Narrator: Gob had just blown up a car.
Gob: The next thing I know, I'm running for my life. And all I could think was, if something were to ever happen to me how sad I'd be, you know?

Narrator: Michael Bluth was working at home when his son made a curious request.
George Michael: Dad, would anyone miss this Peter and the Wolf read-along record?
Michael: No. Actually, I think that's part of the model home decorations. Why?
George Michael: You're right. My girlfriend Ann wants to have a Christian music bonfire here.
Michael: That sounds like some mild fun. I think we've got some Christmas music.
George Michael: Oh, no. It's not- It's not a "Christian music" bonfire. It's a Christian "music bonfire." You know, we burn all satanic music. The thing is, though, the only music I have is either instructional or humor.
Narrator: He'd been particularly fond of a CD of something called The Jerky Boys.
[flashback:]
Michael: [answers phone] Hello.
George Michael: Hey, nitz. Hey, jerky. I wanna buy a house, Dad. It's gotta be big.
Michael: You- You said "Dad," buddy.
George Michael: Shut up, jerky.

Lindsay: Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did "nothing" cancel?
Lindsay: All right. I need to borrow a fur.
Michael: I thought you were anti-fur, Lindsay. Weren't you protesting some hunter gun thing yesterday?
Lindsay: I stopped by. I hadn't chosen a side.
[flashback:]
Lindsay: Murderers! You're all murderers!

Gob: Smooth, Michael like her father's head, chest, arms, legs and ass.
Michael: What are you talkin' about?
Gob: He's hairless, Michael. It's a condition. I mean, I hate the guy, but at least he's got [bleep]. Satiny and smooth probably.
Michael: I'm just different than you, Gob. You know, I'm not gonna siphon gas, you know, out of some girl's car like you used to in high school just so you can show up and say, "Car troubles?"
Gob: It's called taking advantage. It's what gets you ahead in life.

Michael: Hey, Mom. I need to borrow your country club card. There's a friend I have that has lunch there often I'd like to run into.
Lucille: Sounds like you're asking for a favor.
Michael: And I know what that's gonna cost me. I'm willing to bid on you.
Lucille: I'll give you the money. Start at five grand. If there are other bidders, back off gracefully. Shout out, "I get her 364 days a year for free!" or something.
Michael: You're not gonna hear that phrase.

Michael: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go work in the banana stand.
Lindsay: And I'm gonna see if I can get a wrench to strip my nuts. [Michael and Lucille are silent] I was trying to be sexy. It just got away from me.

Narrator: Michael went to check on his fugitive father who was living in the attic.
George Sr.: You heard my call?
Narrator: Have you been doing that all over town? Because people think there's a wolf on the loose.
George Sr.: Yes, there is a wolf on the loose. His name is Oscar. Tell me he's not gonna be bidding on your mother at that charity auction with my money.
Michael: Is that why you called me up here, Dad? Because you are a fugitive, and as far as she knows, you're in another country.
George Sr.: It's driving me crazy. They're parading in public. My back is-is- it's in knots. I haven't had a massage since prison.
Michael: Hope that was forced.
George Sr.: But then I found a way to fix my back in this old catalog. Look at this hot tub. I could use it for so many things. It could be my, you know, water supply. And those, uh, premade boil-in-bag meals... You just toss those in there.

Narrator: And at another table, Gob was being taken out to lunch.
Lucille Austero: Read me the appetizers again.
Gob: [deep voice] Fried cheese with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp with club sauce. Chicken fingers-
Lucille Austero: Oh, stop it. You're making me dizzy.
Gob: With spicy club sauce.
Lucille Austero: No! I mean stop it.

Narrator: In fact, the increased activity on Michael's card was his father's.
Worker: You think a hot tub is the best thing for someone with your condition?
George Sr.: I can't see, but, uh, I didn't know there was a doctor installing this.
Steve Holt: Somebody order a case of Bag & Boil frozen dinners?

Narrator: Michael's father had just installed a hot tub in the attic.
Michael: What happened to you?
George Sr.: I tried to drink some of the water and it was too hot, and it tasted like soy sauce. I think the teriyaki chicken burst.
Michael: That's why people typically don't cook in these things or install them in attics.
George Sr.: You gotta get it out of here, Mikey. My eyes, they're burning.
Michael: Wanna thank you for charging it to my credit card. You made me look very foolish in front of Sally Sitwell.
George Sr.: Did you stick it to her?
Michael: No, I didn't. You screwed that up, just like you screwed up this hot tub. Is that veal Marsala stuck in the intake?
George Sr.: They all look so good on the boxes.