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‘The Rollout’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: The Rollout

411. The Rollout

Aired April 3, 2018

Johnny is excited about the rollout of the motel's new branding, until Stevie gets a rash from the toileteries supplied by David's shop. Meanwhile, Alexis works to organize Singles Week, and Moira is called up for jury duty.

Quote from Moira

Judge: Juror 75, you were asked if you had any personal conflicts that might affect your judgments of this case.
Moira: I don't know these people. I don't know these people. The fact that my own world was ripped out from under me, by someone like this prick of a prestidigitator? I should think would help the court in the quest to make a fair judgment. [crowd murmurs] May I approach the bench, please?
Judge: No, you may not. The Court thanks and excuses Prospective Juror 75.


Quote from Moira

Lawyer: Ma'am, can you assure my client and the Court, that you would, to the best of your ability, uphold the law if selected for jury duty?
Moira: Affirmative. Mmm-hmm.
Lawyer: Do you have any life experiences similar to the facts of this case, that might affect your judgment?
Moira: Well, there was that summer that Jimmy Smits stole my heart on stage in a workshop-only production of "An Officer and a Gentleman". I suppose that might be called emotional embezzlement?
Lawyer: So your answer is no.

Quote from Ted

Ted: [talking to dogs] Just be outgoing, be open, and show them your best self. And don't worry, I'll be vetting everyone in advance.
Alexis: Hi.
Ted: Hi. How long have you been standing there?
Alexis: Um, long enough.
Ted: Yeah, I was just giving them a little "pup talk".

Quote from Jocelyn

Moira: But shame on them for summoning a woman in your condition.
Jocelyn: Oh no, I've been waiting for this moment. Apparently, if they call your number, you get to stand in front of a judge. I feel like I'm on "The Voice"!

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: We made sure to order those products in time for the rollout.
David: What rollout?
Johnny: The Rosebud Motel rollout. New name, new branding, flowers in all the rooms. New custom towels, all part of the rollout.
David: Um, who taught you rollout?
Alexis: May have been me. Sorry.
Johnny: You know, other than your little blunder, it would've been a flawless rollout.
Alexis: Okay, you really need to stop saying rollout.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: David, delivery dates are important, when it comes to client loyalty.
David: Okay, do I need to remind you that I'm the one doing you the favour? Accessorizing motel bathrooms is not what I would call on-brand for the store. So, if you would like to pull the account, you can pull the account.
Johnny: Well, I can't pull the account, because it's part of the rollout. So, I may be looking elsewhere when it comes time for the pop-out store.
David: Okay. He meant pop-up store, right?
Alexis: Honestly, David, it took him like 2 weeks to learn rollout, so...

Quote from Moira

Moira: Alexis? Oh, Theodore, back for another meeting of the animals, I see.
Ted: Hello, Mrs. Rose.
Moira: You know you two are lovely little freaks. In this digital day of discontented disconnection, you two still manage to do things face-to-face, like people from before your time.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Jocelyn, I see you've been lassoed into the judicial process as well.
Jocelyn: Finally! I'm surprised to see you here, though.
Moira: I know, right?
Jocelyn: You've served so many times already. I mean you had to miss the Jazzagals Luau Luncheon because of that hung jury, and then before that, you and Johnny got caught in that criminal trial and couldn't make it to the Seafood Potluck.
Moira: Mmm-hmm. What can I say? I'm a stand-out in the jury box.

Quote from Jocelyn

Moira: Jocelyn, for the sake of that woman, you must push for the maximum sentence!
Lawyer: Your Honor!
Judge: Hold on. You two know each other?
Jocelyn: Not really, we just got to talking on the way in. I- I wouldn't say we were close.
Judge: All right, I'm dismissing both Juror 75 and Juror 23.
Jocelyn: Motherfucker. This is the farthest I've ever gone!

Quote from David

Johnny: Well you, yourself must've thought it was a pretty flower, or you wouldn't have put your whole face in it!
David: I'm sorry for touching my nose to a flower! I just went all Gordon Ramsey on one of my most important vendors! I basically told her, her product was like a jar of Ebola!
Johnny: So, this is, uh, not a good time to talk about future orders?
David: We will be cancelling your account.

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