Gob: So, what's up?
George Michael: I, uh, need you to make some fake I.D.'s for me and Maeby.
Gob: Like a passport?
George Michael: Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. Oh, and, uh, preferably French. I like the way they think.

Maeby: You would've had to lie about scuba, 'cause you would've been scared.
George Michael: Why do you say I'm scared of scuba? I'm not.
Maeby: You passed out at the aquarium.
George Michael: Well, they make you feel like you're underwater with all these giant...
Maeby: Dolphins?
George Michael: I still think that was some kind of smiling, kind of bemused baby shark.

Michael: [to Maeby] Ah, hey. Did that Murphybrown thing upset you?
George Michael: Oh, did that actress die? Oh, [bleeps] you, 2015.
Michael: Oh, no, this is different.

Gob: Are those police boats? No, I'm serious. I think they are police boats.
Police Officer: [over bullhorn] Prepare to be boarded. Prepare to be boarded.
George Michael: I knew it was against the law.

Michael: Hey, what you doin'?
George Michael: Nothing.
Michael: No? [checks George Michael's book] So, listen, your, uh, your Uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No, no. Maybe it was the other George Michael, the singer-songwriter.
Michael: Yeah, that makes sense.

Maeby: So, how do you think Gob's gonna make this yacht disappear?
George Michael: Well, I'll be working here, so I guess I'll never know.
Maeby: I guess the only real way to find out how it's done is to sneak on the boat while he does it.
George Michael: Yeah, but if he makes it disappear, won't everyone see me standing there?
Maeby: Let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement was.

Narrator: Michael was heading off to work when his son, George Michael, reminded him of a yearly tradition.
George Michael: Hey, don't forget me.
Michael: For what?
George Michael: It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. And unless you had a daughter I don't know about, I'm your girl.
Narrator: Michael had first made this joke when George Michael was six.
[flashback:]
Michael: Well, she's not my daughter, but it's about as close as I'm gonna get.
Young George Michael: I'm a good little girl.
[flashback:]
Narrator: It was a joke Michael was starting to grow concerned about as it had not worn well with age.
George Michael: Hey, Dad. They're out of sanitary napkins in the ladies' washroom.
George Sr.: Weird kid.

George Michael: Hey, can I bring Ann?
Michael: Who?
George Michael: Ann. You know, she's- she's the girl I'm kinda hanging out with.
Michael: I haven't met Ann.
George Michael: Yes, you have.
Narrator: Michael had met Ann.
George Michael: You let her in. See, that's her right over there.
Michael: Oh, Ann. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I know Ann. Hey, you! She's got a little hard-boiled egg going there.
George Michael: Oh, it's so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth, and then she'll take an egg and kind of.... mmm. She calls it a mayonn-egg. [chuckles] Are you okay?
Michael: I don't feel so good.

George Michael: Wow, you're president again?
Michael: Yes, this is the way it should be. What do you think of when you hear the words, "Sudden Valley"?
George Michael: Salad dressing, I think. But for some reason, I don't wanna eat it.
Michael: Right. But "Paradise Gardens."
George Michael: Yeah. Okay. I can see marinating a chicken in that.

Maeby: So bring Ann.
George Michael: No, that's not her kind of thing. I mean, if it maintains any of the complex eroticism of the French original anyway. I like the way they think.