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38Quotes from ‘Start Spreading The News’

Schitt's Creek: Start Spreading The News

613. Start Spreading The News

Aired March 31, 2020

Moira receives some surprising news. Meanwhile, David reconsiders his decision to move to New York.

Quote from Twyla

Twyla: Alexis, between us, I don't do this job for the money.
Alexis: Okay, well, if you don't do this for money I'm scared to know what you do do for money.
Twyla: Okay, now that you're leaving, can you keep a secret?
Alexis: Depends on how dark it's gonna get, but yes.
Twyla: I won some money in the lottery a few years ago.
Alexis: Oh my God, Twy! Go you! Why did you not tell me this before?
Twyla: Well, because you guys had just gotten here and, and you had just lost all your money. Well, what was I gonna say? I just won $92 million?
Alexis: You won $92 million?
Twyla: Oh, no. Sorry.
Alexis: Okay. Okay, because I literally was about to pass out.
Twyla: Yeah. No, no. I split the $92 million with another guy.

Quote from Twyla

Alexis: Twy, what are you doing here? You could be anywhere, doing anything.
Twyla: I have everything I need right here. And if I've learned anything from how my mom spent the money I gave her, it's that money can buy a lot of snowmobiles, but it can't buy happiness. So it's about how you live your life. You know, doing what makes you smile. And being here, getting to hear your stories over the past few years, even the scary ones, that makes me smile.

Quote from Moira

Moira: John, considering I'll have some time to fritter once we're there, do you think you might want to put me to work?
Johnny: Well, I didn't know that would be of interest to you, Moira. But I'll see if I can get you something. Remember when you were the Rose Video spokesperson that one year?
Moira: How could I not? Oh, that photo of me sunbathing atop a giant VHS tape, was a staple of Times Square for a whole season.

Quote from Twyla

Twyla: Anyway, um, I wanted to come and tell you that what you said to me this morning really resonated.
Alexis: Twy. That means so much. Um, um, what part of what I said, specifically?
Twyla: Oh. That I shouldn't be afraid to spend money on things that are special to me.
Alexis: Mm-hmm.
Twyla: So, I bought the café.
Alexis: What?!
Twyla: I called the owners and told them to name their price.
Alexis: Okay, I was talking more like a spa day or like a cute little anklet or something.
Twyla: It's something that will make me smile. Twyla's Café Tropical. It's got a nice ring to it, right?
Alexis: Yeah. Or like "Twyla's Café".
Twyla: Yeah, I don't think so.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Wow. Moira, I'm not as prepared for this as I thought I would be.
Moira: Oh, Veronica. I suppose you have something in your eye?
Ronnie: No. I just-I just don't like surprises. We should-we should get started.
Moira: May-may I just proclaim that I have rarely... never... I've never felt more buttress than I have in your company, dear gals. Not to flog a metaphor but, wolf pups are born blind and deaf, and in your care I have learned to see and hear the beauty in the bucolic. [Twyla goes into hug Moira] What's this? What? Oh no. No. Let's not turn this into a Hallmark movie of the week. I've done enough of those for a lifetime. Okay? Maybe just a quick one.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Oh, honey, I think we better get going. I gotta get the truck back to the dealership. I told the salesman I was just taking it around the block. But then I thought, maybe some cinnamon buns might just buy us a sun roof.

Quote from Moira

Moira: [on the phone] Oh, Bev, I'm sorry I missed you, but I'm so happy I got your voicemail! Wondering when you might be getatable for a little red biddy, little back chat? Hm? Oh, and we're moving to New York. I just thought it was time. Ciao. [hangs up]
Johnny: Don't tell me you're having lunch with Bev after all this.
Moira: Imagine? No, I amputated those people years ago. But Bev and her big bazoo will get the word out quicker than any group memorandum.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Would you look at this family? Alexis, pursuing a career in PR. David, expanding his business. Moira, I have no doubt Broadway will be calling, or maybe a pledge drive on PBS.
Moira: [chuckles] Oh, you are sweet.
Johnny: I say we do something as a family tonight. Maybe cook a little something?
Alexis: No. I don't think that's a good idea.
David: Absolutely not.
Johnny: I mean, look around, family. This won't be our home for too much longer. [silence] So let's celebrate. Picture. Let's raise those glasses. David? You don't have to look quite so morose. You're with your family. [camera clicks] Ah, now that's a framer. [laughs, phone sounds]
Alexis: You just deleted it.
Johnny: What's that?

