TV Quotes

Lucille: His name is Dustin Radler, and I haven't hired him, because technically, he's given up the rat race.
George Sr.: Oh, God, the "giving up the rat race" guy? This is the sand hobo? Uh, it's just a question. Are you guys doing something?
Lucille: [inhales]
Gob: Don't say it! Please, I can't I can't hear it.
Lucille: He tickles my fancy.
Gob: Your what? Is the- What part of Mom is the fancy? You do not want to know what I'm picturing, and it's not what you think.
Lucille: Oh, stop. We walk on the beach. We like the feel of the sand on our feet.
Gob: Oh, God, the thought of your feet.
George Sr.: It's fine. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. Well, maybe I'll go check on Buster.
Gob: Wow. Mom really has him fancy-whipped, huh?

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Lucille: Don't you judge me. You're the selfish one. You're the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?
Michael: You've never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?

Michael: Hey, Mom. I went to visit Dad today. Quick question. How long does it take you to get out there?
Lucille: Oh, I've never been.
Michael: Then why does he tell me that you've never been?
Lucille: [belches] Ooh. Sorry, Michael. Pool food. My system's not used to curly fries.

Tobias: Come on! Let's see some bananas and nuts! Oh, perhaps we should just pull their pants off.
Phillip Litt: Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing? This is where we shoot.
Lindsay: Yeah, well, you've got competition now, 'cause we're making our own video.
Phillip Litt: Will you just get over it! It's nudity. Just because you're ashamed of your body doesn't mean everybody should be.
Tobias: Oh, really? Well, let's see how you feel about what you're packing.
[Tobias bends down and pulls down Phillip Litt's pants to reveal a pair of denim cut-offs]
Lindsay: [gasps] You're a [bleep] never-nude? You're asking girls to take their tops off, and you can't even be naked? I've gotta get this.
Tobias: Lindsay, I've already got it. I'm back into cutoffs. Lindsay?
Phillip Litt: I didn't see you at the convention.
Tobias: No, I was in Germany. I teleconferenced in.
Phillip Litt: Oh, did you go to the seminar on chafing?
Tobias: Dr. Schoenweiss. Yes.

Lucille: George!
George Sr.: Lucille! Hi. Uh, this is not what it looks like.
Lucille: It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.
George Sr.: Yep. Yeah, that's it.
Lucille: Is this why you wanted to fight this thing? So you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?
George Sr.: Listen to me. She is a fan of mine. She has seen everything I've done. You understand? Everything.
Lucille: Well, so have I and I'm not going to put up with it anymore.
George Sr.: Okay.
Lucille: You'll be hearing from Barry.