Schitt's Creek Quotes

Schitt's Creek

Schitt's Creek

After the wealthy Rose family lose their fortune, they go to live in their one remaining asset, the small town of Schitt's Creek, which they bought as a joke two decades earlier.

Starring: Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Daniel Levy, Annie Murphy, Emily Hampshire, Chris Elliott, Jenn Robertson, Dustin Milligan, Sarah Levy, Noah Reid, John Hemphill, Karen Robinson.
Recurring Actors: Tim Rozon, Rizwan Manji.
Original Run: 2015-2020.

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Quote from Johnny in Meet the Parents

David: Okay so, as we all know, I think surprise parties are tacky, and far too often organized by well-intentioned people with very bad taste. But Patrick has always wanted one, poor thing. So I am throwing him a surprise party tonight.
Johnny: Well, David, these kinds of parties take time, and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother's 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.

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Quote from Moira in Roadkill

Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.

Quote from Alexis in The Hospies

Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a cute, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Alexis: La-la-la.
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.

Quote from Moira in The Throuple

Moira: I never meant for you to think that I didn't wanna spend any time with you. Well I hope it's not too late to make up for lost time.
Alexis: Okay. What is your favourite season?
Moira: [inhales sharply] Awards.

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Quote from Moira in Moira's Nudes

Johnny: You know, all things considered Moira I'd say we have a couple of pretty great kids.
Moira: Mmm-hmm. They say it's through our children that we stay young. But I haven't seen much effort on their part.

Quote from Moira in Girls' Night

David: Okay, I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row.
Moira: David! How was I to know that Ted would be such a trigger, all these years later?
David: A year later, and she is, like, right back in it. So you might wanna pay a little more attention to your daughter's life, if only to alleviate the weight of me having to deal with it, every day.
Moira: Oh. I did call that other woman charming, didn't I?
David: Striking, I believe was the word you used to describe Ted's new girlfriend, who isn't Alexis.
Moira: Well to my credit, she was.

Quote from Moira in Milk Money

David: Well, I'm sorry, I felt very conflicted about the whole thing.
Moira: Of course you were. Now will you be a doll, and fetch Mummy a knife?
David: A knife?
Moira: Oh, I'm sorry, I think you'll find one lodged in the middle of my back.
David: Okay, well, that's a lot.
Moira: And when you pull it out of my back...
David: Okay, I'm gonna take a shower.
Moira: You can plunge it into my heart!
David: Okay, all right.
Moira: Plunge it into my heart!