Quote from Johnny

Moira: Is it just me, John, or does the air not have a particularly lovely redolence today.
Johnny: Oh.
Moira: Do I detect a scintilla of lavender?
Johnny: Isn't it funny how the air suddenly smells sweeter now that you know we're leaving. Still doesn't feel real.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: I went to the spa. Had a pedicure and a blow-out, at the same time. [laughs] I'm surprised I didn't see you there, Moira, celebrating your big Sunrise Bay news.
Moira: And what would that communiqué entail?
Jocelyn: The reboot! Don't tell me I'm the first person to congratulate you!
Moira: So it's a go. Um, no, uh, unfortunately, I won't be participating in that little vanity project. Best to keep ones gaze on the horizon, not the posterior view.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Twy, you might be the best person I know, but as someone who has had a lot of money and then not had it and now is like still pretty poor, but somewhat okay? Every now and again, spending like a little bit of money on something really special, it might not buy you happiness, but... it can definitely help make you smile.
Twyla: This cute dress makes me smile.
Alexis: Hm. Not quite sure how that one got in there. But anything else in there is yours if you want it.

Quote from Moira

Moira: [answers phone] Tippy. Yes, I just received it. Please, tell me this is not some barbarous jape. Yes. Yes. My answer is a yes! A clangorous, vociferous yes. Thank you. Thank you.
Johnny: What's all that about?
Moira: Sunrise Bay. Wow. When forced to choose between Clifton and myself, they decided mine was the bigger name.

Quote from Patrick

David: Why didn't you tell me about the house?
Patrick: I, um, I was gonna wait until after the wedding to tell you.
David: Hm.
Patrick: 'cause I know how flustered you can get when there's more than one thing on your plate.
David: Hmm. Unless it's food.
Patrick: Yeah, and then New York happened and... I don't know, it just seemed kinda pointless.
David: Mm-hmm. When did that house even go up for sale?
Patrick: Well, technically, it didn't, but after the fourth time that we drove by it, and you commented that it reminded you of Kate Winslet's cottage from The Holiday. I just knocked on the door and asked them to call me if they ever decided to sell. Turns out their daughters are off to college, and they're moving to Florida.

Quote from Patrick

David: So that's why you were so reluctant to move.
Patrick: It's just hard to picture living someplace you've never even visited. And I always thought you didn't like New York.
David: Um, no, uh, I love New York. It was just a weird time in my life. But I don't want you moving somewhere that you're not excited about.
Patrick: I'm excited to be with you. And there are some pros to being there. I mean, it would open the business up to a much larger market. I'd finally get to see a game at Yankee Stadium.
David: Yeah, and by then you'll have met some people that would go and do that with you.
Patrick: It's gonna be a tough goodbye. This is where we started our life together.

Quote from Twyla

Jocelyn: No, she's right, Moira, they'd be lucky to have you on their two-bit show.
Twyla: Yeah, and reboots are never as good as the original.
Moira: Well, aren't you a wolf pack by which any gal would be so lucky to be protected. But it's time for this pup to disperse to new territory. Sunrise Bay called with an irresistible offer.
Twyla: That's great, Mrs. Rose. I mean, who doesn't love a reboot.

Quote from David

Stevie: This might seem like a really stupid question, but um... why are we here?
David: Because I felt like I owed it to Patrick to at least see the place where he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives.
Stevie: And?
David: And it's way too small for the rest of our lives, but it's cute.
Stevie: Okay, so we just drove here to look at a place that you don't plan on living in?
David: Correct.
Stevie: How many years have I known you, and I still can't figure out what goes on inside your head.
David: [emotional] Join the club.
Stevie: That was a joke, in case it didn't land.
David: Hmm. No, I was just thinking about how Patrick must have driven out here, and knocked on that door and asked those people to call him if they ever planned on selling just because I... I said it was nice. Who does that?
Stevie: Good people. Good people do things like that. Hence the reason why we don't understand it.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Can I ask you a question?
David: Yes.
Stevie: What is it about New York?
David: I have big dreams.
Stevie: And you can't have those dreams here?
David: And some friends left there.
Stevie: The "friends" who you invited to the wedding?
David: To name a few, yes.
Stevie: David, they're not coming. Apparently there was an electronic music festival in Norway that took priority. Why do you wanna go back to a place that's done nothing but hurt your feelings?
David: Because I want those people to know that I'm not a joke. And that I've won.
Stevie: David, look at this place. You've won. And on a personal note, I don't want you to leave me here, okay?

