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37Quotes from ‘A Whisper of Desire’

Schitt's Creek: A Whisper of Desire

507. A Whisper of Desire

Aired February 19, 2019

Johnny thinks Ted's mother, Cheryl, is hitting on him. Meanwhile, Moira joins Jocelyn as she auditions actors for a production of Cabaret, and David looks after Roland Jr.

Quote from Moira

Moira: And who, may I ask, is bold enough to scale this cultural monolith?
Patrick: Jocelyn's actually directing for the community theatre, so.
David: Jocelyn? That's very ambitious of Jocelyn.
Patrick: Yeah well, I just thought it could be a fun thing to do.
Moira: Yes, the exact sentiment expressed by the passengers as they stepped aboard the Titanic.
David: Okay, well, that's really encouraging.
Moira: What?! They were having a rip-roaring bash before that bloody iceberg.

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Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Moira since you have the strong personal connection to "Cabaret", do you think that you could help me?
Moira: No, this is your bébé, Jocelyn, and an artistic cradle robber, I am not.
Jocelyn: Okay, it's just that I have this actual baby at home, plus a whole lot of term papers to grade.
Moira: I wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes. But if you would indulge me a promenade along memory lane, I'd love to sit in on the auditions.
Jocelyn: Okay, if that's as much as you're willing to contribute. All righty.
Moira: It's settled, then. Consider me a silent monarch on the wall.

Quote from Roland

David: Roland. You brought a baby into the store.
Roland: Shhh. Yeah. And I don't know why I haven't brought him in sooner, this place is perfect.
David: Thank you so much.
Roland: Yeah, they say that babies fall asleep quickest when they're surrounded by an eerie, almost crypt-like silence.
David: What can I do to shorten your stay in my store, Roland?
Roland: Oh, uh, Joce wanted me to pick up uh, some of this. This organic applesauce. Organic. Listen to me! Who am I? Gwyneth Paltrow?

Quote from Alexis

Cheryl: And there he was, naked as the day he was born, just wailing! It had rained, and his cotton candy was melting all down his hand!
Ted: Yeah, that was fun, but uh, maybe we can start telling some stories about someone else who was naked and crying?
Alexis: Okay, fine, but I think everyone here has already heard about my Vin Diesel adventure.

Quote from Moira

Moira: The year was 1979.
David: '79.
Moira: I was but 17.
David: She was not 17.
Moira: Hostessing at a charming gas station deli, when the great director, Rocky Nickels, came in for a Reuben. That's a sandwich. Little did he know, he would end up biting into something far more suffonsifying.
David: Far more suffonsifying.
Moira: A ripe young actress who he'd soon cast in the leading role of Sally Bowles.
David: Sally Bowles, yes.
Moira: In the production of [in unison] "Cabaret". Yes! Ask me how many ovations I got on closing night.
David: Six.
Moira: David, you know the answer!
Patrick: That's a lot of ovations.
Moira: Mmm-hmm, three by demand, and three on the house.

Quote from Moira

Patrick: Hi, Mrs. Rose.
Moira: Hello, Patrick. Care to ensconce yourself?
Patrick: Oh, I wish I could. Um, David? You told me you were just running across the street for a cup of coffee.
David: But then I got hungry. I hadn't eaten since last night.
Patrick: It's just that I have to get ready for my audition, and somebody has to be at the store, so.
Moira: You're being audited? Those bastards!

Quote from Roland

David: Everything okay?
Roland: Well, Gwen was trimming that big oak tree behind her place, and she took out a power line, and now there are live wires flailing every which way but loose. [laughs] So I guess, uh, Rollie Jr. and I should head over there. Hey, this applesauce, it's not gonna go bad in the sun, is it?
David: I'd be more concerned about the baby, but what do I know?

Quote from David

Roland: You know what I'll do? I'll leave 'em both here.
David: No! No, absolutely not! I have a meeting in half an hour with a potential big money client, and a rogue baby in my store does not present as polished, or professional.
Roland: He'll be fine. If he gets cranky, give him some applesauce.
David: Those are $10 a jar!
Roland: Okay. [exits]
David: Dammit! [Roland Jr. cries] No, I will not accept that.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Well, Stevie uh can you run some towels down to room four?
Stevie: Why do I need to do it?
Alexis: Okay, what's the big deal? Just walk them over, and drop them off.
Johnny: Well, Alexis, if you must know, when I was checking Cheryl in this morning, I-I got a bit of a vibe.
Stevie: Ew, what kind of vibe?
Johnny: I think I might've gotten a whisper of desire.
Alexis: "Whisper of des-" Oh, my God! Please never use that phrase like, ever again.

Quote from David

David: Oh my goodness! We are so excited at the prospect of working with "Premium Parties".
Tina: Oh, that's very sweet.
David: Yeah, so as you know, we can source basically anything you need when it comes to party essentials. Gift bags, catering, Shaman-blessed crystals, artisanal Reiki gloves.

Quote from David

Tina: Oh, I didn't know that you had a little guy!
David: Yeah, his dad is just out right now, but he should be back any time. Oh yeah, they say that, and next thing you know, it's been an hour, am I right?
David: Yes. Yeah. They say it's an emergency, but is it really, Tina?
Tina: Yeah, so tell me the last time that watching the new "Fast and the Furious" was an emergency!

Quote from Patrick

Moira: Okay, the thing you must understand about Cliff, Patrick, is that he has been with many women, but he's never derived true pleasure from it.
Patrick: I think I can wrap my head around that.

Quote from Roland

Tina: Tina Holbridge. It is so nice to meet you. I've just been spending the whole afternoon with your two special guys.
Roland: Oh, well, you know, Roland Jr. and I, are gettin' there, but, uh, this guy, I've known him for a long time. You know that he, uh, took me shopping once?
David: Yeah, you know what? Are you ready to take, um, him? Because I'm sure you have a busy day.
Roland: Yeah, I should probably grab him, and go. I'm sorry, I would've been here sooner, but I got electrocuted three times. And the last time I didn't bounce back quite as fast.
David: Well, the important part is that you're-you're here now.
Roland: Yeah, and luckily Gwen's fine, too. I don't know why she was wearing that rubber dress when she cut that wire, but it saved her life.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Well, I think you deserve most of the credit. You know, watching you work with the actors today, I think it was pretty obvious that you should-
Moira: Reprise my role of Sally?
Jocelyn: Uh, maybe? But-
Moira: There's the age discrepancy. Bit of a challenge there. Although I did play Liesl Von Trapp at 50.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Actually working with you made me realize that I may not have the skills to do this. But you, you were practically directly by yourself today.
Moira: Oh, Jocelyn, thank you. And now I fear I've overstepped.
Jocelyn: No, no, no, please! Step all over me. You should be the director, it's clearly in your blood.
Moira: Well, humility forbids me from thinking I could become a quadruple threat that easily.

Quote from Jocelyn

Jocelyn: Please, Moira. You'd be doing me a favour. I mean, it's either that, or you could call Mr. and Mrs. Tekenos and let them know that their daughter bit another student at school today.
Moira: I accept.
Jocelyn: Thank you, Moira! I am happily stepping down.
Moira: In title only. You will be there with me every step of the way, Jocelyn. Assistant directing.
Jocelyn: Assistant directing?
Moira: Mmm-hmm, some would argue it's even more responsibility than directing.
Jocelyn: What have I done? No!


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