Lucille Austero: Buster.
Buster: My mother's gone away, and I thought, you've always been like a...
Lucille Austero: Girlfriend.
Buster: Not what I was gonna say. Anyways, I was over there, and my friend's over here, and I thought, maybe I should just move in, because I love to hear all about your medications and ailments and whatnot. Is that baby toe of yours still crawling over the others like a weird weed?
Lucille: Buster, how sweet of you to remember.
Buster: Oh, it's one of my night terrors.

Lucille: So you fell out of a chair, and for this, the government gives you applause?
Buster: No, a big hand.
Lucille: I thought I recognized that little son of a bitch. [yells at doctor] This is why you can't keep a job at one hospital!

Lucille: So you can see why I need the testimony of someone who's not a hot mess.
Buster: You're a hot mess!
Lucille: You're a hot mess!

Lucille Austero: But listen, Buster, before I invite you into my arms, my bedroom, my bathtub with the railing, I have to ask you something. Are you sure you're ready for this?
Buster: So, that pretend kid's bedroom, is that not an option?
Lucille Austero: No, that room is all storage now, honey. So, yes or no? Are you ready to let go of your mother?
Narrator: Buster thought he was, although there was one ominous sign.
Buster: I am ready for that, Lucille. [they kiss]
Narrator: Did you hear it?
Lucille Austero: Wait. Did you just drop the "2" after my name?
Buster: [chuckles] I hope not. That would be creepy.
Narrator: Before you accidentally skip back too far and wind up in the middle of the Maeby episode, trust me, no "2" was spoken.

Narrator: He even pretended to be an old college flame of Lucille's to gain admittance.
Buster: Hello.
[the guard goes to see Lucille:]
Lucille: Alex Trebek?
Narrator: She then rephrased it in the form of a question.
Buster: Who is Alex Trebek?
Prison Guard: Buster.
[later, the guard returns:]
Buster: No, Buster. Do you have a pie or a small sponge cake available?
[later, the guard returns with a pie:]
Buster: Thank you. [plants his face in the pie]

Lucille: Why does it have to be so big?
Buster: Well, they said the miniaturization comes later. I mean, you remember how big your first cell phone was.
Lucille: That was a phone. This looks like you're pointing to a place that buys your gold.
Buster: I haven't learned how to control it. They're gonna work with me.

Narrator: Buster was distraught, and made some foolish mistakes.
Buster: Hey, Lupe.
Lupe: Buster.
Narrator: Like this.
Lupe: Are you going to be all right? You want me to stay? I was planning to visit with my family.
Buster: No, and just watch. Mother is going to come waltzing through that door any day now, and she is going to be screaming, "Make sure you frisk that girl before..." I'll be fine. [searches Lupe's bag as he hugs her]
Lupe: That's my perfume.

Buster: Good. Okay, good. She wouldn't wear that.
Narrator: When his father didn't return, either, Buster stuck to his daily routine.
Buster: You're welcome.
Narrator: Laying out Mother's clothes...
Buster: All right. The vodka goes in, you pour it in the other...
Narrator: Making Mother's breakfast.
Buster: The olive on top and then you call your... Mother. This is bugging me.
Narrator: And amusing himself with little jokes he thought she'd appreciate.
Buster: Except for the hair. You have reduced. Well, you're not that skinny. Welcome home, chubs. [laughs] You will kill me for that. And I don't want that blood on my hands.

Narrator: And before long, things had gotten weird.
Buster: Put the olive on top and you set it down for Mother.
Narrator: To an uninformed observer, it looked a little like that Vince Vaughn movie, Psycho.

Michael: Congratulations, Mother. You've managed to combine people's fear of homosexuals and eels into one alibi.
Lucille: And he'll be wearing his Army uniform so I can pretend I'm proud of him again.
Buster: I couldn't find my Army uniform. Oh! But I thought the jury might like it if I show up as John-John Kennedy.
Lucille: Oh, yeah, that went over great last time. And it was offensive. Half your testicle was hanging out of that thing.
Buster: Good! I'm glad they saw it. It was like a Motherboy Ball, right? Hmm?
George Michael: [quietly] Hi. Hi.
Lucille: Put on your new uniform, with long pants. And keep your ball joke to yourself, Andrew Dice Clay.