Buster: Did I exaggerate about her?
Inmate: She really is just like the mother in Two and a Half Men.
Lucille: No, you did not.
Buster: Start watching that show? Yes, I did, Mother. And you lied to me. There's no scary half-man that I couldn't handle.
Lucille: I don't approve of that show.

George Michael: Even though we just left the stair car there when it broke down? I mean, what if they find it?
Maeby: I'm sure somebody got it working and it's long gone. And it's not like you're actually lying to your dad. You're just letting him believe something that isn't true. You know? Like how people think the world's melting because people drive cars, or that Hillary should continue to roam free.
Narrator: And Maeby realized she had something else to say good-bye to.
Maeby: Good-bye, Fox & Friends.

Lucille: Buster, please. The parade's in two days. The whole city will be there. The last thing this family needs right now is a Bluth in a chain gang, picking up trash.
Buster: Well, it's either that, or I'm gonna start spewing it. And your job's not gonna be easy since, of course, I got dinged because I screamed, "Turn it off!" after they showed the half-man. It's like they need another reason to call me...
Lucille: Half-man?
Buster: Jon Cryer.
Lucille: Oh.

Tobias: [on the phone] Anyway, I'm at Ma Bark's, and she tells me Lindsay should be back this afternoon, before I'm out of my postal plumage. Of course, when she does come back, I'll still need to get her into the car.
Lucille: Well, say whatever you need to.
Tobias: Yes. Well, I was thinking I would just say, "Your mother is so sorry she upset you."
Lucille: Out of the question.
Tobias: [sighs] Yes. It felt a little out of character.

Gob: If you really feel that way, maybe we don't have to say good-bye.
Tony Wonder: What do you mean?
Gob: I mean, the problem was, like you said, that we couldn't be together without branding each other's taint.
Tony Wonder: No, it's, uh, tainting each other's brand, but same dif.
Gob: Dif.
Both: Same.
Tony Wonder: Same dif.

Buster: Well, there's a lot of stuff I've done in this prison that you might not approve of. I touched a mouse. I read an illustrated Qur'an for kids, and at recess once, I sat in "Blacks only."
Lucille: Yard.
Buster: Oh, I keep doing that. But maybe what you really don't approve of is me.
Lucille: If you must know the truth, I'm not thrilled with you.
Buster: Okay.
Lucille: The last time I saw you, you told me you didn't need me anymore.
Buster: Okay- So I'm to believe that's what you're upset about? [laughs] Not that you think I'm a murderer? Or that I touched a mouse?

Michael: How about, starting right now, no more lies.
Barry: That doesn't include me, though, does it?
Michael: No, no, no. You'd be out of business.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Gob was second-guessing his float, as he waited for Tony Wonder, who had yet to show up.
Gob: Aw, damn it!
Michael: Hey, Gob, have you seen Mom?
Gob: No. Um, hey, how would you like to help me in a double-closet sexuality switch two-hander float illusion, no credit, no money? Oh, and you turn gay.
Michael: I'll pass.
Gob: Yeah, that's what I thought of you.

Michael: Come on, you knew that Lucille 2 was with Oscar, and you let your son sit in prison instead of telling anyone.
Lucille: [sobs] Knew? Michael, I can't- I mean, the thought that I wouldn't run to the D.A. [crying] the moment I-
Michael: Mom, Mom. Please.
Lucille: Do you have a tissue?
Michael: You haven't needed a tissue since Nixon resigned.

Lucille: Well, I'm not going to be the one who apologizes, if that's what you're waiting for.
Buster: Well, I'm sorry, but-
Lucille: Apology accepted.
Buster: Uh...
Guard: No, you said it. You said "I'm sorry."
Lucille: You said the words.