Previous Episode Next Episode 
Shock and Aww

‘Shock and Aww’

Season 1, Episode 14 - Aired March 7, 2004

George Michael has feelings for his ethics teacher, Ms. Baerly (Heather Graham). George Sr. gets a visit from a female fan, Cindi Lightballoon (Jane Lynch). Meanwhile, Gob tries to get back at Michael for his relationship with Marta.

Quote from Lindsay

Narrator: Meanwhile, Lindsay was helping George Michael with his homework.
Lindsay: Oh, come on, let's do something. It's just a stupid essay.
George Michael: No, I can't. I don't want to let down Ms. Baerly. She's nice, you know. And she's interesting-
Lindsay: And pretty?
George Michael: Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't really say to your dad.
Lindsay: Ah. Sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher.
Narrator: Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother.
Lindsay: There's nothing wrong with that. Although, I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me.
George Michael: You're my aunt.
Lindsay: [scoffs] That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're gonna find the right woman to fill that role. But until then, I'll be right across the hall.
Narrator: Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life.
George Michael: Yikes.


Quote from Michael

Michael: What are you doing?
George Michael: It's my ethics essay. I'm supposed to write 200 words on the morality of war whether a preemptive strike is ever justified.
Michael: Absolutely. It's preemptive, you know, happens before something else. So if you can predict aggression and you wanna squash it... I don't know why you're not typing? This is all good.
George Michael: I'm not sure if my ethics teacher would love if I cheated on my essay.
Michael: Well, you just passed my ethics test.

Quote from Buster

Michael: Buster!
Buster: Hey, Brother.
Michael: [sighs] I don't think us sleeping together is working out. You're a grown man. You should be living with your mother.
Buster: Yeah, I miss Mom.
Michael: I can tell.

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: Michael. I need you to do something about my son.
Michael: I totally agree, Mom. Buster goes home, we flip the mattress, this never happened.
Lucille: Not Buster. Read this.
Michael: Did you and Dad adopt a child?
Lucille: The S.E.C. was onto us. Your father thought it would make us look charitable. He must have forged my signature.
[flashback to Lucille in the living room as Buster sits at the dining table next to a plate of cottage cheese:]
Lucille: Well, maybe I'll get a son who will finish his cottage cheese! [signs document]

Quote from Michael

Lucille: You've got to get me out of this.
Michael: I'll call Social Services, but you must take Buster back.
Lucille: Okay.
Michael: Great.
Lucille: But I'm not taking care of him either. I don't have the milk of mother's kindness in me anymore.
Michael: Yeah, that udder's been dry for a while now, hasn't it? Kind of?

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: [on the phone] Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least, I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you can even tell.
Michael: Yeah, Mom. I just spoke to Social Services and although they don't like to do this if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child and I would suggest saying what you just said to me, don't change a word - they will take him back.
Lucille: Uh, don't get too comfortable. Shoes on, mister! Shoes on! He's out of control.

Quote from Lucille

Buster: I'm back. Who's that?
Annyong: Annyong.
Lucille: This is "Annyong," who your father and I have adopted.
Buster: What, I'm gone for a couple days and you find a new son?
Narrator: Lucille could see that her son was concerned, even jealous. And she knew how it felt to be overlooked.
Lucille: Yes. Annyong is your brother now.
Annyong: Annyong.
Lucille: Yes, Annyong. Excuse me. [on the phone] Oh, Michael? Call it off. I'm keeping him.

Quote from Gob

Gob: Wow, Michael. I'm really touched that you'd stick up for me after I've been so horrible to you.
Michael: Huh?
Gob: You know what? Now it's time for me to do the right thing. I slept with the ethics teacher. I'm sorry.
Michael: What are you talking about?
Gob: Lindsay told me that you liked her and I'm not proud of this but I Mrs. Whitehead.
Narrator: In fact, Gob mistook the civics teacher for the ethics teacher Michael was dating.
Gob: Man, he has a type.
Michael: Gob, Mrs. Whitehead was the civics teacher. We both had her.
Gob: Yes, we have. And now we're even.

Quote from George Michael

Narrator: In fact, George Michael had developed a hopeless crush on his ethics teacher, a woman named Beth Baerly.
Beth Baerly: Even minor crimes are punishable by brutally chopping off the offender's hand.
George Michael: Mmm. No ring.

Quote from George Sr.

Narrator: And George Sr. was about to get a surprise visitor.
Cindi Lightballoon: Mr. Bluth? I'm Cindi Lightballoon. I've studied all your teachings, and I've purchased every tape. And I watch 'em over and over.
Narrator: George Sr. had recently marketed a line of self-help tapes touting his newly discovered spirituality.
Cindi Lightballoon: I've also lost four pounds on your low-carb Bluth Banana Jail Bars. [chuckles] I've come to learn at your feet.
George Sr.: That's a good place to start.

Page 2