All the stories from Moira Rose's long-running stint as Dr. Vivian Blake on the daytime soap-opera Sunrise Bay.
Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.
Moira: Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster.
Blair: I would hardly call this an opportunity!
Moira: I-I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.
Blair: Okay, what's your point?
Moira: We were number one. Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit.
Blair: Yeah, I really wouldn't know where to start with this one.
Moira: Hmm. Well, here are my revisions. If you care to discuss them, I'll be running lines in the nest.
Roland: Moira, what are you doing? You undermined my authority.
Moira: We were losing our audience. You saw the walkouts. And on opening night!
Ronnie: This isn't a theatre.
Moira: Isn't it?
Roland: Look, you can't go making blind promises to these people! This isn't Sunrise Bay, where everybody lives in a perfect dream world!
Moira: I'll have you know, Sunrise Bay was a coastal community plagued by a centuries-old curse!
Alexis: Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. It's 30 seconds each, tickets in hand, or it's back of the line, and no, she will not be clarifying any Sunrise Bay plot points.
Moira: Ahem. Feet.
Alexis: Oh, yes. And if we're talking feet, it's $75 for one, $150 for the pair.
Stevie: I've been reading what people have been saying about you. They're gonna be really happy you're still around.
Moira: Yeah, I don't think loyalty was ever in question.
Stevie: Then why not come forward and be honest about where you are?
Moira: Stevie, I don't-
Stevie: Okay, that reporter's not gonna be out there forever. This is your chance to tell your own story, in your own words.
Moira: Like we did during the writer's strike.
Johnny: What do you say about guy you couldn't care less about?
Moira: Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's funeral all over again.
Johnny: Who's Gord what's-his-name?
Moira: Exactly. He was some kind of crew-person on Sunrise Bay. I made an obligatory appearance at the service and his hysterical girlfriend cornered me into saying a few words. I didn't have a thought in my head, so I just stood up and sang "Danny Boy." Not a dry eye in the house.
Moira: Alexis! Do I have news...
Alexis: Okay, thank God you're here because I have so many questions. Like, why did they kill off your character after you had just given birth to your ninth child and escaped from the cave with the secret about your lover...
Moira: Who was a ghost, yes.
Alexis: And then they killed off in like the most humiliating way.
Moira: I'm not sure I call it humiliating.
Alexis: You vomited a demon into a toilet, and then fell in and drowned.
Moira: Well, the writers insisted it was symbolic.
Clifton Sparks: Hey. Remember how you entered that time machine you discovered in the hospital's broom closet? Season Three? What if we bring you back that way?
Moira: [chuckles] It's not easy to disremember my final demise. It was even more vicious than Vivian's getting trampled while honeymooning in Pamplona.
Moira: Oh, Alexis, has our quarantine been lifted?
Alexis: Yeah, I was scared I was gonna get bed sores, so I'm going for a run. Also, I needed to, like, cleanse my brain a bit. 'Cause eight hours of watching Sunrise Bay made me feel a little not-right in the head.
Moira: It had that effect. The New England Journal of Medicine did a fascinating study on it.
Moira: Oh dear.
Stevie: Yeah, all those online perverts should be put in a paddle boat, and sent out to sea.
Moira: No, that's not me.
Stevie: That's your face.
Moira: Yes, it's my character from Sunrise Bay, but it's been put on the body of what I can only assume is an Indonesian lady boy.
Stevie: Ohhh! I thought maybe you just had a tan.
[on an old Sunrise Bay:]
Clifton Sparks: Take the pills, Vivian.
Moira: A "please" might be nice!
Clifton Sparks: You really think you'd be head of surgery at Sunrise General if you weren't possessed by your father? Who also happened to be the former head of surgery at Sunrise General?
Moira: Oh, enjoying the box set, are we?
Alexis: This season is weird. You're great in it, but I forgot how bad Clifton Sparks was.
Moira: Oh, it's Uncle Sparky to you, Dear.
Alexis: Also, I'm so confused. Why is Vivian the only one who gets possessed when Trystan also played the Ouija game?
Moira: Oh, suddenly she's the director.
Moira: No, Alexis I came here to tell you something... I've been asked to resuscitate Vivian so that she may live again in a prime-time reboot.
