George Sr.: J. Walter Weatherman was in on it, too?
Michael: Right from the very start.
Buster: So you did use him. Look at this place. Look at my home.
Police Officer: Freeze! Drop the gun.
Michael: It's okay. We're just trying to teach this guy a lesson.
J. Water Weatherman: Drop the gun! [gun shot] [Buster screams]
Buster: Oh, my God!
Gob: Buster's good hand just came...
Michael: ...flying off.
Buster: And that's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone.

George Sr.: Get away, I'll shoot! I will! I will! I'll take you all out!
Michael: This is all fake. These guys are painters!
George Sr.: I'll kill you! [gun shot]
J. Water Weatherman: Oh, God, my arm!
Michael: Dad, you just shot off this... this guy's arm.
J. Water Weatherman: And that's why you don't teach your father a lesson.
George Sr.: Now who's the stupid one now? Thank you, Gob.

Narrator: Later that day, Michael went to his parents apartment to talk about the problem he was having with Gob.
Michael: What's going on here?
Lucille: Well, they're painting the whole building, so I'm having the inside done, too. And that goes into storage, right? Not into your apartment.
Decorator: Que?
Lucille: What's Spanish for "I know you speak English"?

Michael: Mom, if you're gonna speak to these guys like this, you might want to sleep with one eye open.
Lucille: Actually, I'll be sleeping at your place. Paint fumes are deadly.
Michael: You know Dad's under house arrest here?
Lucille: It'll be nice to get a break from him, too. Besides, I certainly can't recuperate here.
Michael: Recuperate?
Lucille: I didn't want to worry anyone. It's a routine procedure, very common for women my age.
Michael: I see, the apartment's not the only thing getting a face-lift. Hope you kept your punch card, you're about due for a free one.

Narrator: And Lindsay and Tobias were back with the arbitrator.
Bob Loblaw: As you know, it is very difficult to establish fault in a divorce, but one indicator is fidelity. Now, my client has not pursued sex outside of this marriage.
Tobias: Nor in it.
Bob Loblaw: I got this one.

Narrator: It was the first time someone took Tobias's side-
Tobias: Bob? Bob?
Narrator: ...and he wanted to thank him.
Tobias: Listen, uh as much as I hate losing Lindsay and everything, I feel like I'm making a friend in you. So, I was wondering if maybe tonight you just want to, uh take in a movie, or a shvitz or just stay in and nest.
Bob Loblaw: Actually, I was going to stay in my office tonight and work on my law blog.
Tobias: Of course, the "Bob Loblaw Law Blog." [chuckles] Wow. You, sir, are a mouthful!
Narrator: While Tobias was trying to get his mouth around Bob Loblaw...

Michael: I will kill you!
Gob: I'm going to kill you!
George Sr.: You're going out of frame.
Gob: I will kill you!
[Michael screams as he falls off the balcony]
George Sr.: No!
Gob: Oh, my God! Michael! Dad, it was an accident! I'm so sorry.
Michael: And that's why you don't pit Gob and me against each other.

Michael: This is insane. We're just "Boyfighting" again.
Gob: And for what? A Hefty bagfull of pesos.
Michael: You've been taking pesos?
Gob: Well, Dad said I should.
Michael: Dad's involved with this?
Gob: Well, he chose the location. And the strippers. And the sign. Every part of it, really.
Michael: Wait a minute, don't you see what's happening here? Dad's clearly going ahead with the Colombian deal and he's just laundering it through your banana shack. He pitted us against each other so I'd be too busy to notice. Well, you know what? I think it's time for us to teach Dad a lesson.
Gob: Get the person who terrorized us the most in our childhood?
Michael: She's still healing. Let's get J. Walter Weatherman.

Narrator: George Sr., meanwhile, had grown suspicious of his sons.
George Sr.: What was that with Michael just now?
Gob: He wants to teach you a lesson.
George Sr.: What kind of lesson?
Gob: J. Walter Weatherman lesson. He's going to fake a kidnapping and helicopter ride to Colombia.
George Sr.: He's going to teach me a lesson using my own scare toy?
Gob: The Weatherman wouldn't do it. I think Buster turned him.
George Sr.: Yeah, well, he'll say yes for me. All right, we'll go along with his lesson, but we're going to teach him one of our own. It's got to be a secret, okay? Between a dad and his his favorite son.
Gob: Don't worry, Pop. Gob Bluth doesn't cave.
George Sr.: Yeah, you just did for me.
Gob: Well, you asked me to, so I thought...

Narrator: As children, George Sr. would often provoke the boys to fight one another.
George Sr.: [o.s.] He's calling you a liar.
Young Gob: I don't want your cards, Michael!
Narrator: He believed it created a competitive spirit, which equipped them for the challenges of life.
George Sr.: [o.s.] Let's keep it in frame.
Narrator: He also believed footage of the tussles would be a big hit in the burgeoning home video market. He soon franchised the concept with such titles as: Boyfights 2, A Boyfights Cookout, and Backseat Boyfights: The Trip to Uncle Jack's 70th.