Maeby: Well, that explains why Maeby's credit cards aren't working.
George Michael: Maeby's credit cards?
Maeby: Oh, sorry. The minute I put the teeth in, I become a completely different person. [chuckles] Speaking of which, there's your solution. We both have alter egos, and I think it's about time we killed them off. What do you say? George Maharis can have a heart attack. Maeby gets hit by a bus.
George Michael: You're killing off Maeby?
Maeby: Yup, see you.
George Michael: I know Annette can be forgetful, but she remembers Maeby is the dominant personality, right?
Maeby: Hey, I got a pretty sweet setup here. Okay? I finally got rid of my beloved Stan. He's in the hospital, massive head injury. Free rent. New neighbors every six to eight months. Also, Maeby doesn't even have a high school diploma. Not a good move, given the world my generation is leaving hers.
George Michael: I'm glad it's easy for you, but me and George Maharis have the same teeth. [Maeby chuckles] People are gonna figure it out. If I'm not arrested for fraud, I'll be in debt for life. I'm gonna end up in my old bedroom.
Maeby: Yeah. It's six o'clock. I'm already an hour and a half late for dinner. And I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but, uh... Annette, she like-a the pasta, hmm? [sings] How did you ever find me?

Tobias: All right, look, we're in a bad situation here. But, I've been jammed with bigger things in tighter spots than this.

George Michael: I was this close to telling Rebel the whole truth: that you fired everyone months ago, and the thing is a fraud. Then we open the doors, and the place is abuzz. She totally bought it. She wants to invest now.
I don't know how you did it, but it was great. You got people there for the day.
Maeby: I didn't hire anybody for the day.
George Michael: Then where did those people come from? The place was wall-to-wall nerds.
Maeby: Yeah, this is making sense. Those people that you saw didn't come in for the day. They never left. Remember when I said I fired everybody? What I did was, I asked Joan in HR to fire everybody for me. And then, so I didn't have to make two phone calls, I fired her there on the spot.
George Michael: So you fired the person in charge of...
Maeby: Firing. Yes. So, you know, you fire the person in HR last. That's the lesson here. But, hey, this is how you learn in business, am I right?
George Michael: You mean we're still somehow paying these people?
Maeby: Well, we're not paying Joan in HR. Gotta give me credit for that one.

Michael: Look, you know, this was our dream, right? To work together? Do you remember all the dreaming we did?
George Michael: Yeah.
Michael: Have lunch together. Work out in the late afternoon.
George Michael: That's right, we were gonna put a weight room in the back office.
Michael: You know it, yeah. Drive home together, shower up, grab dinner, PJs on, teeth brushed.
George Michael: A little TV.
Michael: A little bit of TV, sure, and then a little kiss good night and off to bed. You know, I am just realizing that I'm still picturing you as a ten-year-old.
George Michael: I think I was mainly trying to engineer a way to stay up late and watch The Tom Green Show.
Michael: Mm, yeah, see, I don't get the new guys.

Narrator: George Michael was showing his cousin the new Fakeblock offices.
George Michael: He wants me to help him print things, and I...
Maeby: I will say the other place had more of a tech start-up vibe.
George Michael: Yeah, but the fraud part of the company will be more at home here, you know?
Maeby: Yeah.
George Michael: If these walls could only testify, huh?

Maeby: I don't understand the problem. I thought Rebel said she was gonna buy the company.
George Michael: Well, I'm not gonna sell a bogus company to my girlfriend.
Maeby: Why not? It's the perfect way to end a terrible relationship.
George Michael: It's not terrible. It's- It's a great relationship.
Maeby: Yes, but it won't be once you sell her a shitty company. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You're more impossible to talk to than Annette.
George Michael: You talk to Annette?
Maeby: No. But Stan does. And as much as we try to infuriate him, he won't get the hint. What do I gotta do, hit him on the head? But, next thing you know, he's back from the hospital.
George Michael: So you actually did hit him?
Maeby: Yeah, just with a wine bottle, but it wasn't open. I guess I could do it again, but I just can't send him back to the ER again, you know? Three times in one week. People are gonna start asking, you know, elderly abuse? [sighs] Which apparently is a real thing. I guess all old people are this annoying.

Gob: Anyway, I'm just stopping by here 'cause this is where my e-mail comes.
Maeby: You could check your e-mail anywhere.
Gob: Uh, yeah, e-mail, but this is g-mail. I got a guy down here on the third floor to set it up for me, and then when we moved to the fourth, I was like, screw it, I'll just come down here to check it, 'cause I don't want wires going everywhere.
George Michael: You can actually use your phone for that.
Gob: Yeah, and I could use a pigeon. But for this particular task, I've chosen e-mail. [grunts] Anyway, I sent my résumé out, and the only firm that's gotten back to me is the gang over at Mailer Daemon. Aw, damn it! God, missed him again. It seems like they write me back every time I step away from this thing. Well, on the other hand, this is on them, 'cause I made it clear that I was looking for a three-day-a-week president job, and why why... [laughing, stammering] [breathy laughing] [exhaling repeatedly] Why- Why- When- When- What kind of when- What?
George Michael: You're looking for a president job?
Maeby: I'll be damned, it is a he.
Gob: Who e-mails back- What? At Wednesday at nap?

Argyle Austero: Now, do as you're told, and you will have made some very powerful friends. In case you ever need a favor.
Gob: Austero. Yes, I think I was shacking up with your ex-wife.
Argyle Austero: She was my sister.
Gob: My apologies. Think I was shacking up with your sister.
Argyle Austero: Maybe he is gay.

Michael: Well, George Michael, you've always been such a funny little guy, you know. Of course it make sense now, you being a computer genius. Speaking of which, question: I'm trying to gather as much capital as possible to help out Dad, but I think that they're hiding something. I mean, they've got secret bookkeeping, and, um, came across this file here called "Gated Community." Each time I try to print it, I get this root warning, you know-
George Michael: Well, the warning doesn't look like it came from a normal printer, actually.
Michael: It's not, no, I sent it to the Smile Maker. It's a dental printer.
George Michael: Okay. That explains that toothbrush next to the warning sign. And you see how they spelled "byte" without a y. No, this is for dentists.
Michael: Listen to you. This is why you have a billion-dollar software company and your old man has to hit "popcorn" on the microwave any time I want to heat something up.
George Michael: You hit "heat," then hit "time," then...
Michael: Mine does not work that way. But popcorn sounds good. Let's go make some of that. Come on.

Narrator: Later that day, Michael heard a noise coming from his son's old bedroom and was surprised to discover that, this time, it was his son.
Michael: It's you. What are you doing in your bedroom?
George Michael: Playing a game where I just throw the tennis ball against the wall and try and catch it. And then if I miss it, I... Uh, feel pretty bad and beat myself up, and then I kind of try and move past that and get back on the horse.
Michael: Okay. Son, I- I meant, what what what are you doing back in your old room?
George Michael: Um, that's just a minor regression. Well, I guess I was actually just trying to go back to a simpler time. When I was a young boy and all I cared about were simple things like what does it take to be a good citizen and am I gonna be able to fall asleep tonight, or am I getting myself too wound up about this good citizen stuff?