocolates were a mistake.

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