Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Little Sister’ Quotes

Schitt's Creek: Little Sister

111. Little Sister

Aired March 17, 2015

Moira's younger sister, Deedee, comes for a surprise visit. Meanwhile, Jocelyn asks David to speak to a kid in her class, and Alexis gives Twlya relationship advice.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: So, this is weird. Um, today marks the longest relationship that I've ever voluntarily had with someone.
Mutt: Voluntarily.
Alexis: Yeah. The actual longest relationship was, um, a three month affair with a Saudi prince, but for the last two months of that I was trapped in his palace trying to get to an embassy.


Quote from Twyla

Alexis: So what's going on over there?
Twyla: I'm just working on something. Just a little thing for Mutt.
Alexis: Oh! Is it his birthday or something?
Twyla: No. Um, my dad always said, "When in doubt, say it with a song." He was a roadie with Fleetwood Mac and that was the last thing Mick Fleetwood said to him before the band hit him with a restraining order.

Quote from Twyla

Twyla: [to David] In all honesty, Mutt was just a place holder. According to my tea leaves, the guy I'm suppose to marry is black, so...

Quote from David

David: So I am mentoring a teen in crisis later. That's what I'm doing. One of Jocelyn's students, so... He's being bullied because he's different, so I'm helping to change his life. Giving back.
Stevie: Wow.
David: Yeah.
Stevie: And on a scale of one to ten, how much are you looking forward to that?
David: Three point five. I'm gonna leave you be because it's not everyday you get to go on a date with a guy who owns a windowless van, so...

Quote from Moira

Moira: Agghhhhhh! Fuck me! Fuck me!
Johnny: What?
Moira: Fuck me!
Johnny: What?
Moira: John, there's something in the bed!
Johnny: What?
Moira: Something crawled up my leg and I can't see it!
Johnny: What?
Moira: I can't see it!
Johnny: A spider?
Moira: No! Something invisible like lice, or scabies, or bed bugs!
Johnny: Oh, we don't have bed bugs.
Moira: Oh, John, I can't afford to burn all my clothes!

Quote from Twyla

Alexis: Hey, Twyla. Twyla! Twyla?! [throws a muffin at Twyla] I'm so sorry. I really didn't think that was gonna hit you.
Twyla: [taking headphones off] That's okay. Your mom did the same thing to me this morning.

Quote from Jocelyn

Jocelyn: Hi. Can I ask you something?
David: Uh, that depends.
Jocelyn: How shall I put this? You strike me as the sort of person that had a hard time in high school.
David: Thank you.
Jocelyn: Your floral top, for instance.
David: Is there something I can help you with?
Jocelyn: Well, there's a new kid in my school and he's having a little trouble fitting in.
David: Mm-hmm.
Jocelyn: He's also struggling with his sexuality, which I think that you may be also...
David: What can I help you with, Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: Well, I was thinking, wouldn't it be wonderful if you could come down to the school, you know, maybe talk to him and tell him that things only get better.
David: The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you. A lot. I don't-
Jocelyn: I knew there was a good person in there somewhere, David. Oh, and honey, get the quilted; that other stuff will chafe you right up.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: So walk me through this She offered you a cheque and you turned it down?
Moira: She was insulting us!
Johnny: Moira, the woman dates dive bar owners, okay? Let her insult us. Well, I don't know whether you've noticed, but we could use the money. You talk about bed bugs? That cheque could pay for fumigation. Better yet, we could move to a place that doesn't have bed bugs.
Moira: I don't want her money. I want our money she owes us. We loaned her $50,000 dollars.
Johnny: We gave her $50,000 dollars. And you spent more than that on wigs that year.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: I don't see any one else lining up to give us cheques.
Moira: Why are you taking her side?
Johnny: I'm not taking her side, but she's offering us a way out and you're letting your pride get in the way.
Moira: It's all I have left, John, literally.
Johnny: Swallow it, Moira.
Moira: I can't.
Johnny: Yes, you can. And then we can buy a case of champagne to wash it down with.

Quote from David

David: I don't know how much Mrs. Schitt has told you, but she asked me to come in and have a chat. She thinks that since we're both new here it might be worth talking about some things like, you know, fitting in. Apparently you're having trouble fitting in.
Connor: Who- Who- Who are who are you?
David: Oh, my name is David.
Connor: Are you like a doctor or something? A psychologist?
David: Am I what? N-uh, no.
Connor: So why would I talk to you?
David: I don't know. Because your teacher is concerned that you're having trouble adjusting. So she told you to come here and-
Connor: And what, help- Help me? Look at you. Look at your pants.
David: Excuse me! I am sensing a tinge of disrespect here.
Connor: I'll tell you what my problem is. I'm a 16-year-old gay kid living in a town that makes me wanna throw up. The issue isn't me not fitting in. It's me not wanting to fit in. Is there anything else you wanna, you wanna help me with?
David: No.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Well, I hear the pork is very good here. The ribs, the chops, the roast-
Deedee: Nothing for me, thanks.
Johnny: Well, isn't that funny. Because Moira doesn't eat here either. But I will be eating and I just don't know whether to have the ribs or the chops, but I'm definitely ordering pork.
Moira: If you mention pork one more time.

Quote from David

Connor: Okay so you're telling me your girlfriend is on a date with someone else and, instead of doing something about it, you're here talking to me, a kid who practically has no respect for you.
David: Well, first of all, you're a little bitchy. Second of all, she is not my girlfriend. She's someone I'm occasionally having sex with because we're bored and desperate.
Connor: Ah, you're doing a friends with benefits thing with this girl. Have you not seen the 42 films they've made about it? It never works.
David: Okay, well, movies aren't always right, all right? You'll learn that later in life. I happen to be a little bit older than you are, so-
Connor: Obviously.
David: Okay. Well, I think we're good here. You're gonna be okay, right? You're stable?
Connor: I have a party later. Can you buy me some beer?
David: Uh, no. Can you buy me some beer?!

Quote from David

Stevie: What and why are we drinking?
David: Oh, my goodness. Um, I don't know. And today, some snippy teen told me that my life was a mess, so...

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode