Michael Bluth Quotes Page 1 of 20    

Quote from iAmigos!

Lucille: So, I gotta a call today from Gene Parmesan, our private eye. He said he found something big.
Michael: We have a private eye, huh?
Lucille: Oh, I hired him a hundred years ago to find out if your father was cheating on me. He never did find anything.
Michael: Well, he can't be very good then.

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Quote from Good Grief

George Michael: That was great.
Michael: Well, I meant it. So no more secret trips up to the attic. Right?
Narrator: George Michael didn't want to betray his grandfather, but it appeared his father already knew the truth.
George Michael: I have Pop-Pop in the attic.
Michael: What?! The mere fact that you call making love "pop-pop" tells me you're not ready.

Quote from The Cabin Show

Michael: You seem more villainous than usual, Mom. Are you sober?
Lucille: Michael, it's 8:00 a.m.
Michael: So it's not that.

Quote from For British Eyes Only

Michael: I will give it one day, all right? I'll see if there's any evidence of these nefarious Brits, but I'm warning you, if I can't, we're pleading guilty. And you're either going back to jail or, if the judge shows absolutely no mercy at all, you'll be staying here with my mother.

Quote from Emotional Baggage

Michael: It never made sense, because, you know, he doesn't fit in with those people, and I think that George Michael and I are gonna be closer than ever. He's gonna need a father... still needs a father. The only mother figure he's ever had in his life was...
Gob: Oh, it was Mom.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Huh, poor kid.
Gob: I can't imagine.
Michael: Nor can I.
Gob: Wait, we had Mom.
Michael: You know, in a way, she was our mom.

Quote from Check Mates

George Michael: Well, maybe we're gonna end up together in the banana stand someday.
Michael: Mm. Well, there's always money in the banana stand.
George Michael: Right.
Michael: Where is that from? Is that from something?

Quote from Whistler's Mother

Narrator: Michael was preparing for a meeting with the Bluth Company board to decide what to do with some recently unfrozen funds.
Lindsay: Wow. Exciting, huh? Finally getting some money.
Michael: What do you want, Lindsay?
Lindsay: I'd like some of that money.
Michael: Well, this money is for land. Okay? We're not gonna burn through it like Dad did when he was in charge. With his bad investments, and his corrupt dealings... Mother's neck.
Lindsay: No, that was a good investment.
Michael: It is easier to look at now, isn't it?

Quote from The One Where Michael Leaves

Narrator: This is Michael Bluth. Right now he's taking his son, George Michael, to start a new life in Arizona.
Michael: Phoenix, Arizona, huh? This is it, boy. We are free. We're gonna follow our dreams, you know? And the best part of it? Not workin' for the family anymore.
George Michael: Yeah, but don't- don't you always say "family first"?
Michael: Yes, I do. But that is not a family, okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay.
George Michael: She's not my real aunt?
Michael: Not a real nose. Got a picture of her when she's 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.

Quote from The One Where Michael Leaves

Lindsay: Michael, maybe the reason why you always come back is because you need us more than we need you.
Michael: Oh, that's rich. Huh. I need you. All right, I'll tell you what. Mom, you're always asking me to help you look after Buster. You can find somebody else. I hope she doesn't kill you.
Buster: I'll kill her first.
Michael: And good luck trying to find someone else to run the business, by the way. Gob, instead of always coming to me asking me for money saying, "I've made a huge mistake", you can bail yourself out next time.
Gob: [chuckles] I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?
Michael: Lindsay, instead of sleeping in twin beds, you and your husband take the master bedroom. It's not like you've never come to me with your marital problems saying, "Oh, help me, Michael. I think my husband might be a"- [horn blares]
Tobias: Oh! Well- It's-
Michael: Here we go.

Quote from The Cabin Show

Narrator: Michael Bluth began his day with something he'd never seen before.
Man: [on TV] I'm hearing good things about the Bluth Company. What do you think?
Narrator: Good news about his family's housing business.
Jim Cramer: [on TV] Old Man Bluth's in jail. I think his son is running the company. Doesn't seem like a total moron to me. You know what? I've had this thing as a triple sell, and I am upgrading it, right here, right now! I think this thing could even go as high as a "Don't Buy."
Michael: "Don't Buy!" Huh? Mom, did you see that?
Jim Cramer: [on TV] Don't buy Bluth!

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