Alexis: Is Clifton involved?
Moira: Alexis, he drove all this way just to personally beg me to acquiesce.
Alexis: Hm. Of course he did. You're the only person in the show making headlines right now.
Moira: That's not true. Adriana had that DUI last year. Popped a breast, poor dear.
Tippy Bernstein: Oh, would you look at this. I'm getting texts from Nicole's office. Serves me right for sharing EP credit. These people...
Moira: I'm guessing Clifton was also responsible for my name being repeatedly left off the Daytime Emmy ballot?
Tippy Bernstein: No, we submitted you every year. And-and that season that you played your own brother we submitted you for Best Actress and Actor.
Clifton Sparks: You did what?
David: Okay, how is it that your daughter is also trapped in the cave but has never looked up once. You've been hanging over her for three straight episodes.
Moira: Oh, you know, children, this is where the season picks up. When the cave starts talking back to me. Voiced by the wonderful Peter Falk.
Alexis: I was gonna go for a run.
Moira: Shh. She's about to look up.
Moira: [quietly] John.
Roland: Oh, there it is! There it is! The Vivian Blake bitch face!
Moira: Excuse me?
Roland: I didn't want to say anything, but you were my favourite character on Sunrise Bay.
Jocelyn: It's true. He lived for Sunrise Bay. I could be doing cartwheels in a thong in front of that television, which I have done, but if your show was on, I was as good as wall paper.
Johnny: Moira, you wrote those letters!
Moira: Don't be absurd, that is not my writing!
Johnny: It was that week on Sunrise Bay when Vivian Blake had her accident. You were in a body cast, they wouldn't let you take it off. You were writing with your left hand!
Moira: The spelunking incident.
Johnny: No. It was after she got thrown upwards through a skylight.
Car Salesman: Thank you very much for waiting. This is Sarah, this is my wife, and business partner.
Johnny: Oh, hi, is everything okay?
Sarah: Well, I hope you can forgive me, but I couldn't help overhear your story.
Moira: [in a mock Cockney accent] Oh, yes, love, it's an inspiration to many, I'm sure.
Sarah: And it sounded so familiar. But then I remembered Sunrise Bay.
Car Salesman: My wife was addicted to your show!
Moira: Well, I've heard it's wonderful, but we don't have a television, so...
Sarah: I remember when your twin showed up, and stabbed Armand with her sharpened crutch.
Moira: Oh, I wanna see this.
[on an old Sunrise Bay:]
Clifton Sparks: You can and you know it!
Moira: How dare you make me kill my father twice! [repeated slaps] You'll pay for this one day.
Moira: Have you forgotten that Vivian was killed off?
Clifton Sparks: When has that ever stop us?
Moira: But that last time I was shredded.
Clifton Sparks: That's why we have writers. Let them do their magic.
Alexis: Okay. You watch this video and tell me who you think he's referring to then. Come.
[old red carpet video:]
Reporter: There has been some serious Sunrise intrigue around the sudden departure of Vivian Blake. Can you tell us what happened?
Clifton Sparks: [slurring] She had a good run. But let's just say "someone" reminded the producers that there's only room for one head of surgery at Sunrise General. And I think all you housewives at home know who that should be.
Alexis: See, he's basically admitting to having you written off the show.
Moira: He's drunk there.
Moira: I can't. Can't.
Johnny: You can! Moira, remember Sunrise Bay? You were drunk most of season three. And half of season four. End of season five.
Moira: I'll have to take your word for it.
Moira: [on video] "Q, R, S," ah! There it is.
Emilio: Here, let me help you with that.
Moira: Excuse me, Emilio! Pause. That kind of physical touch is inapprop-ri-rate. Let's rewind, and try again.
Roland: And now they're gonna come and do it again! [laughing; rewinding sounds]
Moira: Where is it? Let's see. "Q, R, S," oh! There it is.
Emilio: Here, let me help you with that. Is this what you were looking for?
Moira: A double-cassette of the "Best Body Swaps of Sunrise Bay: Season 21"? Yes, thank you. I've been asked to retrieve it for a customer with wonderful taste.
Emilio: I value you as a fellow employee. Perhaps you'd like to meet outside of work for a dinner at my place?
Moira: Fast forward!