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‘Wine and Roses’ Quotes

Schitt's Creek: Wine and Roses

106. Wine and Roses

Aired February 10, 2015

Moira gets her first acting role in a long time, promoting a local vinter. Meanwhile, the move to Schitt's Creek takes its toll on David's health.

Quote from Moira

Moira: In the lee of a picturesque ridge lies a small, unpretentious winery, one that pampers its fruit like its own babies. Hi! I'm Moira Rose, and if you love fruit wine as much as I do, then you'll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner who brings the musk melon goodness to his oak Chardonnay, and the dazzling peach cral-bapple to his Riesling Rioja. Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine. You'll remember the experience and you'll remember the name. Herb Erfling ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herb-blinger. Bing Livehaanger. Liveling. Burt Herkurn. Ban- Bingo Ling-fucker!

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Quote from David

David: Can you get a heart murmur from a lack of sleep? Because I have not slept since we've got here and I think my body is shutting down.
Alexis: Well, I hate to admit it, but I actually know very little about heart murmurs.
David: Well, I have one. Uh, the pulse is very irregular.
Alexis: Honestly, David, I have tried to find my pulse like a thousand times and nothing. So don't worry about it.
David: No, this is very serious! My heart has not rested in a long time, my immune system is very low, I have not been able to find kale anywhere here.

Quote from Ted

David: I'm just not sleeping. I think there's a lack of oxygen getting to my heart because I'm feeling very suffocated.
Ted: Okay, right. Well, if it is a heart attack we're way too far away from the nearest hospital for you to make it through the night.
David: What?
Ted: Kidding.

Quote from Moira

Moira: I can't feel my tongue. But I know it's there because I'm talking.

Quote from Alexis

Mutt: So can I ask you a question? Why do you always get dressed up to do this? I mean, it doesn't seem very practical.
Alexis: Naomi Campbell wore Dolce & Gabbana couture to her community service. And just because she was picking up roadkill did not mean that she needed to look like it. And I just always really admired her courage.
Mutt: Um. I didn't understand a word you just said.
Alexis: Besides, it's nice to, uh, change clothes every once in a while. Something you might wanna consider doing at some point.
Mutt: I change my clothes. They're just all the same.

Quote from David

Alexis: How long are we going to be talking about you for?
David: I think I'm having a heart attack, is what's happening!
Alexis: David, you are like 34.
David: I'm basically 29.
Alexis: Oh, my God, you are overreacting.
David: I think you're gonna feel very guilty when I slip into a coma and you have to come visit me in the hospital at hospice.

Quote from Moira

Herb Ertlinger: Now, it's fruit wine, which is exciting in itself. But the thing we're most proud of is that our fruit is 100% insecticide free.
Johnny: Ah!
Moira: Mm! [drinking] Mm! Mm. There's something in mine.
Herb Ertlinger: Oh, that's a ladybug. That's one of the good ones. Excuse me. [answering phone] Herb Ertlinger...
Moira: No, this tastes like something one should not put in their mouth.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: It's fruit wine. Whoever heard of fruit wine? Doesn't matter, it's a business. I'll make it work.
Moira: It's next to a landfill, John.
Johnny: He said former landfill.

Quote from David

Ted: Well, the good thing is, I don't think that you need an ambulance, David, because what I think is happening here is you're having a panic attack.
David: Oh no, those- Those aren't real. Those are a PR spin for celebrity publicists. Trust me, I've known enough celebrities.
Ted: No, it's absolutely a- A real thing. Uh, tell me, have you had any experiences lately that have caused you stress or anxiety?
David: Uh, well, I went from living in a 2500 square foot Soho live/workspace to a motel room with my sister.
Ted: Wow. Eek. That'll do it.

Quote from Moira

Moira: "Hello, I'm Moira Rose for Herb-" "Oh, hi! I'm Moira Rose for Herb Ertlinger wines inviting you to try our latest offering, a fruity Cab Franc we call-" "We call Herb Ertlinger's fruity cab-" Oh, no. No, no, no. No good. Uh "Smokey tannins infuse this rich blend with a plummy bouquet."
Johnny: "Plummy bouquet"? Is this guy for real?
Moira: His turns of phrase leave much to be desired, but the wine is potable.
Johnny: You called it liquid stink this morning.
Moira: The whites seem less stinky.

Quote from Mutt

Mutt: Don't worry, they're fresh. They're clean.
Alexis: Hmm. Ooh! Smell that rock-beaten freshness. What?
Mutt: It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.
Alexis: You're a freak.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Hello, I'm Moira Rose. And if you like fruit wine as much as I do, discover a winery that pours care and craftsmanship into every glace. Oh, I'm sorry. I wanted to say glass, but I was thinking case.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Hello, I'm Moira Rose, and if you enjoy flute line as much as- What?
Director: Uh, you said "flute line."
Moira: Oh. Oh, that is funny.
Director: No problem. Uh, back to ones. And when you're ready... Action!
Moira: Hello, I'm Moina Rose, and if you Li-
Director: Okay, back to ones. Still rolling.
Moira: Why? Why?
Director: You said "moina."
Moira: Are you sure?
Director: Yeah.

Quote from Moira

Moira: I can't. Can't.
Johnny: You can! Moira, remember Sunrise Bay? You were drunk most of season three. And half of season four. End of season five.
Moira: I'll have to take your word for it.


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