Gob: I've met someone. Can't really give you any information. Kind of famous-y.
Michael: I also met someone. Also famous-y.
Gob: Have you?
Michael: Can't give you any information.
Gob: Is it Julie Bowen?
Michael: No, it's not. Is yours Julie Bowen?
Gob: Is yours Julie- Oh, my God, Michael, you're seeing Julie Bowen?
Michael: I am not seeing Julie Bowen, but if you are, you tell me right now.
Gob: I want to hear you say the words, "I'm not seeing Julie Bowen."
Michael: I have not seen Julie Bowen.
Gob: Well, that's a funny way to phrase it.

Gob: Blah, blah, blah. Look at this.
Michael: What's that mean? You're not gonna sign it?
Gob: No. I was just thinking that I should have my attorney Bob Loblaw look at this.

Narrator: And that's when Gob found a solution to filling one of the houses.
Tobias: I've been looking for a place to live.
Gob: That's great. When can you move in?
Tobias: Uh, duh! Now! Oh, the other sex offenders are going to be so jealous.
Gob: Wait a minute. You know of other people with similar needs?
Narrator: And that's when he filled the rest.
Tobias: Oh, I have a list of men that could fill every opening you have. [coughs] [Gob laughs, coughs]

Narrator: And Michael confessed that he had grown estranged from his son.
Gob: I'll call him for you. You've given me a new sense of purpose.
Michael: I don't want you to get your hopes up. You know, when I said that these places sell themselves, I should have gone on to say, you know, that... No, they don't.

Steve Holt: [answers phone] Hey, you remembered.
Gob: How about you and I go to a magic show together?
Steve Holt: I love magic, of course. I mean, my dad's a magician. Well, you're my dad, I mean, so you should know.
Gob: Right. Well, it'd be sort of a father-son thing at a gay club. Well, technically gay night at a magic club. Hey, you know what'd be funny? If you pretended to be my boyfriend so I could lock this guy, Tony Wonder...
Steve Holt: You know, I don't know. I don't think this whole thing is sounding like a good idea. Besides, last time we tried to do something together, you didn't even show up.
Gob: You know what? You're mad at me. I get it, I totally get it. And guess what? I'm mad at you.
Steve Holt: You know, Dad, that attitude might be why you're alone all the time. The way you treat people...
Gob: What about you? I didn't even hear from you for your entire childhood. And then thanks for the birthday card that I never got from you for the last 40 years.
Narrator: This was extra hard for Steve to hear on his actual birthday.

Gob: Besides, that's before I knew that he had locked me in my trick.
Michael: You still don't know that he tried to lock you in your trick.
Gob: Hey, I do know, I have proof. I went in that cave and I found this. We both know what that stands for.
Michael: Jesus.
Gob: No, that would be a "J." This is a "T." Tony Wonder was there in the cave the night that I did my big illusion, so when I went yesterday to the cave and I saw that this had wedged my compartment door shut, I knew that I'd been wronged.
Michael: Okay. The only thing that we know is that you tried to lock Tony Wonder in his trick first. Right? So you're even.
Gob: No, no. Because mine didn't work. He got the last laugh, which, in this case, happened to be the first laugh. I don't understand why you can't seem to follow me on any of this.
Michael: Gob, you've got a chance to build a brand-new life. Don't run away from it again. Don't try to escape it.
Gob: I don't do that, Michael. Listen, if you insist on speaking to me like you're my wife, then don't be surprised to find my [bleep] in you and then you never hear from me again.

Michael: I'm offering you a good job, selling good homes, making real good money, and I'm not asking for anything in return.
Gob: What is this?
Michael: I'm asking for a little something in return. These are- This is for the movie. This is for your life rights in perpetuity, in the known universe and beyond.

Narrator: Gob was making good on a promise he had made to Michael...
George Michael: [answers phone] Hi, Uncle Gob.
Gob: I need to see you tonight.
Narrator: ...to talk to his son.
Gob: It's about your father and you.
George Michael: Really, is he upset?
Gob: [to the clothes sales person] Do I seem like a clown to you?
George Michael: I got it.
Gob: [to the clothes sales person] Do I seem like some kind of a clown to you?
George Michael: Look, I got it.

George Michael: [on the phone] I got it, Uncle Gob. Just tell me where.
Gob: Meet me tonight at the Gothic Castle.
George Michael: I will. The Gothic Castle?
Gob: No, the Gothicassle. Yes, the Gothic Castle.
George Michael: No, I didn't say the Gothicassle.
Gob: What do you think, they call it the Gothicassle?
George Michael: No, I said the Gothic Castle.
Gob: It's the Gothic Castle.
George Michael: Gothic Castle. Okay.

Narrator: And so it was a very worried George Michael that arrived to speak to his uncle at the Gothic Castle, which, that night, did actually kind of resemble the Gothicassle.
George Michael: Uncle Gob!
Gob: Don't call me Uncle- Actually, no, that's good. That works here.
George Michael: Is my dad upset? What's going on?
Gob: No, he's fine.
George Michael: But you told me he was really upset about something.
Gob: I don't know. I do know that your daddy wants you to get your hot, little, tight, little, hot ass right up there right away to see him.