Quote from David

Johnny: Kids, food's here.
Alexis: Mm-mmm.
David: Wait. One pizza? What is this, Les Mis?
Moira: Yes, it's a dignified family symposium, David. Not some all-one-can-consume smorgasbord.
Johnny: Don't be an animal, son.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay. So what are the plans for tonight? Because I might be meeting Twy for a drink.
Johnny: Well, I thought we'd all stay in tonight, and enjoy the pizza and play charades?
Moira: Charades. I'm going to have to gracefully bow out. I don't think you can afford my quote anymore.

Quote from David

Johnny: Well, I suppose I should let you both know that there's been a slight change of plans. As you've heard, your mother is going back to work. [Alexis claps] And we'll be heading to California. Now, I've I made some calls and I'll be setting up shop out west for the time being.
Alexis: Ooh, so it's just David and me going to New York then?
David: Um... I have something to say.
Moira: The wedding's off.
David: No. The wedding is not... Why would the wedding be off? Patrick found us a house.
Alexis: Okay, I don't know how we'd be able to afford a house.
David: The house is here. I think we're going to stay.
Alexis: What?
Moira: David, are sure you've given this sentencing adequate deliberation?
David: I just don't think I'm finished with this place. My business is here. My... my husband is here. And I'm just not ready to mess that up... just yet.

Quote from Moira

David: So when are you leaving?
Moira: September 3rd.
David: That's my wedding day.
Moira: And we're tied to the third?
Johnny: Oh, Moira...
David: Am I tied to the third?
Johnny: Of course you're getting married on the third, David. Moira, we can leave first thing the next morning.
Moira: Yes. We will, John. It's just worth noting that the lie-flat seats were only on the evening flight.

Quote from David

Johnny: Kids! Breakfast is served.
Alexis: I already ate. Oh.
David: I don't see any breakfast.
Johnny: Mimosas! We're celebrating! Ruth sent over a bottle of champagne.
David: So there's no food then?

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Roland, you bought a new truck?
Roland: Well, Johnny, if you wanna be an executive, you gotta drive like an executive.
Johnny: It might be a bit premature spending all this money.
Roland: Well, what's the point of having a regular paycheck if you can't have a little fun with it, right?

Quote from Moira

Moira: I thought they might have at least called to say they were moving on. [sighs]
Johnny: Big things are coming your way, sweetheart. Don't you worry.
Moira: Okay. I don't. Worry is but undernourished enthusiasm.

Quote from David

Stevie: Hello.
David: Something's different. Your... hair.
Stevie: Is in a ponytail because I didn't wash it.
David: Oh. Okay. It just sort of looks like since you got the deal you've decided to dress more professionally.

Quote from Stevie

David: What says, "Patrick, you're gonna love New York" more? A gift card to Joe's Pizza or tickets to "Wicked"?
Stevie: You're taking Patrick on a trip to New York?
David: Uh, no. We're moving there with all of you! What? Do you think we're gonna stay here all by ourselves?
Stevie: I'm not moving to New York, David.
David: What?
Stevie: We decided that Roland and I would stay here. And I'm gonna travel around and set up all the new motels. I mean, I realized I didn't need to live in a big city. I guess... I just needed to know that I could.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: So I take it you didn't like the house?
David: What house?
Stevie: What?
David: What house?
Stevie: Patrick may have been looking at a house for the two of you. He didn't say anything about that?
David: Uh, no. Like-like to buy?
Stevie: He said that you guys had driven by it a bunch of times.
David: That house is for sale?
Stevie: No. I don't know. I... Can we stop talking about this? I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Quote from Alexis

