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‘The Pitch’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Schitt's Creek: The Pitch

612. The Pitch

Aired March 24, 2020

Johnny, Stevie and Roland travel to New York City to pitch their Rosebud Motel expansion plan to a private equity firm. Back at the motel, Moira, David and Alexis start to consider life beyond Schitt's Creek.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Now, let me ask you, how many of you have stayed in a motel? Well, motels are small hotels without the golf courses in case you... [chuckles] Well, good-good-good. So you're familiar at least. Now, when I say "motel", what comes to mind? Uh, rundown? Unclean? Unsafe?
Tripp Campbell: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Johnny: Well, that's what I used to think. I always saw motels as a last resort, a dreaded pit stop. But I was wrong. Motels have the potential of offering a window into the unique charm of small town life. And that's exactly what the Rosebud Motel Group plans to do. Open that window and revitalize the classic roadside motel for a new generation. Turns out, a couple of coats of paint and dusting off some mid-century furniture can go a long way.
Stevie: That's right. We've seen a 400% increase in occupancy since we started marketing. And cleaning.
Johnny: And if this is what we can do with one motel, just imagine what we can do with 10,000. I'm not coming to you for charity here, I'm coming to you with an opportunity. There is value in these motels. And if you're wondering how I'm so sure... My family and I have been staying in a motel for the past three years. And I wouldn't trade our stay there for anything. That's how strongly I believe in this idea. As Stevie can attest, if my family can find peace and comfort staying at a motel, anyone can. And I can only wish that one day soon you and your families can experience the love and simple pleasures that come with staying even for one night... at a Rosebud Motel.
Johnny, Stevie & Roland: Where every stay feels like home.

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Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Um, apparently when dad signs the deal, we are moving to New York.
David: What? Well, who's moving to New York?
Alexis: Mom and Dad. And me.
David: And nobody thought to include me in this plan?
Alexis: I literally just found out, and I'm telling you right now.
David: Okay. Well, this might be a stupid question, but what if the deal doesn't go through?
Alexis: Okay. You would have no way of knowing this, but usually when someone sends a jet for you, it means he's very interested. Trust me. And Tiger Woods.

Quote from Moira

Moira: [gasps] Oh gals! You shouldn't have. Jocelyn, are we now moonlighting as town crier?
Jocelyn: Oh, no, Moira...
Moira: Cheeky gawpus you. Yes, it's true. Our husbands, at my husband's direction, are currently in New York City, vending their business to the corporate cognoscenti.

Quote from Twyla

Twyla: Oh, my gosh. That's so exciting. I wonder if they'll go to the M&Ms store?

Quote from Roland

Bryce Wilson: [laughs] First a video store, now a motel chain. What? He wants to reinvent the pager next? [all laugh, room quiets down]
Roland: I uh... forgot my briefcase.
Tripp Campbell: Don't wanna forget that. [chuckles]
Roland: [briefcase thuds] Do you people know what it took for Johnny Rose to come back and do this? After being away for all that time? Shame on you. Shame on all of you. Okay. I just realized you guys are flying us home. So I apologize for my outburst, but I don't regret it. The man's a legend.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Well, what are we supposed to do? You just going like abandon us here?
Moira: Alexis, let's not count our poultry before it's incubated, and depending on what we acquire, we might not even have a guest room available.
Alexis: Okay. Well, either way, the Interflix offices are there and they told me that they wanted to talk to me about continuing our relationship.
Moira: Felicitations, Alexis.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Johnny, woo! Look at me. I'm you. [laughs] I can't believe your suit fits me, we're completely different sizes. And I have a much more athletic build.
Jocelyn: [claps] He looks the same age as the day I met him.
Moira: Oh, I'm sure he's just as handsome as he's ever been.

Quote from Moira

David: Okay, are we praying?
Moira: Don't be ridiculous. To whom it may concern: There's a man out there, my husband, he's out there trying to build back what we've lost. And... I'm sorry 5'10", slow talker...
David: Okay. I think they get it.
Moira: It's our turn to send him abetment.
David: It's just that this is feeling a bit desperate.
Alexis: Can we do this without holding hands?
Moira: No! He's worked so hard while the rest of us have just been flailing about.
Alexis: I don't think that's accurate.
David: Absolutely not the case.
Moira: I implore you... please forward the following; John. My macho man. You don't deserve another failure.
David: Okay. What is happening?
Moira: I don't know, David, just go with it. John, we're here for you. Oh, Alexis your hands as dry as an autumn leaf.

Quote from Stevie

Johnny: 8:15. Roland still isn't here yet. You know if we're a half hour late for this pitch meeting we'll be laughed out of the room.
Stevie: Mr. Rose, you're stressing me out. And I just chugged a bottle of CBD oil.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Boys, this time tomorrow your store may be the official supplier of Rosebud Motels across the continent.
Patrick: I have nothing but confidence, Mr. Rose.
Jocelyn: Rollie, there's mints in your pocket, there was a lot of onions in the omelette.
Moira: Goodbye, my conquistadors! We are all relying on you... No! We're cheering you on!
Alexis: Just wave. Just wave.

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