Michael: You're running for office now?
Lindsay: [chuckles] As a matter of fact, I am. I want to be part of the problem.

Lindsay: It's been crazy. We just had an amazing fund-raiser for HOOP.
Michael: HOOP?
Lucille: My anti-circumcision movement.
[flashback:]
Lindsay: I think it looks frightening when it's cut off. It's a Doberman. Let it have its ears.

Lindsay: I have to get ready for the bachelorette auction.
Michael: The bachelorette auction? You know you're married.
Lindsay: You just go to dinner with the guy. It's for charity.
Michael: That's what you said about posing for the Ladies of Literacy Calendar. The one with the pictures of all the 30-year-old women in lingerie with their nipples covered by copies of Oliver Twist. Yeah, that made a big difference for the young ones.
Lindsay: Well, it would have if it didn't get banned from the schools.

Michael: You guys were not sharing a bedroom before?
Lindsay: Well, the cutoffs aren't exactly a turn-on.
Michael: Yeah. What's the deal with the cutoffs?
Lindsay: You've got to promise not to tell anyone this.
Michael: Okay.
Lindsay: He's a never-nude.
Michael: Is that exactly what it sounds like?

Narrator: Back at the model home, Lindsay had decided not to take her stylist's departure lying down.
Lindsay: I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know?
Maeby: Yeah, I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago.
George Michael: Hey, isn't this the same sign you used to picket the cable company when they dropped the Style Network?
Lindsay: Actually, I used this one for Michael when he was too cheap to pay for the premium channels. But I added the bit about the stylists.

Michael: I think George Michael's hiding Ann in the attic.
Lindsay: From who, the Nazis?

Narrator: Michael was surprised to find the house still a mess a week after the fumigation.
Michael: You still haven't put this stuff back yet, huh? You've got to be the laziest person in the world.
Lindsay: If you weren't all the way on the other side of the room, I'd slap your face.

Michael: I knew you wouldn't have the gut to go through with the divorce.
Lindsay: You're one to talk. You haven't had a serious relationship since your wife. And you guys, weren't even speaking toward the end.
Michael: Lot of that was the coma.
Lindsay: Yeah, I've heard your side of it.

Narrator: Michael had asked Lindsay to take care of the house, and to his surprise-
Michael: You're sort of doing it.
Narrator: ...she was sort of doing it.
Lindsay: Yeah, check it out. I found that canned ham that we'd had forever, and I put it in a pot of boiling water, and guess what I'm calling it?
Michael: Soup?
Lindsay: Hot ham water.

Michael: Now tell me what you found out at Sitwell.
Lindsay: Oh. You still want me to do that?
Michael: You didn't? Lindsay, I give you one thing to do for the business, and you can't even do it. I mean, if you'd tried and failed, I'd understand, but you didn't even try.
Lindsay: So, I didn't even fail, and I don't see you giving me credit for that.