Twyla: Oh, Alexis, garbage day is the same for the whole street. You didn't need to bring your garbage all the way here.
Alexis: Um, I brought my garbage here for a reason. I thought you might like to wear some of it.
Twyla: What?
Alexis: As you know, David and I are sharing an apartment in New York, so I'm like downsizing a little bit.
Twyla: I can't take all of this, Alexis. Maybe we can do another swap? Or, or, why don't I just go through it and pay for the ones I wanna keep?
Alexis: No, Twy, I can't take your money. I've seen how people tip here.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Okay. What is everybody screaming about?
Moira: Sunrise Bay. It's happening. They've accepted my demands.
Alexis: All of them? Even the bracelet?
Moira: Even the bracelet.
Alexis: And you're giving it to me?
Moira: No, there are 30 diamonds on that thing.

Quote from David

David: What are you doin'?
Patrick: [sighs] Oh, I'm just trying to write my vows.
David: Oh. Well, if you need some flattering things to say about me, I'd me more than happy to help.
Patrick: I'm good. Thanks.

Quote from Ronnie

Moira: Why have I not been told about the double-decker sightseeing tour.
All: [laugh]
Twyla: Well, we wanted to show our support for your move to the Big Apple!
Ronnie: Yeah, we heard that Sunrise Bay was moving on without you, but who needs them?
Moira: Well, you know...
Ronnie: I say, fuck 'em.
Moira: Veronica!

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: So what does this mean?
Moira: Alas, as much as it pains to say, this will mark my last rehearsal with you all.
Twyla: [emotional] Oh my goodness.
Ronnie: Oh, thanks for the heads up.
Moira: Camera waits for no one.

Quote from Twyla

Alexis: Oh, hey, Twy! Is everything okay? Did I forget to pay for brunch again?
Twyla: Oh. No. You remembered. Today.

Quote from Twyla

Alexis: Twy, I'm so happy for you. Oh. You deserve it.
Twyla: Thank you, Alexis. And you deserve this.
Alexis: Oh, my God. Twy.
Twyla: It's for all your dresses. Most of them fit. And whatever doesn't I'll just give to my mom.
Alexis: Okay. That's so sweet, but those dresses would never sell for this much, like not even in retail.
Twyla: Consider it a goodbye present. A little something to help you start your new life. Maybe even enough to get you your own place. You're gonna do great things, Alexis.
Alexis: No, I know. But I can't accept this. Even though I know I'm gonna regret it, in like a minute. I think that if I'm gonna do this on my own, I need to... do this on my own.
Twyla: I respect that.
Alexis: Oh. Hey, I don't mean to tell you how to spend your money, but maybe you could use some of it to come visit me?
Twyla: I'd like that.
Alexis: Boop. Hey Twy, like, cute dress.
Twyla: Thanks. My friend gave it to me.

Quote from David

David: Did you put on deodorant today?
Stevie: Excuse me?
David: I know, it might be the farm.
Stevie: It's the farm.
David: Okay. I smelled something.
Stevie: It's not me!
David: All right!
Stevie: We're leaving!
David: Relax.

Quote from Alexis

David: I'm sorry, I said I would share a place with you.
Johnny: So does this mean you'll be coming with us, Alexis?
Alexis: Um, no. I think it means that I'm gonna be flying solo to New York. I've done it before, and I can do it again.
Moira: You take that ember of independence and you keep it burning. Because you, my darling, are destined to be on fire!

Quote from David

Patrick: David, what is going on?
David: You're wearing a blindfold. I'm not just gonna tell you what's going on. [clears throat] Okay. You can take it off now.
Patrick: Hey, you do know that I've already seen this house, right?
David: I do.
Patrick: So then why are we here?
David: Because I put an offer in. And they accepted.
Patrick: What? What about New York? I thought that's where you wanted to be?
David: I thought so, too. But it's not where you wanna be. And I don't wanna be anywhere you don't wanna be.
Patrick: David, I promise I will make you so happy here.
David: You fucking better.

Quote from Patrick

Patrick: Wait. So when you say you put an offer in...
David: Yes.
Patrick: What exactly did you do?
David: Um, I don't really know. You might wanna call them. Call the people.
Patrick: Yeah, no. I'm definitely gonna look at that offer.
David: Mm-hmm.
Patrick: You know, at this point who even needs a wedding, am I right?
David: Oh, I do. I need a wedding. Big time.


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