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‘Pilot’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Arrested Development: Pilot

101. Pilot

Aired November 2, 2003

Michael Bluth is ready to leave his family and their business behind when his father doesn't promote him to CEO.

Quote from Lindsay

Lindsay: It's been crazy. We just had an amazing fund-raiser for HOOP.
Michael: HOOP?
Lucille: My anti-circumcision movement.
[flashback:]
Lindsay: I think it looks frightening when it's cut off. It's a Doberman. Let it have its ears.

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Quote from George Sr.

Michael: I was so loyal. I worked so hard. Why didn't you just put me in charge?
George Sr.: Michael, listen to me. These guys, the S.E.C., they've been after me for years. I put you in charge, you're gonna be wearing one of these jumpsuits too.
Michael: I could've helped-
George Sr.: You'd be an accomplice. No. It had to be your mom. [whispers] They cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael: Yeah, I don't think that that's true, Dad.
George Sr.: Really? [sighs] I got the worst [bleep] attorneys.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: This is Michael Bluth. For 10 years, he's worked for his father's company waiting to be made a partner. And right now, he's happy. This is Michael's mother.
Lucille: Look what they've done, Michael.
Narrator: She isn't happy.
Lucille: Look what the homosexuals have done to me.
Michael: You can't just comb that out and reset it?
Narrator: Currently, she's upset that her husband's retirement party is being upstaged by a group of gay protesters.
Gay Protesters: We're here! We're queer! We want to get married on the ocean!
Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.
Lindsay: Good grief, Mother. Not all homosexuals are flamboy- Oh, my God! I have the exact same blouse.
Narrator: This is Michael's twin sister, Lindsay.
Lucille: I like it better on him.

Quote from George Michael

Gob: Are those police boats? No, I'm serious. I think they are police boats.
Police Officer: [over bullhorn] Prepare to be boarded. Prepare to be boarded.
George Michael: I knew it was against the law.

Quote from Buster

Lindsay: You know, Michael, Dad did name Mom as his successor.
Lucille: And I'm putting Buster in charge.
Gob: That's a good choice.
Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?
Lucille: He's had business classes.
Buster: Wa-Wa-Wa-Wait. Eighteenth-century agrarian business. But I guess it's all the same principles. Let me ask you, are you at all concerned about an uprising?

Quote from Tobias

Tobias: My name is Dr. Tobias Funke. I was Chief Resident of Psychiatry at Mass General for two years and I did my fellowship in psycholinguistics at M.I.T. And this is "I'm a Bad, Bad Man" from Annie Get Your Gun.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: Lucille was finding it difficult to go about her daily life.
Lucille: The S.E.C. is making him out to be some kind of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.

Quote from Lindsay

Michael: Let me ask you a question. Where the hell have you been? Why didn't you call me?
Lindsay: Look at my life, Michael. Tobias is out of work. We're in debt. It's...
Michael: What are you doing? Are you trying to cry?
Lindsay: I'm sad. Life is hard right now. I've got the J.D.L. on my ass.
Michael: J.D.L.?
Lindsay: [whispers] Jewish Defense League.
Michael: Oh, the circumcision thing? This is why I was against HOOP. Why didn't you just mind your own business?

Quote from George Michael

Michael: What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?
George Michael: Breakfast.
Michael: Family.
George Michael: Family. Right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

Quote from Michael

Michael: And when I do get that promotion I'll finally be able to get you what you deserve. Like a real home.
George Michael: This is a real home.
Michael: No, it's not. It's a fake home, son. [removes cereal from underneath a fake turkey] You want the loops or the flakes today?

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