Michael: Shouldn't Buster be spending his evenings with women that aren't so much his mother?
Lucille: He's a beautiful boy. They don't appreciate him. It's his glasses. They make him look like a lizard. Plus, he's self-conscious.
Michael: Gee, I wonder why.
Lucille: You're one to talk. When's the last time you went on a date?
Michael: I just haven't met anybody who's not self-absorbed and impossible to have a conversation with.
Lucille: If that's a veiled criticism about me, I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.

Lindsay: Bulldozing? What about the trees?
Michael: We're just gonna cover them up with blankets. [off Lindsay's look] I'm ripping them out.
Lindsay: Anything for a buck, right? You are so materialistic.
Michael: Don't suddenly turn this into one of your causes.
Lindsay: It's not sudden, Michael. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?
Michael: I'll never forget your wedding.
Lindsay: I care deeply for nature.
Michael: You're wearing ostrich skin boots.
Lindsay: Well, I don't care about ostriches.

Lindsay: Buster's out of control.
Michael: What do you mean, another panic attack?
Buster: Me? No. She's just wigged out because I have a girlfriend.
Lucille: A waiter hands him a note; suddenly he's Steve McQueen. He doesn't even know what she looks like.
Buster: I know she's a brownish area with points. And I know I love her.
Lucille: I'm calling Dr. Miller. [exits]
Buster: Okay, I don't know I love her but I cannot tell you how liberating it is to be with someone who's not Mom who's nothing like her.
Michael: Yeah, and you're just you're just jumping right into this, huh?
Buster: Oh, yes. Yes. That's what you do when life hands you a chance to be with someone special. You just grab that that brownish area by its points and you don't let go, no matter what your mom says. Mmm!
Michael: Good talk.

Lucille: He's fine. I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals. [cackles]

Narrator: And Lucille was mingling with the elite of the Latino Television Academy.
Lucille: Can I get a vodka tonic, please? I'd like a vodka tonic. Vodka tonic, please? A sea of waiters, and no one will take a drink order.

Michael: Lindsay, you have to cut back on everything. I'm even selling the corporate jet.
Lindsay: Great. So now we don't have a car or a jet? Why don't we just take an ad out in "I'm Poor" magazine?

Gob: You're looking at a desperate man, Michael.
Michael: Do you need money?
Gob: What I need is freedom. Marta is being interviewed today on TV about her show, El Amor Prohibido. I mean, it's bad enough that I gotta go to the awards show tomorrow night. Today I gotta stand next to her like I'm Rita Wilson.
Narrator: Gob's girlfriend Marta had been nominated for a daytime Desi, the award given for excellence in Spanish daytime television.

Lucille: Gob, wait! I need those tickets! He promised me tickets to his girlfriend's awards show.
Michael: You're going to that thing?
Lucille: Well, my dear friend Lucille Austero is part owner of a television station and I want to show up and hold my head high. I may not have her money anymore, but at least I have a live husband.
Michael: Ah, she's lucky to have you as a friend. Buster.
Buster: Hey, brother. Uh, Mom said you could tie this for me.
Lucille: Make it long so Buster doesn't seem so... round.

Lindsay: I am not riding in that thing.
Michael: Well, we sold the jet, and they didn't want this. What am I gonna do? Besides, Lindsay, it's not like you're materialistic. Well, then, it's all yours. Watch out for bridges and hop-ons. You're gonna get some hop-ons.

Lindsay: You want me to get him out?
Michael: Oh, come on, it's one tree. After we get that lot cleared, we're gonna have enough money for you to neuter thousands of animals. You can make dogs and cats a complete thing of the past. No more dogs and cats. And we will have enough money for me to replace the stair car with a normal car.
Lindsay: I'll do it for the cats.