All the stories from Moira Rose's long-running stint as Dr. Vivian Blake on the daytime soap-opera Sunrise Bay.
Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.
Moira: Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster.
Blair: I would hardly call this an opportunity!
Moira: I-I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.
Blair: Okay, what's your point?
Moira: We were number one. Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit.
Blair: Yeah, I really wouldn't know where to start with this one.
Moira: Hmm. Well, here are my revisions. If you care to discuss them, I'll be running lines in the nest.
Alexis: Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. It's 30 seconds each, tickets in hand, or it's back of the line, and no, she will not be clarifying any Sunrise Bay plot points.
Moira: Ahem. Feet.
Alexis: Oh, yes. And if we're talking feet, it's $75 for one, $150 for the pair.
Roland: Moira, what are you doing? You undermined my authority.
Moira: We were losing our audience. You saw the walkouts. And on opening night!
Ronnie: This isn't a theatre.
Moira: Isn't it?
Roland: Look, you can't go making blind promises to these people! This isn't Sunrise Bay, where everybody lives in a perfect dream world!
Moira: I'll have you know, Sunrise Bay was a coastal community plagued by a centuries-old curse!
Stevie: I've been reading what people have been saying about you. They're gonna be really happy you're still around.
Moira: Yeah, I don't think loyalty was ever in question.
Stevie: Then why not come forward and be honest about where you are?
Moira: Stevie, I don't-
Stevie: Okay, that reporter's not gonna be out there forever. This is your chance to tell your own story, in your own words.
Moira: Like we did during the writer's strike.
Clifton Sparks: Hey. Remember how you entered that time machine you discovered in the hospital's broom closet? Season Three? What if we bring you back that way?
Moira: [chuckles] It's not easy to disremember my final demise. It was even more vicious than Vivian's getting trampled while honeymooning in Pamplona.
Moira: Alexis! Do I have news...
Alexis: Okay, thank God you're here because I have so many questions. Like, why did they kill off your character after you had just given birth to your ninth child and escaped from the cave with the secret about your lover...
Moira: Who was a ghost, yes.
Alexis: And then they killed off in like the most humiliating way.
Moira: I'm not sure I call it humiliating.
Alexis: You vomited a demon into a toilet, and then fell in and drowned.
Moira: Well, the writers insisted it was symbolic.
Johnny: What do you say about guy you couldn't care less about?
Moira: Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's funeral all over again.
Johnny: Who's Gord what's-his-name?
Moira: Exactly. He was some kind of crew-person on Sunrise Bay. I made an obligatory appearance at the service and his hysterical girlfriend cornered me into saying a few words. I didn't have a thought in my head, so I just stood up and sang "Danny Boy." Not a dry eye in the house.
Moira: Oh, Alexis, has our quarantine been lifted?
Alexis: Yeah, I was scared I was gonna get bed sores, so I'm going for a run. Also, I needed to, like, cleanse my brain a bit. 'Cause eight hours of watching Sunrise Bay made me feel a little not-right in the head.
Moira: It had that effect. The New England Journal of Medicine did a fascinating study on it.
Moira: No, Alexis I came here to tell you something... I've been asked to resuscitate Vivian so that she may live again in a prime-time reboot.
Alexis: Is Clifton involved?
Moira: Alexis, he drove all this way just to personally beg me to acquiesce.
Alexis: Hm. Of course he did. You're the only person in the show making headlines right now.
Moira: That's not true. Adriana had that DUI last year. Popped a breast, poor dear.