Lucille: Why do you think he'd be at the mall?
George Sr.: Well, the last time Buster ran away, he came here. And this is where his favorite stores are. There's Drink-A-Juice and there's Paint-A-Plate and Build-A-Bear and... [train whistle blows] Oh, there's a tiny train. Now, admittedly, he's not 28 anymore, but...
Lucille: No, you're right. But don't you think he would've smelled me by now?
George Sr.: Oh, good point. Maybe the Popcorn Plantation is masking your scent. Ooh, we gotta get you out of the food court.

Oscar: Yeah. Are you hungry? 'Cause there's some dried food out there that's still technically everybody's.
Buster: You don't think we should wait until the store closes? I mean, we're technically in their display.
Oscar: Okay, here's what we do. When I go out, you just be still, and if anyone looks in, you pretend like you're a mannequin. Can you do that?
Buster: You're looking at a boy who faked a coma for two weeks to get out of a spelling bee.
Oscar: I thought that was to get out of testifying.
Buster: No, that was a three-month coma.
Oscar: Hey, before I go, if something happens out there, and I get caught and I don't come back, I just want to tell you that this this being with you has been ah, it's been... [takes a deep breath] I cherish it. My son. [Buster is acting like a mannequin] All right, fine. Be that way.

Tobias: A real lady lets it itch. She doesn't jam two fingers... [door opens] [high-pitched] Voices up. [clears throat] Hi, I'm Mrs. Featherbottom.
[Theme from The Golden Girls plays]
♫ Thank you for being a friend ♫
Murphybrown: [high-pitched] I'm Bev.
♫ Traveled down a road and back again ♫
Debrie: [high-pitched] And I'm Mrs. Bettywhite.
♫ Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidant ♫
Tobias: We're just three 56-year-old women looking for a place to rest our weary asses.
Maeby: Oh, [bleep]. [Tobias giggles]

Michael: I got an idea for you two. Why don't you just try being honest with the Chinese?
George Sr.: In what way?
Michael: You tell them the truth, Dad.
Lucille: What truth is that?
Michael: You made a mistake. You lost the money. You feel bad. Nothing you can do. You hope they understand.
Lucille: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Buster: And did you notice that banner? It said, "Welcome Home From Prison Again, Buster." I mean, it's like, did they expect me to come home from prison?
Oscar: Yeah. I think they were just being ironic. I mean, it's like a...
Buster: Oh.
Oscar: A not-surprise party.
Buster: Like if Buster was coming home, he'd expect a surprise party, so it wouldn't be a surprise. Since he's in jail, we're gonna throw a party and not tell him since there won't be guests.
Oscar: Yep.
Buster: [chuckles] Well, I am surprised she went through all that trouble. Oh, so I guess it worked.

Buster: You know, maybe we could check out that popcorn place. Am I crazy, or am I smelling popcorn and Chanel No. 5 butter?

Michael: So you spent Chinese money that you cannot return, and you wanted me to look in the books, so that I would do the right thing for the family and offer to sell off Sudden Valley? The only thing that you cannot sell off without me, right? And then what, you give the money to the Chinese?
Lucille: We just wanted to tell them where we were first going to build a a model wall, a prototype.
George Sr.: By that time, there will have been the election, and Hillary doesn't want a wall.
Michael: Yes, that is a good point.
Lucille: I wish her voice weren't so grating. Oh, that voice! Shrillary. [cackles]

Oscar: My right, your right.
Buster: My right, my left. I remember there's a hardware store - my left, your right - or a Build-A-Bear I used to go to, but that was, like... Let me think, Justin Be-Bear is seven... that was, like, seven years ago.
Oscar: Your left, my right.

Buster: These are stage manacles. We were in a play.
Man: Well, if they're from a play, they're probably not even locked.
Oscar: What?
Man: Have you guys even tried, uh, just unclamping?
Oscar: Are you kidding me? [both laugh]
Buster: We didn't even check.
Narrator: Ironically, finding out they weren't shackled was a bonding moment for the men.
Buster: That would've saved time when we were trying to get the pants over our heads.

Oscar: What's good about this is they're looking for two guys who are manacled together on the run.
Buster: Ah.
Oscar: The Inside-Outside Bandits.
Buster: So are we saying that it's safer to go our separate ways? Is that what you're saying?
Oscar: I guess so. But, I mean, where will you go?
Buster: Well, realistically I could sniff out Mother somehow, but she wouldn't want me. Maybe I'm better in prison. I'm no good on my own.