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‘Courting Disasters’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Arrested Development: Courting Disasters

515. Courting Disasters

Aired March 15, 2019

As Buster's trial gets underway, George Sr. and Lucille realize their star lawyer is anything but. Meanwhile, two familiar faces testify as the prosecution make their case against Buster.

Quote from Lucille

Lottie Dottie: I call to the witness stand Gene Parmesan.
Judge Stanley: Gene Parmesan. Gene Parmesan? Doesn't seem like he's here.
Lottie Dottie: That's impossible. He's a private detective. He'd never be late.
Gene Parmesan: Well, has anyone checked under the new bailiff? [removes fake beard] Gene Parmesan.
Lucille: [shrieks] Gene!
Gene Parmesan: And I swear to tell the truth, so help me God.
Lucille: That never gets old!
Gene Parmesan: I'll tell you something else that never gets old. Whoops. I'm under oath.


Quote from Lucille

Dusty: Do you want me to take it easy on him? Or give it to him hard? I know he's a friend of yours.
Lucille: [scoffs] He's not my friend anymore. Testifying against our family after all the times I faked being surprised by him?
Narrator: So Dusty went after the witness's credibility.
Dusty: Mr. Parmesan, you say you're a master of disguises. How many looks are you capable of creating?
Judge Stanley: You asking me? I'm the judge.
Gene Parmesan: I'm Gene Parmesan.
Lucille: [shrieks]

Quote from Tobias

George Michael: Gosh, I don't really know if we need any acting right now. The stuff we're doing here, it's more about preventing hacking, protecting privacy, and stuff like that.
Murphybrown: Oh, that's kind of what I was trying to stop, too.
Tobias: Yes, Murphybrown here is a bit of a computer whiz. [chuckles] He's worked on cable boxes.
Murphybrown: Yeah, I actually coded, like an extra layer beneath the firewall to keep your data from being exposed. It's like a dam or, like, a a stopper, or a barrier to stop people from...
George Michael: Like a block?
Tobias: Okay. Can we do this in English, Professor?
Murphybrown: Oh, s-sorry, sorry, my Sorry, my fine student. [troupe laughs]
Debrie: I need a diagram.
Tobias: It makes no sense at all. But what he's basically saying is, nobody wants to be naked underneath their underwear. So, one adds an extra layer of protection. It doesn't have to be denim, per se, but everybody wants to hide their privates from something.

Quote from Tobias

George Michael: Well, if you guys were thinking about staying here...
Tobias: [gasps] Oh, thank you so much. I told you he would come through! We cannot move in soon enough for you. [laughs] Some of our happiest days as a family were spent here.
George Michael: Yeah, well, it's not an abandoned office anymore, so there are people doing work out there.
Tobias: Uh-huh. Well, if it's work you require, I suppose we can act it off.
George Michael: Yeah, that's going to be a problem.
Tobias: Well, surely, there must be some, uh, in-house corporate training seminar we could do or or a sexual harassment video. I mean, I'm no Harvey Weinstein, but I'm sure I could produce one.

Quote from George Sr.

Buster: Where is Dusty?
George Sr.: Oh, he wants to make an entrance. I- I think he's gonna come in nice and relaxed. [to Lucille] And thank you again for being a team player on that one. Believe me, the guilt will fade. I mean, I've cheated on you a thousand times. I mean, almost makes up for the permanent damage you did to my endocrine system.

Quote from Gob

Lottie Dottie: Let's remember why we're all here. To honor the life of the most charitable, vibrant, balanced, beautiful woman named Lucille this town has ever known.
Gob: [snorts] Burn. [gavel bangs] It's just that my mother's name is Lucille as well, so the the burn was on her.
Judge Stanley: I'll allow the burn.

Quote from Lucille

Michael: Now, Mom, what in the hell was that? I thought this was Dustin Radler, the fierce trial attorney, the only one who's ever beaten Lottie.
Lucille: Well, as it turns out, the Dustin Radler I've been with is his son.
Michael: Oh, my God, he's a motherboy. There were- There were no hints before today?
Lucille: Just that I only ever seem to create or attract them.

Quote from Lucille

Michael: You got us into this mess. What are you gonna do?
Lucille: All right. I made an awful choice, but did I give you a hard time when you gave all our life rights to Imagine Films to make some TV show? That was somewhat amiss of you.
Michael: Yes, you did. As it turns out, nothing came of that project, which I predicted. Just like I predicted your bet on the DA calling a mistrial wasn't exactly beating the odds. She offered him gum.
Lucille: Okay, I hired a completely incompetent lawyer and put my son's life in the hands of a moron, and I know what you want me to say, Michael. Okay, I'll say it... My bad! [sighs]
Michael: Wow. I don't think that I have heard you apologize since, um, uh, since people used to use that phrase to apologize.

Quote from Tobias

Narrator: As the trial was continuing, Dusty was desperate for any kind of witness.
Tobias: Guys and Dolls...
Narrator: Even one that came with a headshot.
Tobias: I was more than interested to try out to be one of the character witnesses in Buster's trial.
Dusty: Well, Tobias, thank you very much for offering.
Buster: That's very nice.
Tobias: Oh, please. I know the Buster character better than anyone. I could play Buster with one arm tied behind my back. In fact, I've played Buster with two arms tied behind my back. I was handcuffed.
Buster: [chuckles] Now, that's a witness.
Dusty: Um, we don't need you to play Buster on the stand, more just talk about him as a person.
Tobias: Oh. Well, you don't think I'd be more appealing as the accused? I mean, the Buster I played could never kill.

Quote from Tobias

Dusty: Just tell the story the way you told it to me earlier today. Beginning with what you were doing the night of the murder. [gasps] [grunts] Alleged murder. Alleged.
Tobias: Yes, yes. [takes deep breath] It was Cinco de Cuatro!
Dusty: No, no, no, I'm I'm gonna stop you there. I still feel you're acting.
Tobias: Really?
Dusty: A little. I do.
Tobias: Huh. So, just no script at all? Just vérité? Okay. Well, uh, here it is with nothing. I needed somebody to play a part in my "Fantastic" - for legal purposes, I can't say the rest of it - musical, and Buster happily filled in.

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