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Mr. F

‘Mr. F’

Season 3, Episode 5 -  Aired November 7, 2005

Gob tries to trick a group of Japanese investors by building a model village where the housing development should be. Meanwhile, Tobias mistakes a CIA agent for a talent agent offering him a part, while George Sr. plots another escape.

Quote from George Michael

George Michael: A suit! Dad, it's a Jack Welch!
Michael: I want you to look under the pants.
George Michael: Quicken! Premier! Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
Michael: You want to return that?
George Michael: What? No, I want to deduct it.


Quote from George Sr.

Narrator: Later that day, Michael went into the office to find the rest of his family.
Larry: Well, look who's finally gracing us with his presence.
Michael: What's the surrogate doing here?
Larry: We're meeting with the lawyers...
George Sr.: [into headset] So I've hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
Michael: You know, Dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
Larry: He's worth every penny.
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't say that.

Quote from Tobias

Michael: Hey, what happened to you?
Tobias: Oh, I got highlights. It'll blend in in about a week.
Michael: Yeah, I actually meant the collapse.
Tobias: Oh, I don't know. It probably has something to do with the 4,000 hair plugs I had in one sitting.
Michael: Maybe you ought to see a doctor.

Quote from Tobias

Tobias: You missed a spot. Anyway, we should be looking at some big yen coming in from the Japanese. And when it does, I'm taking my gym buddy out to dinner. Ha, I barely even know you! Who's Frank?
Frank: Well, I've been wanting to talk to you about that, but it's a little awkward.
Tobias: Oh, well I've been wanting to have my own awkward talk as well.
Frank: I think we can be more than just gym buddies.
Tobias: You're blowing my mind, Frank.
Frank: I'm an agent, and I'd like to work with you.
Tobias: Oh. Oh. Well, this is great news, okay, good. I'm so glad you went first. What agency are you with?
Narrator: Frank said "CIA," a government agency that was responsible for this catastrophe. But Tobias thought he said "CAA," a talent agency which was responsible for this one.

Quote from Maeby

Narrator: Actually, she had already gotten one, as the movie she'd released in her secret life as a studio executive was losing money. But Maeby had a way to fix that.
Maeby: We turn it into a ride.
Mort Meyers: A ride?
Maeby: On the Studio Tour. What used to be the "Hell Tunnel," now becomes the "Tunnel of Love, Indubitably."
Mort Meyers: But didn't some people die in "Hell Tunne"?
Maeby: That is an urban legend. Two elderly people got badly scalded when they tried to climb into the lava cauldron. But I've got that covered.
Mort Meyers: They're just like the poster!

Quote from Lucille

Michael: We'll just have to be honest with these Japanese investors. They, uh, come from a culture that values honor and respect.
Gob: And Godzilla! [roars]
Buster: God-zirra! [roars]
George Sr.: God-zirra! [roars]
Michael: This needs to stop now. This is exactly what we shouldn't do when they show up. [Lucille groans] Mom, that's enough.
Lucille: What? We're out of vodka.
Michael: Sorry. Thought you were doing Godzilla. [Lucille shrieks] Mom, that's enough.
Lucille: What? I'm laughing.

Quote from Gob

Gob: Okay, maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies: build a miniature city. Put it outside the window. Tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters. What do you think, Dad? A whole tiny town?
Larry: Another brilliant idea, Einstein.
Gob: Really? You'd like to build it with me?
George Sr.: Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm.
Larry: It's a stupid idea.
Buster: Uh, I'll build it with you, Gob.
Gob: Oh, great. That's another brilliant idea, Steinberg.

Quote from George Sr.

Bob Loblaw: I agree with Michael. If you take money from these people under false pretenses, you'll be committing fraud. The government's already watching your father pretty closely. They're going through his mail. They want to put your father in prison for good.
George Sr.: [into headset] Yeah, Bob's right. We've got to start thinking practically. Life is not some cheesy Japanese movie where the hero pulls on a pair of jet pants...
Larry: And flies off the balcony like Astro Boy.
Narrator: And that's when George Sr. did a Web search for the words "jet pants."
[George Sr.'s search is auto-corrected to "jet packs"]
George Sr.: Even better.

Quote from Buster

Buster: She's a spy!
Michael: Rita is not a spy, okay? She's a beautiful, elegant woman. It doesn't make any sense.
Gob: What doesn't make any sense is why she's dating you.
Bob Loblaw: No, that's a good point. Actually my sources tell me that the leak goes by the name "Mr. F."
Michael: Ah. "Mr. F." Rita's not a man.
Gob: As far as you know.
Lucille: And it could be an alias.
Buster: Alias is a show about a spy!

Quote from George Michael

Narrator: The next morning, Michael was heading out for his day with Rita.
Michael: George Michael.
George Michael: I love my present, Dad. I'd wear it to school, but who needs a "Welch wedge," right? That's when they-
Michael: Enough business. In fact, I got you another present. It's something I saw yesterday when I was out with Rita. It's time for us to start having some fun.
George Michael: I don't know "Fun" and "Failure" both start out the same way.
Michael: Well, let's just go ahead and rip this down.
[Michael tears down an "inspirational" poster reading "Fun and failure both start the same way" to reveal a movie poster for Cousins Dangereux]

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