Previous Episode Next Episode 
Meat the Veals

‘Meat the Veals’

Season 2, Episode 16 -  Aired April 3, 2005

Michael worries that George Michael is moving too fast with Ann, so he tries to torpedo their relationship by meeting the Veals.

Quote from Tobias

Narrator: Michael came home to find his brother-in-law Tobias, who'd been kicked out of the house earlier that week.
Tobias: Michael. How are you?
Michael: Good. Didn't I already see you today?
Tobias: Not that I know of.
Narrator: Michael had seen him earlier that day as Tobias had been posing as an English nanny named Mrs.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Okay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right. I forgot. Here in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.
Narrator: The family, of course, knew it was Tobias but the house had never been cleaner.


Quote from Maeby

Tobias: Hello, young lady. I haven't seen you in a week.
Maeby: Oh. Right. That means Mrs. Featherbottom isn't here. Which means she didn't iron my blouse which means I don't have anything to wear for my premiere. The premier... of Canada. He's going out with my gym teacher.
Narrator: Maeby was actually referring to the premiere of a film from the studio where she had conned her way into a job.
Maeby: Oh, hey, Jeff. Did you get a chance to do coverage on "Voices in America: History and Perspective"?
Jeff: Yeah. I looked that up. It's a ninth grade history textbook.
Maeby: Yeah. And if I don't get your report on it, I won't be able to pass... on it. Because I have a feeling it's a piece of [bleep]
Narrator: Unfortunately, the job was wreaking havoc with her language.
Maeby: Maybe we just need a new [bleep] housekeeper.
Tobias: Okay. I'm sure she would have ironed it for you had you told her about it before she changed out of her bloody work clothes. But I am off then.
Maeby: Well, I gotta keep him trying. And that is the job.

Quote from Tobias

Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Jolly news, governor. Young master's proposing.
Michael: George Michael? I told him not to. He said he wouldn't.
Tobias: Well, this was before he saw you pounding that sweet piece of veal.
Michael: He saw that? Where is he?
Tobias: Oh, he left with Lady Lindsay-
Michael: Tobias, where are they?
Tobias: [normal voice] It is me. It's Tobias.

Quote from Tobias

Narrator: Fortunately, Tobias had rented a car to maintain his ruse.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] I had this shipped over from "Blackstool." It's what I used to drive the Roger Moores about in.

Quote from Tobias

Narrator: Gob raced his parents to the church passing George Michael and Lindsay who were soon followed by Mrs. Featherbottom.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Oh, mercy me! I keep forgetting I'm in the colonies.

Quote from Gob

Gob: We're havin' a party?
Lucille: No. Well, I'm sorry if I don't want you doing one of your stupid puppet shows.
Gob: I did that once, Mom. And a lot of people thought it was pretty cool.
Narrator: In an effort to hip up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet.
Gob: Can I tell you somethin', my man? Sure, Franklin. You are one cool [bleep]
Speakin' of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.
George Sr.: Get off my wife, you bastard!
Gob: Oh, man. What's the matter with you?
Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-Americany wasn't ready to hear either.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: She wants her man back. [as Franklin] "Yo, man. You're gonna get your sorry white ass thrown in jail." [normal voice] I said that's enough.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: Michael came up with an excuse he knew his mother would understand.
Michael: I'm listening in on my son. I'm a little worried about his girlfriend, Ann.
Lucille: My advice, get one of those teddy bears with the cameras in them. I had one in Buster's room to make sure he wasn't getting too serious with anyone. As it turned out, he got too serious with the teddy bear.

Quote from Tobias

Lindsay: Look, it's just a pre-engagement. It's exciting. You know, it's young love. I had it once. A man I loved.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Here's young Maeby's blouse.
Lindsay: And then things took a turn somehow.
Tobias: Master Bluth, I haven't seen you in a week's time.
Michael: Oh, actually, you tried to put a banger in my mouth this morning.
Tobias: [chuckles] Oh, was it this morn- Well, I'm sorry. I'm just so exhausted.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: Lucille was setting up for the anniversary party that she didn't expect her husband to attend.
Lucille: Where's the food?
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Sorry. Just stuffing the mushroom.
Lindsay: You realize that's Tobias, don't you?
Lucille: If he's gonna raid my closet, he's gonna work for it.

Page 2