Narrator: But unfortunately, their 30 year passive-aggressive dance was losing some of its passive.
Lucille: As if everybody in this room couldn't tell how jealous and conniving you are, my dear Lucille Austero.
Lucille Austero: What I knew was that you were stealing for years. We all did! That's why nobody was surprised when you stole that boat.
Lucille: And I knew you couldn't wait to get your liver-spotted claws into my company!
Lucille Austero: Says the woman whose liver can be spotted from outer space!
Lucille: No further questions!
Lucille Austero: No further answers! Am I done?

Narrator: And Lucille Bluth crossed paths with Lucille Austero.
Lucille Austero: Lucille? Lucille! Well, aren't you something? Oh! Showing up here without your husband. Shame be damned. Caution to the wind. [chuckles]
Lucille: That's so sweet, darling. I'm here to support you. You're the one who's all alone and likely to stay that way. My husband's just a phone call away.
Lucille Austero: That's one call per day, isn't it? Gee, I should think he'd wanna save that for his lawyer.
Lucille: At least he's in prison, not an urn.
Lucille Austero: [both cackles] You are so deliciously witty.
Lucille: Oh, aren't we having fun?
Narrator: The other Lucille also suffers from severe vertigo.

Narrator: The next day, Buster decided it was time to deal with the situation with Lucille Austero.
Buster: I've already got a Lucille in my life.
Lucille Austero: I understand. That's healthy.
Buster: I didn't mean to lead you on.
Lucille Austero: Oh, Buster. I feel so foolish.
Buster: No.
Lucille Austero: Yes. I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy. Am I needy?
Buster: No.
Lucille Austero: Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes.

Narrator: And Lucille found a way to force a wedge into her son's relationship.
Lucille: Lucille, guess who's coming to dinner? I've invited Carl to dine with us next Tuesday.
Buster: Mother, you know I have class on Tuesday.
Lucille: Oh, how silly of me. Well, then perhaps the two of you can have dinner alone.
Carl Weathers: Oh, well, I never say no to dinner, with a beautiful lady that is.
Lucille Austero: Do you like ham?
Carl Weathers: No. I love it. [both laugh]

Lucille Austero: I am stable as a table. So, is there a- a girl in your life?
Buster: [chuckles] Well, I would hardly call my mother a girl. But, yeah, she's still very much a part of my life.
Lucille Austero: No, I mean, uh, someone who makes you hear music.
Buster: Oh. Well, she mostly likes talk radio.
Lucille Austero: I mean, a girl who makes you feel romantic and also who makes you hear beautiful music.
Buster: Oh. [laughs] No.

Narrator: And at another table, Gob was being taken out to lunch.
Lucille Austero: Read me the appetizers again.
Gob: [deep voice] Fried cheese with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp with club sauce. Chicken fingers-
Lucille Austero: Oh, stop it. You're making me dizzy.
Gob: With spicy club sauce.
Lucille Austero: No! I mean stop it.

Narrator: This is Lucille 2, a long-time patron of the Bluth family.
Sally Sitwell: I'll be downstairs, kicking myself for not marrying you so many years ago.
Lucille Austero: Michael, do you have something for me?
Michael: Does bad news count?
Lucille Austero: There's that Bluth wit. Oh, I love your family.
Narrator: She certainly had demonstrated that with many of the men in the family. Even having fallen for a few, although some of that was the vertigo she suffered from. But not all of it.
Michael: Dad?
George Sr.: No, no.
Narrator: But seriously, she had gotten intimate with Buster and Gob.

Narrator: Because Lindsay could only spend so many hours with a shrill, feathered creature
Lucille Austero: [squawks] You look marvelous in that! Look.
Lindsay: I can't believe how I've missed the feel of anything that isn't hemp.
Lucille Austero: And try this on. Isn't that funny? I used to wear that with the Captain. And I was...
Lindsay: Tennille?
Lucille Austero: And not make eye contact, yes! Oh, what am I gonna do, cut it down for my foster child?
Narrator: That is what she wanted to do, until he threatened to call Social Services.

Narrator: And while his days were spent trying to get his mother to love him...
Lucille Austero: Ooh, Buster! You're just in time.
Narrator: ...his nights were consumed with getting his lover to mother him.
Lucille Austero: I hope you are in the mood for a hot tomato.
Buster: Soup? With little grilled cheese sandwiches on the side.
Lucille Austero: Buster, that was innuendo.
Buster: Oh.
Lucille Austero: My Lord, it's like we're speaking different languages here.
Buster: No, it's not. It is working. I'm getting hungry.
Lucille Austero: For love?
Buster: No, is this another one of those nights where nothing is as it seems and there's no cream pie for dessert?

Lucille Austero: Holy Toledo, Buster, sometimes I think I'm nothing but a Horn & Hardart to you.
Buster: Ugh. What happened to innuendo? Let's do it quick.
Lucille Austero: It's an old restaurant.
Buster: Oh! A restaurant! I don't care if it's old! Look who I'm dating! Let's go there. Let's go there now.
Lucille Austero: Buster, you can either be a son or a lover. And right now, you're no good to me as a lover.
Buster: Maybe you're right. Maybe this has been wrong from the start. So... Mom.
Lucille Austero: Out.