Narrator: Michael came home to find his brother-in-law Tobias, who'd been kicked out of the house earlier that week.
Tobias: Michael. How are you?
Michael: Good. Didn't I already see you today?
Tobias: Not that I know of.
Narrator: Michael had seen him earlier that day as Tobias had been posing as an English nanny named Mrs.
Featherbottom.
[flashback:]
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Okay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right. I forgot. Here in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.
Narrator: The family, of course, knew it was Tobias but the house had never been cleaner.

Tobias: Hello, young lady. I haven't seen you in a week.
Maeby: Oh. Right. That means Mrs. Featherbottom isn't here. Which means she didn't iron my blouse which means I don't have anything to wear for my premiere. The premier... of Canada. He's going out with my gym teacher.
Narrator: Maeby was actually referring to the premiere of a film from the studio where she had conned her way into a job.
[flashback:]
Maeby: Oh, hey, Jeff. Did you get a chance to do coverage on "Voices in America: History and Perspective"?
Jeff: Yeah. I looked that up. It's a ninth grade history textbook.
Maeby: Yeah. And if I don't get your report on it, I won't be able to pass... on it. Because I have a feeling it's a piece of [bleep]
[present:]
Narrator: Unfortunately, the job was wreaking havoc with her language.
Maeby: Maybe we just need a new [bleep] housekeeper.
Tobias: Okay. I'm sure she would have ironed it for you had you told her about it before she changed out of her bloody work clothes. But I am off then.
Maeby: Well, I gotta keep him trying. And that is the job.

Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Jolly news, governor. Young master's proposing.
Michael: George Michael? I told him not to. He said he wouldn't.
Tobias: Well, this was before he saw you pounding that sweet piece of veal.
Michael: He saw that? Where is he?
Tobias: Oh, he left with Lady Lindsay-
Michael: Tobias, where are they?
Tobias: [normal voice] It is me. It's Tobias.

Narrator: Fortunately, Tobias had rented a car to maintain his ruse.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] I had this shipped over from "Blackstool." It's what I used to drive the Roger Moores about in.

Narrator: Gob raced his parents to the church passing George Michael and Lindsay who were soon followed by Mrs. Featherbottom.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Oh, mercy me! I keep forgetting I'm in the colonies.

Gob: We're havin' a party?
Lucille: No. Well, I'm sorry if I don't want you doing one of your stupid puppet shows.
Gob: I did that once, Mom. And a lot of people thought it was pretty cool.
Narrator: In an effort to hip up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet.
[flashback:]
Gob: Can I tell you somethin', my man? Sure, Franklin. You are one cool [bleep]
Speakin' of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.
George Sr.: Get off my wife, you bastard!
Gob: Oh, man. What's the matter with you?
[present:]
Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-Americany wasn't ready to hear either.

George Sr.: She wants her man back. [as Franklin] "Yo, man. You're gonna get your sorry white ass thrown in jail." [normal voice] I said that's enough.

Narrator: Michael came up with an excuse he knew his mother would understand.
Michael: I'm listening in on my son. I'm a little worried about his girlfriend, Ann.
Lucille: My advice, get one of those teddy bears with the cameras in them. I had one in Buster's room to make sure he wasn't getting too serious with anyone. As it turned out, he got too serious with the teddy bear.

Lindsay: Look, it's just a pre-engagement. It's exciting. You know, it's young love. I had it once. A man I loved.
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Here's young Maeby's blouse.
Lindsay: And then things took a turn somehow.
Tobias: Master Bluth, I haven't seen you in a week's time.
Michael: Oh, actually, you tried to put a banger in my mouth this morning.
Tobias: [chuckles] Oh, was it this morn- Well, I'm sorry. I'm just so exhausted.

Narrator: Lucille was setting up for the anniversary party that she didn't expect her husband to attend.
Lucille: Where's the food?
Tobias: [high-pitched voice; British accent] Sorry. Just stuffing the mushroom.
Lindsay: You realize that's Tobias, don't you?
Lucille: If he's gonna raid my closet, he's gonna work for it.