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‘Rock On!’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Schitt's Creek: Rock On!

506. Rock On!

Aired February 12, 2019

After the Poison concert Jocelyn and the Jazzagirls were going to attend is cancelled, Moira encourages them to spend the evening at the casino. Meanwhile, a customer gives Patrick his phone number, and Johnny interrupts Stevie taking an intimate photograph.

Quote from David

David: Look at you, just drowning in other people's phone numbers.
Alexis: Who was that hunk with the teeny-weeny little polo?
Patrick: His name is Ken.
David: Ken! Just when I thought it was impossible to find a thirty-something named Ken!

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Quote from Alexis

David: If you must know, I sent Patrick off to have dinner with that guy who gave him his number today.
Alexis: That hot piece from the store? Why would you do that?
David: Because I think it's funny, and I also think it's important for Patrick to experience other people in order to realize how good he has it with me.
Alexis: What if he doesn't come to that realization? Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I'd send them off with someone who like, wasn't a threat. Like, Pippa Middleton, or Rihanna.

Quote from Moira

Moira: This is just sad. Why can't we still go to the casino? If I'm holding the truth stick, I was never planning to attend the concert anyway.
Ronnie: I never pegged you for a gambling kind of gal, Moira.
Moira: Oh, I'm not above a naughty night of debauchery. When Condi Rice and Sharon Stone and I used to make our annual casino sojourn to Ho Chi Minh City, well, let's just say, tôi không bao giờ thua.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Moira, it's like, on the inside I feel like I'm 19-years-old, and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and realize that I'm so not.
Moira: Oh, Jocelyn, you'll soon learn that we aging mortals are blessed with weakening eyes and memories so we don't have to really see ourselves. If you love the number 19, you go be 19. And while you're at it, bet on it.
Jocelyn: I can't take all of these!
Moira: It only looks like a lot. Do as you will. Jocelyn, but whatever you do, rock onwards and upwards!

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: So what are the GRs?
David: The what?
Alexis: The ground rules. What ground rules did you lay down before you sent him off with that hottie-boom-bottie?
David: Okay, I haven't sent him off with ground rules, because this is a one-night thing.
Alexis: Did you say that?
David: No.
Alexis: So at this point he could like, spend the night, double-dip, kiss on the lips!
David: I don't know!
Alexis: Okay, this is why you have ground rules, David! Josh Groban has a thick, leather-bound binder full of them.

Quote from Moira

Moira: I've come prepared with casino must-haves: oxygen drops, antibacterial wipes, and military-grade caffeine pills. The pills came from Condi, so if anyone asks, you found them on the floor.

Quote from Johnny

Roland: Oh Johnny, I wish you had told us it was uh, movie day. Stevie and I could've come up with some good recommendations for you. What are we gonna watch, a silent movie from your childhood?
Johnny: It's not movie day, Roland. We're watching an instructional video on professional workplace etiquette, and it's clear from the stain on your top that things have gotten just a little lax around here.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: I made this at Rose Video a while back, but, uh, I think you'll find it holds up pretty well.
Male Narrator: Employee Health and Safety Series.
Moira: [on video] Where is it? Let's see.
Roland: Oh wow, this looks like the videos Joce and I used to make.
Johnny: Just focus on the content, Roland.

Quote from Moira

Twyla: Jocelyn's been looking forward to it for weeks. This is her one night out.
Moira: Not to worry. If she's anything like I was with a little moppet in the house, she'll find any ruse to escape for an evening. The Poison concert was merely a device.

Quote from David

David: This is fun! It's the great thing about owning a store, really, is getting to flirt with the customers. You know, just last week, a woman came in and gave me her number.
Patrick: Do you mean the woman who wanted to know when the soap would be back in stock? Who came in here with her husband and kids?
David: Hasn't stopped me before. But thank you for reminding me, I have to call her, the soap did come back in.

Quote from David

David: Skin-tight clothes aside, do you find Ken attractive?
Patrick: I mean, sure.
David: Then I think you should call him!
Patrick: David!
David: Consider it a selfish act on my part. You have only been with me.
Patrick: And Rachel, and like, a handful of other girls.
David: Okay, we've all been with a handful of other girls. But I'm the only guy.

