TV Quotes

Narrator: And now wishing he'd actually packed the bag, George Michael aimlessly headed out onto the campus where, as fate would have it, he ran into his beeping uncle.
George Michael: [bleep]. What are you doing here?
Gob: I was in the neighborhood. I happened to remember how much you love bologna.
George Michael: Huh?
Gob: So, yeah, I just I found this great ShopRite and I just thought, "You know who's got to have a taste of this, "is young George Michael."
Narrator: He didn't think George Michael liked bologna. He was trying to correct a bad impression he felt he might have made with his nephew a few nights earlier.
George Michael: My God, Uncle Gob, what is this?
Gob: Can't lie to you, George Michael, it's a Forget-Me-Now. I wanted you to forget what happened at that magic club. I was embarrassed.
George Michael: If you don't want me to tell anyone about it, I won't.
Gob: I'm such a fool. I go to those things too quickly. Really, it's just the age we live in, isn't it? Take a pill to forget your problems. Take a pill to go to sleep. And take a pill to forget your problems. Need an erection, take a pill. Need to forget your problems, take a pill. Take a pill and your problems are forgotten. Take a pill. What an age we live in. It's great, isn't it?

Gob: Boy, am I glad you're here. I need money and it's not for what you think, for a magic show or a bee colony. It's to pay the builders I hired to start building the fake wall between Mexico and America.
George Sr.: Shh. Are you crazy? Lucille 2 is around here.
Gob: Well, don't worry about Lucille 2. I'll handle her. It's just that I need to pay the Chinese.
George Sr.: Wait, wait. You hired Chinese?
Gob: Well, I figured, who better than the Chinese to build a wall? But, no, I couldn't afford them, so I hired, um... They're technically Mongols, I guess. They're the people that they built the wall to try to keep out.
George Sr.: How many- How many did you hire?
Gob: A horde. That's the minimum. They don't come in anything less than a horde.
George Sr.: So you hired a Mongol horde.
Gob: Look, Dad, I just... If they don't get their money soon, they're gonna be really mad and then they're gonna have a major Mongolian beef with us. There they are.
George Sr.: We don't have any money.
Gob: Well, he says that we don't have any money.

Narrator: George Michael shared his relationship problem with the one other woman he'd had a relationship problem with.
George Michael: Well, she's not really my girlfriend. I mean, I'm crazy about her, but she wants to keep things anonymous, and I don't know how to do that.
Maeby: Oh, that's ridiculous.
George Michael: Right.
Maeby: You haven't told her your real name yet, have you?
George Michael: What? No, no. No, she still thinks I'm George Maharis. But she's dating another guy, which is probably the whole reason she's always saying I'm moving too fast. I take things too seriously. I take things too serious. I take things too seriously. I need to note which one of those is correct, because I sound like a horse's ass when I alternate between the two of them. I need to get my [bleep] together.
Maeby: Yeah.
George Michael: But the point is that I take things... easily-breezily.
Maeby: Well, a real serioush woman knows what she wants and moves quickly.
George Michael: "Serioush" is nothing. That's not a word.

Narrator: So, as he straightened up his room, he got this call.
George Michael: [answers phone] Hey, Dad.
Michael: George Michael, hey. Got out of it. I made a ton of people angry, but you know what I always say, family...
George Michael: Well, gosh, you know, I really wanted to do that, but I just had this work thing come up. And it's like you always say, family first, unless there's a work thing, and then work first.
Michael: I have said that, too. So, another time.
George Michael: Okay.

Rebel: So, wait, is this where you conceived Fakeblock?
Narrator: It was George Michael's first chance to truly be unpretentious and undo the big lie. On the other hand, she thought he was an unpretentious software genius. If she were to learn that he was merely a woodblock player with a heightened ability to track the passage of time, perhaps she would rightly feel lack of pretension should be a given. It was after second twenty-three...
George Michael: Twenty-four. Yes, it was right in here.
Rebel: Wow.
George Michael: Yeah.
Rebel: This is like making love with the Wright brothers in their bicycle shop.
Narrator: I'm sure she just meant one of them. Hey, how about her knowing they had a bicycle shop?

Gob: What's with the suitcase?
George Michael: I got kicked out of my dorm.
Gob: That was a freebie. You in the market to buy a house? It's a great time to buy.
George Michael: Oh, I don't want to buy a house. I don't have that kind of money.
Gob: Money? Ninja, please. You don't need money. With that Fakeblock thing you got going and your great credit rating, we can put you in a Bluth in no time.
Narrator: Frankly, it wasn't the kind of risk George Michael would take.
Gob: But then Gob said something that changed his mind. Plus, it would make your dad proud. I know that he's still really disappointed about you...
George Michael: What, that I blew him off?
Gob: ...blew him off. Boy, is he disappointed about that.
George Michael: I would love to say yes.
Gob: Yes! There it is! I got my much-vaunted yes!

Rebel: I'm seeing someone else, but I don't want to get serious with him, either, and you're out telling people in the neighborhood that we're seeing each other. What happened to the guy who founded Fakeblock? The guy who keeps things anonymous?
George Michael: I can do anonymous. You know, I'm all about staying anonymous. That's Fakeblock's mission statement.

Narrator: And that's when Michael ran into a son...
Michael: George Michael, what are you doing here?
Narrator: ...who was eager to make him proud.
George Michael: I'm home.
Narrator: But George Michael had suddenly found himself with enormous debt...
Michael: You bought this house?
Narrator: ...and tried to hide his panic.
Michael: Why would you buy one of these pieces of sh...ort-term investments?

George Michael: Well, you know, Gob told me that you wanted to start selling these things, not just renting them, and I knew it was important to you.
Michael: He said all that? Boy, that was... That's nice of him. How could you afford one of these houses, buddy?
George Michael: Well, I have a lot of money coming in from investors for my software thing-
Michael: Okay.
George Michael: And I don't know what's gonna happen with that, so I thought I'd do what everyone around here says, put it into Bluth.
Michael: Yeah, who else is saying that?
George Michael: You know, it's an expression. Neighbors.
Michael: I don't like it.

Michael: Can I offer you anything?
George Michael: No. I just got two more boxes of Twister from the neighbors.
Michael: Oh, boy, return them.
George Michael: Feel like I have one for every day of the week now. Anyway, you know, I figure that worst-case scenario is I sell this place, and I get my money back. It's not like they're going down in value, right?
Michael: Well...
George Michael: It's a great community. Nobody locks their doors around here.
Michael: You should.
George Michael: Plus, I wanted to make it up to you. You know, I felt terrible about what happened with the dorm and... And things between us. And I've screwed up a lot of things in the past few weeks, and, you know, this is the one thing that I know I did right. I mean, who would not want to raise their kids here?
Narrator: And perhaps this is why he didn't give him the bad news about the neighborhood.