Quote from Roland

Roland: [looking at a notification on Stevie's phone] Whoa!
Johnny: Aah! Stevie, your friend just responded!
Stevie: Oh, my God, gimme that! Oh my- Uh, I'll be taking the rest of the day off.
Roland: Okay. Yeah, I'd say her friend responded. [guffaws]

Quote from Moira

Moira: Are we up yet?
Jocelyn: It's either black or red, even or odd. And you never know where you're gonna land.
Moira: I'm sorry, Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: If you'dve told me 20-years-ago I'd be standing here with an empty chip bucket, stoned out of my mind at a Doodlebops concert, I would've lit a menthol, and had a laugh.
Moira: You went to that show?
Jocelyn: I stepped in briefly, Roland Jr.'s a huge fan of "Wobbly Whoopsy." Moira, you may not believe this, but I used to rock out.
Moira: Well, of course you did, as did anyone with brain cells to kill. I'm thinking of a particular night in Monaco with Maggie Trudeau and the Rolling Stones.
Jocelyn: You rocked with the Stones?
Moira: All except Charlie, but every party has a pooper.

Quote from David

Patrick: David, I love you, and I really appreciate what you were trying to do for me, but I feel no need to meet up with other guys right now.
David: Okay, I mean if that's what you want, then I guess I'm... I'm fine with it, I mean, I'm easy either way. [David and Patrick kiss]
Patrick: Oh. Also, this is gonna sound totally petty, but something about his shoes just made me feel really weird, 'cause they were like, long and pointy, but then...
David: Squared off at the toe.
Patrick: Yes!
David: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I know, it's okay. It's okay.
Patrick: Okay, this is a really long hug now.
David: Just need one more minute, mmm-hmm.

Quote from Alexis

David: This is not how I wanted to spend my night.
Alexis: Me neither. And David, I know what you're thinking, they're probably back at his house, listening to Frank Ocean, laughing, and re-hydrating.
David: Yeah, the more I think about this, the more I realize it was way too early to have introduced this into the relationship. I mean, I thought I was being mature, but in actuality, it was just a classic case of self-sabotage.
Alexis: Chill, David. Hey! [thumps table] Yes, those are all valid points, but this is a moment of growth for you. Was it flawlessly executed? No. Would I have done it? Hell no.
David: Okay, if this is intended to be helpful, you can leave now.
Alexis: But what I was gonna say is, if a cute guy that walks into your store is enough to unravel your whole relationship, you're better off knowing that now, than in a year from now.

Quote from Johnny

Moira: [on video] "Q, R, S," ah! There it is.
Emilio: Here, let me help you with that.
Moira: Excuse me, Emilio! Pause. That kind of physical touch is inapprop-ri-rate. Let's rewind, and try again.
Roland: And now they're gonna come and do it again! [laughing; rewinding sounds]
Moira: Where is it? Let's see. "Q, R, S," oh! There it is.
Emilio: Here, let me help you with that. Is this what you were looking for?
Moira: A double-cassette of the "Best Body Swaps of Sunrise Bay: Season 21"? Yes, thank you. I've been asked to retrieve it for a customer with wonderful taste.
Emilio: I value you as a fellow employee. Perhaps you'd like to meet outside of work for a dinner at my place?
Moira: Fast forward!

Quote from Moira

Ronnie: No, I'm not gonna be the one to tell her.
Moira: Tell me what?
Ronnie: No, it's not about you, Moira.
Moira: Well, is it about Twyla needing to pick up the pace on that solo?
Twyla: What?

Quote from Jocelyn

Jocelyn: Uh oh, ladies! Somebody better call Poison Control, because tonight's gonna be... [singing] Nothin' but a good time!
Ronnie: Yeah, I'm not gonna be the one to... Oh, okay. Jocelyn, you might want to take a seat.
Jocelyn: Oh no, there's no time for that. No, no, we have to rehearse our Poison medley. Because when Rikki Rockett makes direct eye contact with you during "Talk Dirty to Me", you are gonna want to talk dirty back!

Quote from Twyla

Jocelyn: Well, what are we supposed to do now?! I didn't pump for four hours straight to get on a chartered bus to go to the end of the street and back!
Twyla: We could go to the cafe.
Jocelyn: Oh! Well, do they have a smoke machine at the cafe?!
Twyla: No, but I can ask George to burn something on the grill.

Quote from Ronnie

Ronnie: Okay, but it's been a really long time since I've spun that roulette wheel.
Twyla: And this is the only casino I haven't been banned from as an unaccompanied minor.
Jocelyn: Well, do we still have a reservation at Bucky's Fried Chicken House?
Ronnie: Yes, but I wouldn't let that stop us!

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